Just Pondering

From February - 2010
I'm not complicated, just a little cold, a little unromantic, a little unfeeling

slightly selfish and mildly narcissistic.

Only because I've been easy, warm, romantic, tender, feeling, selfless for so many years.

So maybe I have changed...so what....screw it... I'm different, annoying, petty, materialistic and hostile at times. Fight or Flight Right?

Kid knowledge has a peahead but the hamster in my brain is on constant tilt. Staring at the ceiling God and I have these talks. Sometimes I talk to him. Often times he doesn't talk back. Maybe I just can't hear him. Probably because he knows I haven't revealed all. Hmmm, more contemplation.

Demanding : Hey up there...anybody listening. God - please help me get this mess straight in 2010.

April 2010

Its starting to make sense and I'm figuring it out. I'm smiling, slightly Hoodstruck, a bit sarcastic, emotionally drained, plotting, recognizing, freewriting, disassociated with my inner circle of companions, feeling freedom coming faster, shoulders are hanging slightly lower...BUT..I'm still smiling.

Not My Theme Song

Not feeling it today but it's a great song

I'd love to sing it soon and just laugh


Food For Thought

The pessimist complains about the wind;

the optimist expects it to change;

the realist adjusts the sails.

~ William Arthur Ward


Try Not To React to My Over-reacting

Funny thing I've grown to love about myself is that I seem to finally be "getting it". The ups and the downs that are Nesha. I took a quiz a while back...remember? It labeled me as a Marilyn Monroe type. Wierd thing was it was really on point. Kind of like the palm reader I let play in my hand on Sunday...oh stop with you religious theories already. I see you over there reading your horoscope so get off my palm reader. She was dead on by the way....

Okay, okay back to my "me" theory. It continues to amaze me how I'm starting to know so much about my self and realize that this is just me. Love me or hate me. I've been told I'm a bit of a primadonna. At times I expect people to read my mind but I think I speak very clearly. Its a matter of if you choose to listen...or not.

Lately I've realized I won't settle on certain things be it love, security, my goals and my happiness. I want it ALL. I may have to sacrifice a little to have it and someone may have their feelings hurt along the way but my ultimately goal is to make sure that I've left nothing to chance, laid my cards on the table for anyone who is in my life, that I feel safe and my family is secure and at the end of each night I go to sleep happy at least on most nights. I realize everyday can't be perfect but I also know that I must stop settling for what is perceived happiness.

This week a had a struggle and a knowing friend came to help. They refused to take no for an answer and realized that I'm bullheaded but that I would at the drop of a dime do the same in return even if I hate to ask for help. I had lunch with another friend and she asked what do I perceive as failure and I said that having to ask for help seemed like failure to me. She enlightened me and I love it. She said asking for help is the exact opposite.

My problem is I've been asked for help many times by people who were not trying to help themselves. I don't want to be or even appear to be like them. I know there is a difference but does the world? Another one of my inner struggles....I'll know soon I guess...but I still hate asking


Catch Up

I've been doing a lot of freewriting, poetry, info, details about Nesha and How I Feels lately but I haven't really talked about me personally so I decide to play a little catch up today on Nesha. Just a few things about life and such.

a. I had a flat this week, it slowed me down but didn't stop me. Kinda flustered at the need for so many tires lately and I really wish I would have just left on the "come wit" tires instead of feeling the need for low profiles with 22' rims on a suburban. I've purchased enough times to invest in Firestone.

b. Twin B decided he wanted to make "himself" sexy. Funny thing about sexy vs. razors. You should ask someone who's done it before FIRST! My baby is all razorburned and walking funny. Great story for the Thanksgiving day to my grandchildren in about 15 years!

c. I've been doing lots of grown up things lately. By grown up, I mean things that I've always had someone else handle for me. It's weird to do them for myself and it makes me smile.  I even went to my first movie by myself in 15 years. I think it was the best movie I've ever seen except the first movie I ever saw by myself which was Kill Bill.  I sat in the last row with a bottle of water (had to pass on the popcorn) and a bag of grapes and rasberries. It was unexplainable.

d. The first of Cayden's many permanent teeth has finally popped through. I thought my baby would be toothless for ever. I was so happy I asked him if he wanted an apple.

e. Twin A is scheduled for an MRI on May 10th. I'm hoping for good news. I know God works miracles and fixes hips too.

f. I'm back to horrible insomnia. I've been tired lately through the day. It catches up to me about 2:00pm and I have to fight to stay awake sometimes in the evening.

g. Working out diligently towards my fitness goals for the summer. The nutrition plan sucks and its extemely hard with so much fast food around sometimes. I've been craving Haagen Daz chocolate ice cream lately but I'm fighting it. Summer is almost here. I took my measurements and my fat is 30%. I'm far away from where I need to be. 14% is the goal. Right now I'm not seeing it. On another note I jogged outside for the first time since Spring started this morning at 5am. 3 miles and it felt great to be outside.

h. Thank God for people who think I'm special. They make days easier.  Yes YOU!


How I Feel

I'm looking forward to brighter days
when?...soon?...hope so...


“Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.” -- Malcolm X

I found this quote while reading an article about Thomas Hagan, formerly known as Talmadge X. He’s the man who looked Malcolm X in his eyes and proceeded to take his life and a big part of the Civil Rights Movement in the process.

On April 28 2010, after 16 unsuccessful parole attempts, Thomas Hagan will also be a free man.


Rotten Apples

"This apple is rotten, just like you are" - D.L. Hugley's mother

please watch this video before reading - I was touched. 

 We need to be careful what we say to our children. Just recently while shopping in the store I overheard a black mother tell her active child, “Sit your crazy black ass down, Nigga. You are so damn bad. Get on my nerves. Dang!”

Before anyone says, ‘She may have had a bad day.’ I must respond with, before thinking to be nice or politically correct, “I don’t give a damn about her day. That is her child!”

DL Hughley’s mother, in this case, may not have ‘meant’ what she said – but the affects of her statement to him evidently affected him to this day. He did mention it later to his teacher which proves that our minds latch onto hurtful words. Does not matter the intent.

Racism has continued to damage the psyche of the American people. Both, black and white Americans. After watching DL cry I shifted my thought process in an effort to not change my opinions and beliefs – but to address my people’s role in damaging the self concepts of so many black boys and girls.
When I watch that white man sitting beside DL Hughely I think: ‘He did not allow his country’s racist present and past to hinder him from mentoring a black gang banger. There are many like him.

When I think about the destruction that we (black people) inflict on each other I think: ‘We continue to be our BIGGEST obstacle…too. It's so hard to get passed our own sometimes.

We need to remember that we are the first role models our children see. Not Kobe, Not Tiger, Lil Wayne or even Barack. Nothing is more important than how we treat them daily in the home.

Blessings -

Powerful Beyond Measure

Just Sayin...

Sharing my thoughts from my polluted mind is therapeutic. Psychological cleansing. Burden lifting. With every word I have typed on my laptop, desktop, and now BlackBerry - I have tried to be boldly transparent. Transparency-sharing is an internal detoxification. I have wanted you, the reader, to see right through me with difficulty. Not with speed or a fleeting thought. I have wanted and needed for you to stop - get stuck - in my soul. I have desired for you to witness the conflict. Be a part of my turbulent journey. Please continue to embrace my complexity. There was a time, not many years ago when everything made perfect since. I truly thought it all... was perfect. I've learned it's just a word, overly used. Nothing is perfect. Life is what we make it. Although sometimes it's difficult for me to share all, please know I try my very best to give you what I can while continue therapy on me.

Powerful Beyond Measure -


Some Stuff

•something about Floyd Mayweather's Smile (it makes me smile back)
•Keyshia Cole's singing voice, reminds me of the old Mary J.
•Frostwire for my ipod
•cute tank tops
•Muscle Max Full blown Explosion
•The NFL Draft
•The "new message" indicator like on my BB
•Great Lyrics over a tight beat (I say it all the time)
•Pics of me and the boys
•Every bit of Chris Rock's "Neva Scared"...I couldn't laugh..it was too real and on point

•that truly good music with feel good words don't exist anymore.
•the hate on Barack
•my indecision on certain topics. It truly bothers me.
•people who can't discuss without taking it personal
•obnoxious people
•that Guru is now gone
•forgetting to turn my cellphone ringer off at work
•that I find myself sometimes agreeing with Bill O'Reily
•emails that include every address it's ever been sent to.

Food For Thought

The fastest judgments we make are about others.
And the ones we accept the slowest are about ourselves.
So by the time we realize the judgment is right, more often than not, we've already made the mistake again.

No wonder they say that History repeats itself. Just a Thought


Food For Thought

"I have more respect for a man who lets me know where he stands, even if he's wrong, than the one who comes up like an angel and is nothing but a devil." --Malcolm X

Friday Throw Back - Minnie Riperton

Woke up to this on one of those Time Warner Infomercials and smiled as I remembered my innocent childhood days listening to my daddy's records.


Do Nice Guys REALLY Finish Last?

Listen to me now AND believe me later on: women do not HATE “nice guys”. Not all women want “bad boys”. The term “nice guy” has become a crutch, an excuse. A man who finshes last when it comes to women isn’t doing so because he’s too nice. Chances are, he is not merely nice…but deficient of certain things that his desired women are looking for a mate.

Dwayne Cleophus Wayne was a nice guy and he captured the hearts of ice queen Whitley Gilbert AND a nation of future HBCU alumnae. Why? Because he was also smart, cute and funny. And he had the coolest glasses in the history of coolness. Dwayne Wayne was a math geek with swag and I’ve seen a few real life versions of this dude win in real life as well. The fact that they were nice didn’t hold them back; in fact, it kept them from getting big headed about the fact that they could pull a good number of quality women.

Before I continue, I WILL acknowledge that there are some women who like a-holes. In addition to that, there is a confusion about authentic manhood amongst Black folks that does have some sisters searching for a man with “thug appeal”. From my observations, this is the exception and not the rule. So while I will hold this group of women accountable for their desires and however flawed they may be, they don’t render the rest of what I’m finna say invalid. Mmmkay?

When I hear a man complain that he’s being passed over because he’s a nice guy, I usually observe these as the REAL reasons for his romantic failings:

1) He’s Physically Unappealing: I have had it up to here with men who look like they are in their third trimester, dressed in someone’s uncle’s church clothes, talmbout why sisters pass over a good man such as themselves. These same men have no problem talking about a woman’s physique or what kind of girls get no love from them. Gentlemen: welcome to reality, sometimes it’s hard. Women care what you look like, how you dress and in many cases, how tall you are. We are superficial just like you. There is only so much competing you can do with what nature gave you. But while you can’t make yourself taller or more handsome, you can be well-groomed, good smelling and nicely dressed. You can also work out and eat well. If you are unwilling to do ALL of these things, I am wholly unsympathetic to your plight and I would tell a woman the same thing. It’s not about changing who you are to conform or spending hours trying to have a “perfect” body. It’s about being an adult and taking care of yourself. Good looking women want good looking men. Unless you are looking for a schlubby, unstylish woman with little attention to her appearance…I’d suggest you don’t present yourself that way.

2) He’s Shooting In The Wrong Direction: Marginal candidates don’t always land exceptional catches. You might be kinda cute, but the chick you got “dissed” by is drop dead gorgeous and thus had access to some men of higher quality (real or percieved). You might not be as intelligent or interesting as this woman fancies herself or as the other men she meets. You might be trying to get at a woman who’s got it going on, but you haven’t provided adequate evidence that you are "catch". Beyond that, you might be a GREAT guy, but you are pitching outside of the demographic that is likely to want you.
3) He’s Got No Personality: If someone uses nice as the main descriptor for you…that’s something you might want to look at. “Nice” isn’t enough when it comes to shopping for a man and I doubt it does much for women either. Sure, you’re nice…but are you funny? Are you intelligent? Do you tell good stories? Have interesting things to say? Are you fun to be around? ‘Cause women are looking for those things. I’d wager most men are too. I don’t know how long a brother would be interested in a cute woman who was kind-hearted, but had the personality of a small potted plant.

4) He’s A Pushover/Lacks Confidence: The word “swagger” has gotten annoying, I know. But it works so well when describing that certain thing men have that drive women wild. There is something remarkibly appealing about a man who belives in himself. I’m not talking about delusional dickishness, but confidence. Furthermore, if you not only seem to lack self-esteem, but also appear ripe for the taking advantage of…women probably WILL give you that treatment. We want to be adored, but not smothered. We want respect, not total submission. And like men, we do sometimes enjoy a little bit of a challenge. Human beings are attracted to a certain level of confusion and doubt. Sounds crazy, but I believe it to be true. If a man seems like he will go for the okey doke, he’s probably not sending off the protector-provider scent a lot of women look for. He may seem week or defenseless and while there is undoubtebly a market for that, I can say with confidence that most women ain’t buying there.

Ideally “nice” IS something people would call you. BUT, if they can’t come up with much else, then the 50 Cents and Allen Iversons of the world are not the reason you can’t find a woman. It’s great to be “nice” and don’t ever lose your good heart to please any woman. But, if you find that you can’t find a girl despite all your sweetness, I’d suggest looking at some of the other things you might want to improve as well. And you can blame all your romantic disappointments on women who want “bad boys” as much as the average woman can blame hers on men who want to date models. Black women are the only one told to “settle” when it comes to love, as far as I know. It seems like most everyone else is told to shoot for the moon in hopes of at least landing a star. Whomever you are, if you are aiming that high, then make sure you got your rocket ship in order.

I Know

I don't profess to know everything but this is what I KNOW:

I know God exists. And I know He will always be there.

I know that life is hard but I will never give up. And because of that, I know I have lived my life with grace.

I know that every person I've encountered entered my life for a reason, and had something extraordinary to teach me.

I know we need to experience the bitter,
in order to experience the sweet.

I know that tomorrows are a chance to live yesterdays better.

I know that crying is good for the heart,
and hugs are good for the soul.

I know that a life without trials, is merely a life without lessons.

I know that regret is just a six letter word. There are no regrets, there are only lessons learned.

I know life is a form of not being sure, and that is beautiful.

I know that the beauty of life will always overpower the ugly days.

And I know that no matter how many times I am lost, I will always be found.


Positivity - Never

In an effort to stop being an extremely whiney baby lately I had to remind myself of a list I made my very first year of college. I found it this week getting rid of some old paper. Interesting how life changes and how much zest for life you have as a kid.
The Professor asked us to create a list of NEVERS! and to save it and look at it in 2 years. I messed up. I'm just now looking at mine almost 13 years later.


•Doubt God

•Doubt yourself

•Hate anyone

•Stay on the ground where you fell

•Intentionally do people wrong


•Treat people worse than you would want people to treat you

•Put up with abuse of any kind

•Let people tell you that you can’t do something

•Take someone’s love for granted

•Let an opportunity for love pass you by

•Be dishonest when someone asks for your honest opinion

•Hang out with anyone that makes you feel bad about yourself

•Marry for any reason other than love

•Forget that a relationship is hard work

•Stand someone up

•Commit a crime if you don’t want to do the time (if you get caught)

•Expect that you’ll wake up tomorrow morning

•Forget that ANYTHING, ANYTHING worth having is worth working hard for

•Forget that the biggest revenge is to look even better and to be a success

•Replace your best, oldest, reliable friends with new fair-weather friends

•Make fun of people you deem to be less than you

•End a call with a good friend, family member or loved one without saying I love you

•Complain about something that might be an inconvenience but can be resolved

•Hold a grudge

•Mistreat kids, women, the elderly-never mistreat anyone

•Buy something you don't need

•Say never


How I Feel

Nuff Said

A Prayer


I miss you. I want to fall completely and utterly in love with you again. I keep running away for no reason. You've done nothing to chase me away, so why can't I get myself to stay? Quite Frankly, I feel as if I've failed you. But, Father, this time it's for real. I need to feel you again. I need to spend time with you again. I want the Christmas story and the nativity to fill me with pure joy like it used to. I want the crucifixion to break me to the point of tears. I'm sorry for how distant I've been. But thank you for never leaving me. No matter how far I got from you, I know you were still right there. You're waiting for me and all this time I thought I was waiting for you. God, I need you. Give me the desire to fall in love with you all over again. Show me the power of You. Reveal yourself to me so that I can't get enough. Let me live in fear of you. Let me realize that I'm your friend and you are mine. God, you are beautiful. I love you. And I'm starting over.


I wrote this prayer because I felt like this for so long now. It's been a while. You know why? I've had nothing to say...simple as that. To tell the truth I've been dry. Spiritually, that is. I've been wanting to hear from God, to feel Him close to me. I've been wanting to just fall on my knees in raw surrender because of something He said or did that broke me.

But none of that's happened.

I tried everything. I tried making myself worship "harder" in church and stretching my hands to the ceiling. I tried reciting cliches about how great God is and how faithful He is. I even tried making myself cry over how distant I've felt. I tried all the wrong things though. I realized today that I still hadn't gone to His Word. So I spent a while reading my Bible, waiting for something to jump out at me. Nothing. I began wondering what I'm doing wrong. Why aren't I hearing anything? Did God just give up on me? But no, I know He doesn't do that...so what's going on?

And then I put in my headphones and listened to music as I studied for my test. A song came on that I've listened to countless times before. I always loved it, but this time it meant something different to me. I'll put a video of it here.

NBA/NCAA Revisits Modern Day Slavery Once Again

Derrick Rose is a hell of a basketball player.

Over the past four years he’s won two high school state championships, reached the NCAA title game and was named NBA rookie of the year.

Derrick Rose is, by all accounts, a good person.

He’s never gotten into any serious trouble and is known as a quiet, hardworking and unassuming guy. His teammates swear by him and the fans who know him best, in his hometown of Chicago, have flocked to him for the way he’s carried himself on and off the court.

Derrick Rose is the American dream.

Rising from humble South Side roots, at age 20 he’s already a self-made millionaire with the Bulls. Barring injury he should make more than $100 million by the time he’s 35. He’s building a reputation for charity back in his neighborhood.

Derrick Rose isn’t much of a student.

This is what the NCAA alleges. It claims he had someone stand in for him on his SAT because he couldn’t manage to make the relatively meager score he needed to play college ball at Memphis (his qualifying test was a “740 or 750,” according to a source with knowledge of the situation). Then, as the Chicago Sun-Times reported, one of his high school grades was changed from a “D” to a “C” in order to help his college eligibility chances.

For the record, Rose denied all of this to the NCAA although he hasn’t spoken publicly since the allegations broke last week.

The fact we know his score, the fact that Rose is dealing with embarrassing questions, the fact that the NBA has another young star wrapped in scandal and two universities are fretting about Saturday’s NCAA infractions hearing, is the latest testament to the NBA’s wrong and ridiculous 19-year-old age limit.

This isn’t to absolve the people involved, but the question shouldn’t just be did Derrick Rose cheat on his SAT?

It should be why the heck did he have to take it in the first place?

If Rose sang or danced or wrote computer code, even if he hit forehands or curveballs and not free throws, his acumen at standardized questions concerning probability, diction and critical reading wouldn’t matter.

They do in basketball because NBA commissioner David Stern wanted to control long-term labor costs and use college ball to market his young stars. In 2005, his league began requiring American players (but not Europeans) to be at least one year out of high school to be drafted.

That essentially sends them to college ball, where outdated and hypocritical amateurism and academic rules exist not because they have any moral basis, but so the NCAA can avoid billions in local and federal taxes.

As a result, young players have to play pretend before they can play ball. They have to pretend that amateurism rules can stop the wheels of capitalism. They have to pretend that an arbitrary thing like a minimum SAT score – which is never how the test was designed to be used – is a fair hurdle they need to clear to pursue their professional aspirations.

They have to pretend because the NCAA long ago figured out how to use its rule book as a tax haven.

And so into this round hole gets slammed the square peg of young players – Rose, O.J. Mayo and pretty much every other one-and-done star who lit up the college season before bolting to the NBA.

And, too often, they wind up with the NCAA slamming them for potentially not following rules that have no real world validity.

How is this helping Stern market his players?

Is it good to have Rose arrogantly ripped by the NCAA for failing “to deport himself in accordance with the high standards of honesty and sportsmanship normally associated with … intercollegiate athletics”?

Is it a positive to have rival fans mock him with “SAT, SAT” chants for years to come? Or have Mayo embroiled in his own NCAA investigation into payments from an agent while he did his mandated season at Southern California?

All this is doing is playing up the same outdated stereotypes of young, black players that Stern usually fights so hard against. He’s sold these guys out to shorten careers and, more importantly, career earnings.

Deep down he knows they should have the right to turn pro out of high school the way Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwight Howard, Kevin Garnett and so many other stars did.

A semester or two in college isn’t the worst thing, but it also has nothing to do with playing basketball, being a good citizen or the ever-stated “protecting their futures in case of injury.”

There is no statistical evidence that players are better on or off the court after a stint on campus. There is, however, a century of win-at-all-cost proof by coaches and boosters that the NCAA’s “high standards of honesty and sportsmanship” are a complete joke.

For the sake of argument let’s assume Rose did have a high school friend stand in and take his SAT. He was desperate to qualify because the clear path to his dream and the fortune that comes with it was on the line. Any other route (Europe, junior college) is unproven.

So facing a system rigged against him, he instead rigged the system.

He kicked down the door, clearing an academic hurdle that bears no relation to his character as a person or his ability as a performer.

In Hollywood they make movies about people who do that.

In basketball, they vilify them and humiliate them, although not before they cash in on them.

We hold this standard almost exclusively for teenage basketball players, mostly African Americans, many from disadvantaged backgrounds and broken school systems (Rose’s Simeon Career Academy isn’t exactly Choate Rosemary Hall).

No one cared when Danica Patrick went pro as a race car driver at 16. No one tried to prevent Shawn Johnson from winning an Olympic gold at the same age or Miley Cyrus from making millions singing and acting with her dad even younger than that.

And no one ever required them to recognize analogies before doing so.

So why do we make Derrick Rose?

RIP Dorothy Heights

“Greatness is not measured by what a man or woman accomplishes, but by the opposition he or she has overcome to reach his goals.”
— Dorothy Height
Dorothty Height died early this morning from natural causes at Howard University Hospital. The former president of the National Council of Negro Women was 98.

Ms. Height was among the coalition of African American leaders who pushed civil rights to the center of the American political stage after World War II, and she was a key figure in the struggles for school desegregation, voting rights, employment opportunities and public accommodations in the 1950s and 1960s.

Ms. Height was president of the National Council of Negro Women for 40 years, relinquishing the title in 1997. The 4 million-member advocacy group consists of 34 national and 250 community-based organizations. It was founded in 1935 by educator Mary McLeod Bethune, who was one of Ms. Height’s mentors.

As a civil rights activist, Ms. Height participated in protests in Harlem during the 1930s. In the 1940s, she lobbied first lady Eleanor Roosevelt on behalf of civil rights causes. And in the 1950s, she prodded President Dwight D. Eisenhower to move more aggressively on school desegregation issues. In 1994, Bill Clinton awarded her the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor.


How I Feel

Completed Frustrated at the moment with this thing
 called life and all the curve balls it includes.



I picked the perfect music for me because I still "beat out" while I'm writing to the music on my page. I haven't changed it in a while. It moves me. You won't get it by listening to the words. They fit me...for now.

I've decided to name this entry Dear Diary: Sometimes I Feel Like a Meaningless Scribe Part II. I love that title! I love it the first time. Love it even more now. It's fitting for the moment. I currently am "A Meaningless Scribe".
Focus! Focus! Focus, damn it!

Another long day. Back in the swing of things. The usual bull: a bunch of nothing, turning into a full day with so many unexplainable things in between. Sometimes I feel as if the days simply run into each other. They do. It's just been one long year of meaningless crap for me. I decided to finish up some papers I've been lagging on for a while, when interrupted I was once again shut down with some bull, and folks wonder why I hoard thoughts in my head instead of sharing.

Yes. I have lingering questions inside my soul about whether I was built for this life and what card I'm being dealt now. It still continues to keep me up at night. Had a knot in my throat last week with a urge to say screw it. and so I write, simply to clear my head and keep the demons away. It’s one of the few things on this planet that I KNOW for sure and that is that my words make perfect sense to me alone. Often I question how far to go though, pacing myself as not to hurt the wrong person's feelings as I know that often my blog is an open book for my thoughts and emotions to be shared. Fortunately people don't realize how long I've left my writings undrafted in an attempt to add some slight mystery to my "little" life. Should I save it inside my brain forever? But my lingering question so often becomes: have I chosen the right words without revealing too much of my soul?

I am a private person, by nature. You think not huh? That's how private I am. (I love that line) It makes me believe I'm slightly mysterious. I tried talking it outloud be it never seems to work because I usually regret and wish I hadn't told you that and how long you'll keep it to yourself. My emotions and feelings come sweeping in like tides, swelling and rolling in massive waves inside me sometimes, and I tend to express them in a universal way. That’s my style, my thing, I guess.

A friend once told me to screw the blog cause I “don’t write with honesty." She can tell when I'm going through but refuse to convey, and so I come across as jumbled.

To that, I said: "DAMN LIE!". I write what I want you to know and the rest I write, get it out sometimes sharing and sometimes simply burning in the sink. If I come off as jumbled to you, then you are not suppose to understand. To those I speak to it's perfectly clear, more often than not, those is usually me.

Maybe I don’t give a detailed accounting of all my emotional bowel movements, but everything I write is about WHO I am, or what I feel, or what I question. That's REAL! Everything I write is about what makes my heart beat faster, or gives me a chill, or breaks my face, hurts my spirit, or fundamentally fulfills me. And truthfully, I don’t know any other way to be. I may not put it on a blog for the world to see...but I do write it at some point.

Still, Sometimes I Feel Like a Meaningless Scribe, because the world will never know. I refuse to go any deeper.

Honesty from me makes some people uneasy. It makes me uneasy - at this present time in my life. I catch myself looking in the mirror and saying "When Nesha". I'm ready - but self says "not yet". Can't go deeper.

Sometimes I feel Like a Meaningless Scribe.

I’ve prayed. I’ve purged. I’ve vented. It’s out of me!

Diary, you KNOW, I’ll never be FELT in a blog that takes 30 seconds to read. My creator made me this way: all strange and odd and slightly talented and a little cute and a little ugly and kinda deep, emotional and sad and real, confused ... and human.

Diary, it saddens me that I cannot express with words what I feel often feel and share for the masses.
What is it about these words I write?
Diary - Oh how you understand what I cannot convey.
Feel me? Of course, YOU do. That’s never been the prob.
Oh, Diary. Sometimes I feel like a Meaningless Scribe.

Disclaimer - don't be all sensitive - It's not about you - it's my blog - iWRITE what I want

That’s sad to me. I still feel the need to explain that it's about me and not about you.

Without you I'm like...

some stuff from scribblings in my hardcopy journal...its sweet, cute, and filled with the perfect words of innocence.

Without you I'm like:

Peanut Butter with no jelly
A sandwich with no bread
Ashanti with no Nelly
A box spring with no bed

A hamburger with no bun
A tan with no sun
a theme park thats no fun
A game that's never won

Without you I'm like
Shoes with no laces
crooked teeth with no laces
spades with no aces
old women with no maces

A car with no gas
a golf course with no grass
a window with no glass
a stripper with no ass

A puppy with no legs
A homeless person that never begs
a party with no kegs
an omelet with no eggs

A car with no tires
a loose bolt; no pliers
a computer with no wires
a grill with no fire

Without you...no smiles...


Mi llama Nesha (Revealing Just a bit)

Working on revealing the real me for so long,
trying to get to the unedited,in stereo, the stuff I never wanted anyone to see
Trying not to be that simple woman, but not too complex,
I wish I had it in me to live in the moment, but I'm afraid of what's next,
I have to set the record straight
I am so tired of being Ms. Misunderstood...

When I look in the mirror I see someone full of bs, a slacker, a regretter
I so badly want to be that" go-getter",
What is it I want to "go get"?
Constant indecision puts out my fire
So many great things to which I aspire

The voices, the demons, insecurity scare away the potential I hold
Taking care of an entire house, but still I fold
my heart and mind are broken and it holds me back
I feel so constantly judged, mourning bad decisions, indecisions and the confidence I lack.
My D&G dreams get lost somewhere in my Target budget reality
stopping myself and I realize I will be alone forever with this mentality

My pain is hidden behind the crooked smirk I call a smile
It's all a front ya'll, I see your mouth moving but my mind is gone a country mile
Therapy continues in my head with every frown, grimace and grin
I'd like to think I'm more complex and my skin wasn't so thin.
where does it come from, all this pain
I close my eyes and search my mind. Damn, I know the reality is that I'm insane.
You know like, the red pill or the blue one, to make it through the day
tired of writing now, where can I lay?

I love it here, it's quiet no doubt
Can't hear what the voices are yellin about,
My mind plays tricks so I can't be alone too long
saving grace is often the 23 Psalms
Sometimes I feed off of human connection
Quite sure I've been a little "off" since inception.
Some people say "not wrapped tight" or a toy short of a happy meal.
I know I've got issues, just keeping it real

Told myself long ago I will not be ruled by what others perceive
It's just the opposite that I have achieved
always worried about this one and that
slowly have become a human doormat
working on allowing myself to get back

....okay I'm tired of this raggedy poem, I'm off to something else...sorry ya'll. Until next time


Theme Music

She Said It All

Who Am I? Essay work in progress...

I really have been thinking lately about who I am - Why I am important and being reflective about my life in general. An introduction into who I am as a individual with emotions and feelings is a hard one to make. What is the use of knowing about everything else when you do not yet know who you are? When I first begin this whole blog thing I found it very difficult to talk about myself. My life is full of meaningful relationships and memories. God has truly blessed me. My whines and complains would often be something that another with less would love to have as minor "problems" of life.

I am internally hyperative. My mind just seems to race with so many things. I am a chaotic fountain of energy. I hate that question "what are you thinking". It seems to be such a personal question. Often I don't think people would think I'm a bit looney if they really know some of the things that run through my head so instead I usually give some canned answer about something or other. Anyway, back to my emotions...my energy usually comes from my emotions. If I didn't channel the energy through my emotions, writing, working out of some sort I'd probably be an emotional wreck. Honestly I believe these three things give me balance in my life. Without the help of my daily prayers to the Lord to help me make it through each day and the other previous mentioned items I may be another opening scene of "Lady Sings the Blues" in which Diana Ross is strung out on medicine in a padded cell with a straitjacket. If you haven't seen the movie watch it. It's my favorite.

I don't believe there was a single day or instance that I became this way. Life's ups and downs, pitfalls and mountain climbs, experiences have helped shape me. I believe music had a hand in shaping me as well and what that didn't cover, my imagination did. I realized somewhere around 8th grade that music made me more happy or sad than almost anything in the world. I didn't not want to be the one who created the music or even sang it yet certain song lyrics seemed to truly move my soul. As if to say "yes, that is what I was trying to say, someone actually got it". Music is as living as the people who make it. In a certain way, I am addicted to it. If I'm quiet on the outside the music moves me on the inside. Each of my loved ones have theme music to certain things they do. As my boy is streaking towards the endzone I hear "Public Service Announcement" by Jay Z playing in my head. When my other one swishes a 3 during basketball I often hear "Money in the Bank"...lmao! Every person I love has theme music.

Sometimes I have insane thoughts like, "I wonder do eyeballs bounce", "If you poked someone's brain would they feel it". Other thoughts also roam my brain on a daily basis. Top of my list have often been..."Am I really loved or do people just say that", "Would I be missed if I was gone", "Do people really like me and why do I care?"

Really I"m just a small girl in a woman's body. Full of so many thoughts and emotions. I can't imagine not being who I am. If I wasn't able to shrug off the bad things in life and find the energy to keep going would I even be alive? I would think so but I've found things in life that make me happy. Lately I'm sitting quietly trying to listen to the "voice", telling me what should be most important right now. I'm confused but still listening and waiting patiently.

I have had my fair share of hard times. I may still have many more to see, but I now know I can make it no matter what.

To be continued at a later date....



School is back in and life is on. Full speed. However, I find time for what I enjoy. Ever notice how that works. You find time for the things that are important to you. People always say, I'm so busy I don't have time to blah blah blah. You can really find time for anything that you want to find time for. It's really an excuse. I've found that out with my life. When I don't want to talk to people I'll say, I'm sooooo busy. When I don't want to go somewhere...I'm so busy. When I don't want to be bothered I seem to get even busier. I've noticed it more with people nowadays.

Funny thing. I'm never to busy to do what I want to do. I find time to love my family, get to the gym, go the church, do my homework, find me time or whatever else I want to do.

Can you tell it's a slow blog day? It is.

Theme Music


A Story - My Skates

When I was a child I loved to rollerskate. I still do. I've had many skates but my first pair was my favorite. I asked for them for Christmas. My only wish was a pair of white skates with hot pink wheels. I received them on Christmas day 1981. I was so in love with them. I would clean them up with soap and water when they got dirty, I slept with them at the foot of my bed each night, I put them on each morning and I thought they were the best thing in the world. One day I fell in them and scuffed the toe. I never could get that scuff mark out and I was so disappointed in myself.

As time went by I put the skates in the garage when I was finished playing with them....soon I even left them outside sometimes. They got dirty and I didnt' really bother to clean them up. When my friends came over they raved about how pretty my skates were. They didn't need to tell me. I knew my skates were the best.

They would pick them up and say how beautiful they were and even ask if they could try them out. I don't know why they even asked. I was very protective of my skates and I didn't want anyone to use them because they belonged to ME. After my friends went home sometimes I would feel bad so I'd clean them up a little and put them in my room for the night, but after a few days, they would return back to the garage again.

The next Christmas I got a barbie that I had been dying for and I put those skates out of my mind. I mean really, my skates would always be there. Where would they go. They belonged to me! A few months passed and some kids were rollerskating outside. I ran to the backyard to get my skates. I looked on the side of the house and they weren't there. I looked in the playhouse and no such luck. I check the garage but I couldn't not find those darn skates. Where did I leave them? I looked high and low and began to get kind of sad. Finally, I went outside to watch the kids skate. While I was watching everyone have a great time a neighbor kid was really perfecting her turns in her great new skates. Her skates held my attention. Hmmmmm, I looked closer and there was something familiar about those skates. I slowly stood up and walk towards her. She began to slowly move backwards. I asked her where she got those new skates and she said her mom bought them. I moved in closer and realized that the same scuff mark from the first time I had ever fallen was on her skates. Funny thing though, they seemed so different on her feet. They were extra shiny, they had new wheels and even the chrome was sparkling. They didn't seem like mine at all except I KNEW they were. I accused her of stealing my skates and I wouldn't let up. She finally admitted that they USED to be mine. She said I had left them outside on the driveway one night and the next morning they were still there. She assumed that I must not want them anymore. I beat her up and took my skates off her feet. I sat down and put them on my feet. I had my skates back. I tried to skate with them all day but they just seemed different. They wouldn't turn right, they wouldn't glide. I kept getting tripped up by smalls rocks. They didn't feel like my skates anymore. They hurt my feet, they even gave me a blister. They looked strange on my feet. They were no longer my skates. I miss those skates. I should have taken care of them.

How I Feel

Character Counts

Character. The trait that keeps us grounded, stable and focused on what's most important to us. The definition of character is the moral qualities that make up a person's personality. These qualities could be honesty, respect, forgiveness, unselfishness, hate, arrogance and so on. When we started our sports program back in 2002, it wasn't started with the intention to develop youth athletes. To groom them to be the best team in the state or even the in the nation if they worked hard. It was developed for the sole intent to provide athletic instruction nurtured with a family environment. For anyone who has played athletics the hardest thing to do sometimes is perform under pressure. To remember your responsibilities, when to use the skills that you have been taught in practice, remembering offensive and defensive plays and when to trust your instincts on not following through with the play. These responsibilities are sometimes impossible for even professional athletes, so just imagine how difficult it might be for a 12,14 or even 16 year old kid. Parents I know that we all want our sons to be stars and to be perfect. We expect them to defy all odds and continuously make us look good. But is that fair? Is it fair to assume that a kid has the same expectations that you have set for him. Years ago athletics was intended to provide an outlet to the every day pressures that people face. An escape to recover from the pressures of school, work, home stress and life. At 36 I have not yet learned how to master stress so I know it is impossible to assume a 16year old kid has. So my question to you is how much do you love your child. Could you love him the same if he was a star on the 12 & under team or a bench warmer on the high school team. If your answer is yes then maybe you need to let him know. Being a leader is not about ability its about responsibility. We have to be responsible for not only the good decisions but also the bad ones too....to be continued


My Love Affair

with music began earlier than I can ever remember. As a child, I can remember my daddy rushing home with an armful of albums, turning on the room length custom designed stereo and listening to every cut on the album. Those days were so sweet. No logging online to find the lyrics. They were right there in the album and I knew every lyric to every song by the end of the evening. One of the best nights was the night we played "Never to Much" by Luther Vandross. I still remember laying in the floor listening to "A House is Not a Home" and the feeling that Luther's voice gave me. My daddy had every album under the sun. From Earth, Wind and Fire to Minnie Ripperton. Issac Hayes to Jody Watley. The Stylists to Motowns Greatest. I listened to each and every one. My affair continued on through my tween years as I began to become addicted to the music of tunes like "Roxanne Roxanne, Parents Just Don't Understand, and one of my all time favorites "A Fly Girl". I manage to know every lyric to every song I listen to more than 4 times. Funny thing is, you would have thought at some point I could have conquered math just be turning it into a song. My love for music has saved my life so many times. During my teenage years when my heart was broken by the chump of the month "Can You Stand the Rain" played each morning as I got dressed for school. "A Teenage Love" by Slick Rick seems so long ago, but played until it literally broke in my walkmen on the way to school. As I finally began to develop a tiny bit of body in high school, I lived in airbrush baggy overalls and actually thought BBD and LL Cool J were singing "Poison" and "Around the Way Girl" about me. During my young pregnancy Cheryl Pepsi Riley's "Thanks for my Child" sometimes got me through those first few months as I wondered what would happen over the next few years. After I delivered the twins 'All my Life' became my theme song to them and later my wedding song. The songs I play on my page are currently the soundtrack to my life. Sometimes I add, and sometimes I remove as the moment fits. Music truly moves me in every since of the word. I can sit back and listen to the lyrics and feel what the author was trying to convey. Often times in the car I find myself becoming irritated because someone has talked over the lyric I was waiting to hear. Even more annoying is someone who is just singing and doesn't know what the song is REALLY about. I'm the crazy one that will rewind the song back and say "No, did you HEAR what they were saying". It seems my love affair with music has become more intense over the past few years as I fight the demons of what is appropriate for me as a mother of young boys. I adore so many of the lyrics too Lil' Wayne, JZ, E40, The Game and Kanye. Another memory includes coming home after purchasing All Eyes on Me. I think I stayed in my room an entire day listening and memorizing both of Pac's album. I haven't had that feeling about a rap album since then, but I'm starting to feel that way about some of Jay - Z's music. As I drive into the school parking lot I often have to remind myself to turn the volume down. Thank goodness for illegal tint. Nothing thrills me more than a ride alone in the car with a perfect verse over a tight beat. When my heart is broken the words of 'I hate you right now' songs only piss me off more but I can't turn them off because the best way for me to de-stress is to listen to music that I can feel. "All About Me" by Mya, "Lonely By Jaheim", and even Mary J. Blige have gotten me through many a night. There could be no greater invention right now then the ipod. It has enabled me to listen to "Zoom" by the Commodores one minute and "We could be" by Keyshia Cole the next. I think I love it more than my crackberry...no I think I'd literally be ill with my blackberry but that's a whole other subject in itself.


6 Things

Continuing this whole "More about Nesha" Week thing. I'm enjoying it.


...that you may or may not know about me...

6. I love to laugh.(but I don't often)
I wish I did it more often. Any type of humor is okay with me...even the style that is controversial. Humor is only inappropriate within the context of its environment. (ie: You don't make racist jokes at an NAACP council meeting.) As for my own sense of humor, I suck. I'm corny. I cause more awkward silences/pauses more than I make people laugh. But yet, I try. Because I struggle with taking things, most of all myself, too seriously...

5. Tradition annoys me.
I believe that tradition is good for foundation's sake, but only that. If we never seek to build on that foundation, then we will depreciate the value of what is being built. I will esteem the ancient, but I will also strive to move forward; embracing change.

4. I am insightful.
I say this not in boast, because this is a blessing and a curse. Growing up, I knew all about my parents problems, because I felt stress in my home sometimes. I can tell when somethings wrong with people I barely know. Sometimes, I sense dishonesty and "evil". I have "bad feelings" that have usually been correct. At times I listen to this insight, and there are times when I ignore them. But I know that is why I'm more cautious than most.

3. I love my kids friends.
My boys don't have friends that I don't love and think of as my own. The big boys may have some friends with issues but I love them just the same. There are many things that are trying to kill the potential of our children, and no one seems to sense the unspoken urgency that I do to be a mentor to them at all costs. Plus, one of the highest privileges a woman can have is to be a mother that other children like (in my opinion).

2. I think...literally...all day.
I heard from a teacher that human beings use only 25-30% of their total brain mass. I think I use up to 45%. Ha. And not necessarily on intellect...but on my thoughts. I caught myself earlier thinking about 3 different things at once, and when I forced myself to think about nothing, it actually led to me thinking about different conversations I'd had with people about thinking too much. And so on, and so on....hahah. So yeah, I think too much. ::smirking::

1. Love is my highest & deepest desire.
In every form and fashion. I want to experience it in all the ways it was created to be. If I can't have it deep and passionately, I don't want it at all. I realize that may be unrealistic. I don't care. I love God.I love my family. I love my parents, I love my sisters, I love my friends. Everyone wants love, I understand this but I need to know I am loved without condition. I need to feel that. It's like breath to me.


A Woman Should Have

I've loved this poem for song long. It means so much now to go back and re-read. It remeinds me how far I've come and how many miles I have yet to still go....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....Enough money within her control to move out And rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to See Her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...A youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her Old Age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....One friend who always makes her laugh...And one Who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her Family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, And a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel Honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....A feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...How to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That she can't change the length of her calves, The width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...That her childhood may not have been perfect...But it's over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...How to live alone...Even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...Whom she can trust, Whom she can't, And why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...Where to go...Be it to her best friend's kitchen table...Or a charming inn in the woods...When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she can and can't accomplish in a day...A month...And a year...

--by Pamela Redmond Satran


ABC's of ME

The ABCs of Me

A: Age - 36
B: Bed Size - Cal King
C: Chore you hate - Scrubbing the Stove
D: Dad's name - Roy
E: Essential start your day item - Check the Blackberry
F: Favorite color - Green
G: Gold or Silver - Silver.
H: Height - 5'7"
I: Instruments you play - The text keys
J: Job title - Trainer.
K: Kid(s) - 4
L: Living arrangements - house in the burbs
M: Mom's name - Jessie.
N: Nickname - Nesha.
O: Overnight hospital stay - Five times.
P: Pet peeve -bad drivers.
Q: Quote from a movie -"I'll shut up, been when he leave, I be talking again"
R: Right or left handed - Right
S: Siblings - 2 sisters.
T: Time you wake up - 5:30.
U: Underwear - not if i can get away with it
V: Vegetable you dislike -Eggplant.
X: X-rays you've had - shoulders and back.
Y: Yummy food you make - gumbo, spaghetti
Z: Zoo animals you like -monkeys

2 Important Things to Remember

Just thinking about some STUFF (Stuff explains a lot) and to very important things to remember.

Don't ever make decisions when you are ANGRY
Don't ever make promises when you are HAPPY

Remember these two things and you'll save yourself a lot of grief.

My Bucket List

Couple things I want to do before I hit 40...just sayin

Get a passport
Take a cruise
Finish my novel
See Jay Z in concert
Walk the stage
Get BI
Learn a foreign language enough to fluently speak it
See a Broadway show, on Broadway in NYC!
Eat a meal on Bourbon Street
Take a girls' get a way
Dress like a grown-up
Get a professional facial
Go hiking
Go Vegan for a month
Save $10000
Publish a poem in a lit journal
Write a short script
Know what defines my happiness
love hard and without interruption
Run a marathon
Have an 800 credit score
Cook More (eat less fast food)
Get a meaningful tattoo
Take professional pictures before I dont care
Take a cooking class
Do an all day spa treatment
Take better care of my skin & hair
Find a side hustle
Travel much more
Have more fun!!


The #'s List. (2010 Version)

10 Things you wish you could say to ten different people:

1. "You know what? Man up, already..."
2. "You may be good at a lot of things, but there is one thing that you do extremely well...and that's hurt my feelings."
3. "Please get a life?"
4. "Thank you. I appreciate you more than you'll ever know."
5. "I know you think you love him but he's my baby and if you hurt him, I'll hurt you."
6. "Thank you for lending an ear...on top of everything else. I love you."
7. "You are growing into a beautiful young woman that I love more and more. I hope you're in my life always."
8. "Thank you for just being there. I love you no matter how far a part we are."
9. "Please try and call me when you are happy, not just when you have drama."
10. "I'm so very proud of you."

9 Things about yourself:
1. I adore anything Carol's Daughter.
2. I enjoy making others happy.
3. Great perfumes are my secret fetish.
4. I want to create just one original piece of music.
5. I love great conversation.
6. I enjoy rummaging through old bookstores.
7. My ipod
8. Make up isn't a necessity for me but I must have carmex or lip balm.
9. I adoring learning new things.

8 Ways to win my heart*:
1. Genuinely love family.
2. Possess people-smarts.
3. Know 70s R&B.
4. Love noticing the small things.
5. Read my blog and be able to tell me something that caught you attention.
6. Share you.
7. Say something politically incorrect with conviction.
8. Give others hope.
* this means you too (friends, family, and aquaintances)

7 Things that cross my mind a lot:
1. My parent's health.
2. My relationship/friendship.
3. My Future.
4. Poetry/writing
5. Money
6. school
7. The Future of my boys

6 Things I do before I go to sleep:
1. Eat a yogurt or banana.
2. Bathe/change into pjs.
3. Read or Write.
4. Check email/FB/Blogs
5. Lotion ritual.
6. Listen to music.

5 Foods I could eat forever:
1. Yoplait Yogurt
2. Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
3. Sweet Tea
4. Perfect sundried handchecked dirt (leave my Pica alone)
5. Game Nachos (only with jalepenos)

4 Things I am wearing right now:
1. shorts that say "Cheer" on the butt
2. hot pink wifebeater
3. fluffy socks
4. Halle Berry Perfume

3 Songs that fit my life perfectly(right now):
1. Zoom - Commodores
2. He saw the best in me - Marvin Sapp
3. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill - Lauryn Hill

2 Things I want to do before I die:
1. Feel as if I've accomplished what I set out to do.
2. Write a best-seller.

1 Confession:
I really want to get a tattoo right now. I've been thinking about it for days but as in past years when this feeling as come up I don't know what I want to get, I just know I want it where my mommy and daddy will never have to see it.

What I know so far...

...new things are headed my way. (I.e. life and I'll leave it at that) So, I wanted to do a bit of reflecting to see what I've learned in this current season I'm in...

1. Get over it.
[I know the size of the hurt can depend on the timing, but I've realized that pain & offense are two different things. Getting your ego bruised and taking a shot to the heart aren't the same. And while healing is needed for pain, an offense needs only to be released.] I'm working on this.

2. Practice wisdom with honesty.
[The "honesty" trait is not an excuse to be rude. Hurting someone's feelings should be a risk only when speaking of things that matter]

3. Be real, with yourself first.
[This is harder than it sounds. But it is a prerequisite for being real with others. The more you accept and love yourself, the more likely you are to be transparent and open to others.]

4. Reserve something for yourself.
[This is a struggle for me, because I love to share what I write and give my gifts to bless others. However, it is healthy to have some things that are for you. Just you.]

5. Practice saying, "I don't know.".
[The more we allow ourselves NOT to know, the better we are, the smaller we feel, and the bigger the size of our dreams and pursuits.]

6. Be Content.
[Why else did those bankers jump off of buildings during the Great Depression of the late 1920's and 30's?]

7. Watch cartoons.
[Try it...]

8. Read books and write hand-written letters.
[Trust me...]

9. Remember that Love has a definite Source.
[This eliminates worry, desperation, and lonliness in those Valley moments..]


10. Get closure where needed & let go of emotional baggage


My Words - Simply Put

Job 32:18-22

18 For I am full of words,
and the spirit within me compels me;

19 inside I am like bottled-up wine,
like new wineskins ready to burst.

20 I must speak and find relief;
I must open my lips and reply.

21 I will show partiality to no one,
nor will I flatter any man;

22 for if I were skilled in flattery,
my Maker would soon take me away.