A Prayer


I miss you. I want to fall completely and utterly in love with you again. I keep running away for no reason. You've done nothing to chase me away, so why can't I get myself to stay? Quite Frankly, I feel as if I've failed you. But, Father, this time it's for real. I need to feel you again. I need to spend time with you again. I want the Christmas story and the nativity to fill me with pure joy like it used to. I want the crucifixion to break me to the point of tears. I'm sorry for how distant I've been. But thank you for never leaving me. No matter how far I got from you, I know you were still right there. You're waiting for me and all this time I thought I was waiting for you. God, I need you. Give me the desire to fall in love with you all over again. Show me the power of You. Reveal yourself to me so that I can't get enough. Let me live in fear of you. Let me realize that I'm your friend and you are mine. God, you are beautiful. I love you. And I'm starting over.


I wrote this prayer because I felt like this for so long now. It's been a while. You know why? I've had nothing to say...simple as that. To tell the truth I've been dry. Spiritually, that is. I've been wanting to hear from God, to feel Him close to me. I've been wanting to just fall on my knees in raw surrender because of something He said or did that broke me.

But none of that's happened.

I tried everything. I tried making myself worship "harder" in church and stretching my hands to the ceiling. I tried reciting cliches about how great God is and how faithful He is. I even tried making myself cry over how distant I've felt. I tried all the wrong things though. I realized today that I still hadn't gone to His Word. So I spent a while reading my Bible, waiting for something to jump out at me. Nothing. I began wondering what I'm doing wrong. Why aren't I hearing anything? Did God just give up on me? But no, I know He doesn't do that...so what's going on?

And then I put in my headphones and listened to music as I studied for my test. A song came on that I've listened to countless times before. I always loved it, but this time it meant something different to me. I'll put a video of it here.

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