I got some Pub! Hey Now!

My trainer put me in the mix! So excited that he thinks I'm coming along! The Fit Factory - Sacramento Show Wrap Up

Hey Nesha Ward!

The Boys are Home!

The boys are back in town! So proud of my BIGS. They are back home for Christmas and I see so much maturity in them. I will say the anticipation of them coming home has gotten me through quite a few busy days and also overwhelming days but I am just so overjoyed to have them home.
I have the biggest smile on my face each day I come home and see them sitting in the living room and my kitchen clean. They have even been preparing lunches for my littles at night. They look happy and healthy and mature.
Both have lost about 20 pounds but honestly, it's 18-20lbs of fast food garbage that neither needed anyway. Their Christmas lists are short and their needs are few. So proud of them. I wonder if I would feel the same if I was coming home each day to see them sitting in my living room if they were not home on college break...lol.
Crazy things I was worried one was putting to much effort into PS3 and not enough into books and he didn't even bring it home for break. The other, has been in no rush to hit the streets. Both boys have been spending a bit of time each night with the littles. A mother could not be more happy, or feeling more blessed!

Save my Soul

Writing is important for my soul. Four years ago I was lost. I picked up pencil and began to write again. I dug out my journals and notebooks and began to look through them. I wrote a poem that clearly describes why I write and what writing means to me. I have a profound love for the art of writing and I am thankful to God that He blessed me with the gift of words. It isn't as important as my prayer time in my closet but somehow it continues to sooth me.


Writing to Save my Soul
I am writing to save my soul
writing to hold on to control
to stay whole
I'm writing to remain
Sane
Writing to eliminate the mundane
events of life
I'm writing to acquire more happiness
I'm writing to endure the pains and strife
I'm writing to show the girl inside the limitless possibilities of an educated mind
I'm writing to remind her to share the gifts God has given her with all man kind
I want to encourage her to think and challenge status quo
I'm writing to show her how the mind can grow
I'm writing to remind myself of what I already know
but most of all
I am writing to save my soul

Likes/Dislikes

LIKES


my Samsung Galaxy
Real Artists who Make Real Music

Louis Farrakhan speaks truth, regardless

humility

gospel music  and it's best

patiently waiting for the Saints to pull it together

reaching my goals
rather die on my feet, than live on my knees mentality

avoiding drama at all costs
DISLIKES


Ray Allen in a Heat uniform
Tyler Perry's latest Madea film

letting my temper get the best of me
I really need a vacation but it's not in sight
this song  

one-sided conversations

60 degree weather

people who refuse to mind their own business

Summer Olympic Recap

LIKES

• The Opening Ceremonies
• Usain Bolt is Half Man Half Amazing
• Athlete Profiles
• Michael Phelps...the man!
• Track and Field...every bit of it
• BBC Coverage
• The Thrill of Victory

DISLIKES

• Fake nationlism
• Who will test postive?
• US Medal winners taxed thousands by the IRS
• Gabby hair controversy
• NBC's horrible delayed coverage
• The agony of defeat

The Boys are off to school

I feel very disconnected...many things on my plate but I can't even think of one...I miss them terribly already.

Ambition

Ambition is priceless
It’s something that’s in your veins
And I put that on my name
For my Ambition
Easy to dream a dream, though it’s harder to live it
They gon love me for my Ambition

Everynow and then a song comes along that fits my life, my mood, my cardio...my walk....
The gon love me for my Ambition...easy to dream a dream...

I push so hard during my workouts. I look at my sons and I wish that I could shrink myself into their bodies and give all the dedication, desire, fire and committment tha I have in me to them, so they will never know what it would be like to have regret of not giving their all.  I want the world to love them for their ambition.

And now, I begin the restart of my walk towards my ambition....easy to dream a dream though it's harder to live it.

Passion

I initially did it just to be doing something.
True enough I still do it, but, as of late, it serves a far greater purpose.
Don't get me wrong. Beforehand, as I received more than my share of pleasure, I offered absolutely no complaints. Everything was everything. Though part of me quietly wondered why I failed to possess the intensity required in order to push it to the limit.

It was during such reflection that I quickly realized something was missing. A key ingredient, if you will. I ultimately found there to be no passion involved. Which, in my case, proved to be the difference between having love and being in love.

A hopeless romantic; I would rather be in love, as if I cannot live without.

In an effort to understand why I lacked this much needed emotion, and perhaps obtain it, I slowly turned my attention towards other things in life. Or, whatever it took for me to see things for what they really are.
They say - in order to find something, sometimes you have to stop looking, and allow it to find you. Of course there were other things which captured my interest, yet none of which left me captivated.

That is, until one day I reached deep within and discovered feelings that had been overlooked, unknown beforehand. In that invaluable moment, not only had I mastered the ability to transform raw emotion, but I also developed the spirit to read between the lines; finish sentences; add exclamation.
Eventually, I found myself unable to live without it.
So, nowadays, whether laid back in my bed, or stretched across the couch or drifting off while thoroughly engaged, one can find me with my face hurled off into the act itself.

In other words, there is no question whatsoever - writing is my passion.

Song In My Head

I may just a foolish dreamer, but I don't care.

Random Stuff

Jordan, Twin B, youngest of the twins is an interesting character. Has about 500 twitter followers. Constantly puts of his random thoughts. Little scary how many of his thoughts are relatable. Words cannot describe the joy I feel when I lay and talk to him and little to what an amazing kid he is. He has transformed into a man before my very eyes. I love all of my children and they all have unique personalities and traits but he is...different. His thoughts and analogies are entirely to mature for a young man of his age.

Words of Wisdom from mom - There will be women who will love you, but I am the only one who will love you from beginning to end.

Every so often you hear a song that takes you back...makes you feel perfectly innocent and relights your childhood.  I can close my eyes to EVERY single Maze song and just feel good. This is above all one of my favorites.

Whenever I am pumping gas and the numbers are moving extra slow, I feel like I have no choice but to stand there and suffer the wait (I'm usually in a huge hurry). I wonder if this is considered an exercise in patience.

Ten Questions

1. Biggest challenge to Obama's re-election bid: economy or racism or disinterested voters.

2. Sports: An underrated Kevin Durant or hyped LeBron James or proven Kobe Bryant.

3. Spoken word: Staceyann Chin or Nikki Giovanni.

4. Alicia Keys or Beyonce.

5. Obeying the Word of God or exercising God-granted free will.

6. Mothers Day or Fathers Day.

7. Expensive shirts or expensive pants or expensive shoes.


8. Which stage presence is more powerful: singer holding note or weeping sounds of guitarist.


9. More stunning: Stacey Dash or Diamond in her prime.



10. More stimulating: Intimacy or Great Sex.

Song in my head

Watch "The SOS Band Tell Me If You Still Care (High Quality)" on YouTube

Likes/Dislikes

LIKESPandora
Sunday mornings

Mental orgasms

Perfect headphones

starting the week off on a positive note

Summer season

Strawberry Letter No. 23 Theme Music
Melanie Fiona's new album

words of compassion, words of peace

McDonald's Lowfat Ice cream on a cone


DISLIKES
Skip Bayless

times where my faith isn't strong enough

people who constantly ramble

when I have a strange feeling

when bad things happen to good people

senseless murders

they don't make songs like this anymore

beating-the-red-light temptation

when ice cream melts too fast

Things I just do not understand...

How any man or woman honestly expects a routine one-night stand to lead to a whirlwind romance and wedding


Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle

How it's humanly possible for anyone to live in this world without believing in God, a higher power

How such a talented basketball player such as LeBron James has been in the league 9 years and still hasn't won an NBA championship...hhmmm maybe soon huh

The irrational, over the top hatred for President Barack Obama

People who look directly into your eyes and clearly see you're not interested in the conversation, yet continue talking and talking and talking

How one can establish more of an emotional connection with a complete stranger, opposed to a person who lays besides you
Why any woman would ever want to think like a man because for those of us who do it's quite irritating.

How these amazing creatures came from my body

I Respect It

God, the creator of all things


people who obey the Word of God

prayer

my conscience

good moms and dads who don't need to say, "I'm a great mom or dad"

mutual love

hard work

actor Denzel Washington's body of work

people who respect themselves

fasting

a good sports debate
Those who get it, and don't judge once they do

The Power of True Love and it's test of time

Proverbs 9:10

my sons' opinion

dedicated teachers

dedicated friends
DL Hughley

Young and Black in America

For the past two months or so, I've had the privilege of discussing the shooting death of 17 year old Trayvon Martin with a few co-workers and friends, black and white. Each time, the conversation shortened among us, due to an inability to positively discuss racial matters in a supposedly post-racial society. As one known for quickly getting to the heart of a matter I firmly believe in pushing the proverbial envelope, even if it means ruffling some collars. Sometimes, collars need to be ruffled. I've learned - people of all races tend to lose whatever disguises once you get under their skin, no matter the age.


"They don't give a f*ck about us" - Tupac Shakur

For the most part, everyone agreed Martin's death could've been avoided had George Zimmerman not pursued the Florida teen as aggressively as he did. While none found problem with Zimmerman alerting authorities of "suspicious activity" while patrolling the Sanford neighborhood in his car, a few questioned his motives. What fueled Zimmerman's actions? Burglaries had previously occurred in the area.

Strangely enough, not everyone agreed Zimmerman is guilty as charged. They reasoned he had the right to defend himself, regardless of who initiated physical contact. Of course no one really knows who threw the first punch, except Zimmerman and Martin. And Martin's dead. And dead men cannot talk. So, for that reason alone, Zimmerman received benefit of the doubt, despite refusal to remain inside the vehicle as repeatedly advised.

Whites insisted Zimmerman stood his ground, while blacks argued Trayvon Martin hardly deserved to be laid face down on the ground.

America.

If asking, I personally believe Zimmerman racial-profiled Trayvon Martin. As many do, who find themselves caught in the hype of believing all young black males are criminals. A scenario which certainly isn't unfathomable considering the stigma that exists in America. Not to mention the number of young and incorrigible black males who constantly perpetuate such widespread belief, on a whole. Thug Life, as often referred.

We don't want to go there, do we?

Problem is - Zimmerman guessed wrong. A fact that could've possibly been forgiven had he allowed officers the opportunity to do their job. If so, at least Martin might still be alive. I emphasize, might, based upon the nonchalant attitude of detectives upon witnessing Martin's dead body. We only hope those cops would've held their fire after they'd drawn and aimed guns at Trayvon Martin.

Again, let's not go there.

As George Zimmerman did.

Being the case, I ask: What if both Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman were black. Would there be such public outcry?

Things I don't understand

LinkedIn - No interest as of yet


How a grocer-sold Red Baron pizza tastes better than Pizza Hut brand

Why I can't bring myself to like Lebron James (I know....I"m a hater)
why true friends aren't shown all the respect in the world

The whole Lady Ga-Ga hoopla
Calculus

"Quickies."

why women are so afraid of bugs, yet unafraid to remove hair by its roots

why men says, "You whatever you want." Then catches an attitude once you do

why hardly anyone believes stories of people who've died, went to Heaven, then returned to Earth

Likes/Dislikes

Feeling it lately...so many things I like, so many things I don't. I'm wishy washy lately. Happy then sad, Happy then angry, Sad then Happy, Irritated then annoyed...patience is little. Anyway...needed to post. Here goes. I need to get HAPPY again.

LIKES
NBA Finals matchup: Durant vs LeBron (Get Him Durant)

Nutella is a great treat but it tastes like chocolate. I love it!
makes me want to get naked

this scene from Belly

inspired to blog, as of late. Thank you Hoodstruck
early morning cardio around the neighborhood

spirituality

my new grill plates makes my talapia awesome
positive, motivating forces

changes in the mirror, makes me know I'm working.

DISLIKES

running late. I don't like it, I hate it

people who knock, loudly

talk show hosts who rudely talk over guests

Boxing: Pacquiao robbed in title fight

my chocolate craving

worldstarhiphop.com

people who believe Obama is trying to overthrow government

people who drink liquor until they pass out

they don't make songs like this anymore

My love for Tupac - Likes/Dislikes

LIKEScritically-acclaimed body of work

fave movie: Juice/Poetic Justic - Tie
fave song: So Many Tears
Pac spoke truth, whether loved or hated

unmatched ability to convey raw emotion

personified the rose that grew from concrete

exceptional poet

brave-hearted

a little Tupac in all of us

June 16, 1971: Afeni gave birth to hellraising, heavenly son

DISLIKES
The Shining Serpent

hardheaded, troublesome

signed with Death Row Records

lived life as if he had nothing to lose

spoke entirely too much about death

trapped: searched for something that could not be found

never received the chance to meet him

September 13, 1996: The Day Tupac Died

cried like I had lost a brother

lived so fast, died so young

A little front, a little back

Just added a little bit of chest and back. Trying to push it a bit more and get up to 55 this week on the chest but as you can see I'm struggling. My back is def. growing...we'll see what I can come up with in the next few weeks.

Training Days

Training Music of the Moment

In my eys, I am "The Boss" So it would only make since that this is my favorite workout song of the moment. I'm the boss!

Catch Up Time!

I have been horribly neglecting my blog. Seems life has not stopped for the past few months. I have to be somewhere in 30 minutes so I'll do my best to update what I can. The twins will be graduating in just over a month from high school. I'm a bit melancholy and a bit excited. They've settled upon Grambling State in Louisiana. I'm scared and excited for me. I'm proud and honored to have gotten to raise them and I'm horribly sad that their childhoods and getting to take care of them on a daily basis is coming to an end.

They liked the campus and many students approached them in that southern way and made them feel at home. Louisiana is far (big sigh) 

Last Saturday they went to the prom. They both looked so handsome and they didn't even complain much when I snapped a million pictures. I must admit they got their momma's genes and they make a tuxedo look GOOD! Their dates were cute and I was sad when thinking about this being the last highschool dance. I've tried to put their graduation invites together but everytime I do my eyes start watering and I have to stop.

Finally, mommy brought home a couple of trophies in my recent contests. The Governor's Cup was huge. I had about 80 people in my class. Not really but it felt like it and my non-smiling butt got lost in the crowd. The following weekend I pulled out two trophies, and I even managed to get an interview.

 

Next up is graduation. Not sure how I'll do on that day. I may need to purchase some water proof mascara, but just know that I will be proud no matter how I hold up.

Song in My Head

Status Update...Road to NPC

The life of a figure competitor...my journey continues. So I just decided to put up a few of the recent happenings on my quest to make top 5. To those who are in the circuit Top 5 is what a competitor aspires for and after that the obsession takes over. Me, Nesha is a bit backward though so although I haven't had a top 5 call out, I have completely skipped that in my mind and have gone to the center spot.  I want the Top prize. The sword, the overall. I've become slightly insane in my journey too.

I'm the passenger in the car, looking out the window. No one need to ask me what I'm thinking about. They already know. My eyes wake up in the morning and I say "thank you Lord" in my mind and the next thought is "gotta go hard today". By nature I'm a little girl. Little, literally. I'm small boned, small muscled. The only thing big about me is my hands and my feet.  This is probably the toughest obession I could have picked up for several reasons. It's a dog fight EVERY single day to build this muscle, its expensive, it's time consuming. I don't care about any of that. I want the sword.

My mom flew back to Texas last week and before she departed she said that she thought broccolli was one of her favorite foods before visiting my house. She has grown to detest the smell of broccolli and grilled chicken. I'm sure the men in my house agree. Hey, if I gotta clean up turf beads and sweaty socks all day, they have to smell my clean food.  I'm ten weeks out from the Governor's Cup in Sacramento.  I see my body changing but not enough for me. I'm hoping I'll be more pleased in another two weeks or so. Time is growing short and I'm beginning to feel anxious. I know I need to unwind. All those who matter say I'm night and day from my last competition, however if it's not going to get me Top 5, it's worthless in my opinion.  Gotta go, time to eat.

Likes/Dislikes

LIKES

Idris (with his fine self) won a Golden Globe
Revelations 22:3

RealPlayer downloads YouTube videos

I see progress, slowly (10 weeks to go)

My NO Saints, I still love them, win or lose

The new Kobe Commercial (gotta be a Kobe fan)
living one day at a time

DISLIKES

when my toes are ice cold

the beginning of a new semester in school

justice is blind, literally

President Obama signed NDAA

they don't make songs like this anymore

taking that first step out of bed on winter mornings

Real Housewives

slow progress (10 weeks to go)

the way Patron leaves me feeling

the boys are into Polo now...expensive as hell

Tomorrow isn't promised

So I'm a Flake

All I have in this world is my balls and my word! Ok scratch the “balls” I don’t have those! But who would want em anyway. They’re wrinkled, sweaty, and don’t serve much purpose ESPECIALLY if they hang lower than Mr. Winky. Wait, what was I taking about again? My word! Oh yes, my word! I was examining the history of my word when I realized: I AM A TOTAL FLAKE and SUPREME PROCRASTINATOR!!! I’m sure the people close to me already figured this out, but after 30+ years being me it just hit me today. And I’m talking like a swift Ike Turner punch to the face. I do believe there is nothing worse than a coked out punch from Ike!


Now before you turn your nose up (like your butt is perfect) let me explain. I often make plans and I really do intend on attending but I get tired easily, especially after a long day of errands, work, kid activities and training. So I don’t show up, but I do call and let them know I’m not coming. Sometimes I get a non-response other times I get a non-invite for 6 months. As far as the procrastination goes, I want to do a lot but I don’t have the time. Granted my attention span is shorter than Emmanuel Lewis in ballet flats, I"m working on it.
Is there some kind of rehab that I can check myself into! I can’t die from flakiness and bull-crapinness (let’s pretend this is a word). I’m real sad about today’s self discovery. BUT HEARETH ME YE: on this day I declareth to NOT flaketh thou friends and Procrastinateth against thou self!!! Wish me luck, Lord knows I have a feeling I am going to flake out on this…….

Rambling Thoughts

Inception is a remarkable documentary with a very unique storyline. I recommend to all who have yet to see. Just when you think that you have witnessed, read or heard it all, here comes a screenplay which leaves you captivated, and discussing the plot long after the final credits have rolled. Think The Sixth Sense meets The Matrix.


Where they do dat at: Here it is 2011 and I am amazed there are still people who turn their backs on the very ones who had been there for them, time and time again. If that isn't enough, these same people will turn around and be there for the ones who turned their backs on them in the first place.

If I have ever learned anything in life: I have learned that society might discriminate upon the color of your skin, economic status, hairstyle, gender, beliefs, your troubled past, educational background, insecurities, whatever. But regardless of those supposed drawbacks, please understand one thing; the most important thing - they can never ever knock your hustle. I swear to God.

Cool points to anyone who can name the recording artist who spoke these sentiments: "Mommas, don't let your kids watch television, until they know how to read. Or else all they'll know how to do is cut, fight and bleed. No child is bad from the beginning. They only imitate their atmosphere."
Looking forward to the game this weekend against the Saints and the Niners. I will be there sitting amongst Niners fans and daring them to say a word as I cheer my Saint.
Lastly, I appreciate all who frequent Powerful Beyond Measure and offer discussion upon various subjects and views being discussed. I love reading and writing blogs and value the emails that encourage me to keep posting - I will try to keep the blog updated.

I am writing a romantic short story. I'm making sure to edit and re-edit and I refuse to put any disclaimers on it.
 
Blessings, Nesha

All Things Me

I take pleasure in my transformations. I look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women there are in me. - Me-

So I'll admit it, I'm a bit of a bipolar, multipersonality, sociopathic, egotistical, self-analyzing, forever critiquing myself mess...at times. I know this and at least I'll admit it. I want more, want to be more, am reaching for me, dream about more. Nesha is never quite enough for Nesha.  In the midst of mi vida loca I want it all and still more.  I saw the Crossfit Challenge Finals on tv last week and thought to myself "if they didn't look like they would tear a rotor cuff or break a collar bone in some of those movements  I might actually try to win that thing before I turn 40.   I bought Rosetta Stone so  I could learn spanish, I am still contemplating piano lessons. I dream of a long bucket list of a million things I wish to aspire to before my half century mark. Currently is my next contest in just under 11 weeks.  I'm a bit short of where I wanted to be but I'm hoping to be able to make some major improvements in the next few weeks and go into over-drive. Top 5, I'm coming for you.

In other news, the 18 year olds went against me forbidden them and gave themselves a much begged for birthday present. I'm disappointed but in the day of tattoos on the neck, forearms and back I'm happy its in an easily hideable place. Twin B said it was nothing like what he thought. He had no idea why people would think this was addictive and never wanted another one. Twin A was quick to let me know Twin B cried through most of the inking process.  "The Strength of a Family is like an Army" are the inscribed words. hhhhmmmm, at least they stuck to something intelligent and that's all I have to say about that.

In the meantime I've found a new favorite song. I love it. Sooooo, what do you think?

Do Unto Others

For as long as I can remember I've always been the type of person who believed that if you treated people good and kind-heartedly, in turn, they'd treat you the same. To me, this is a growing concept which makes perfect sense. Not only does such reciprocity garners respect, but it actually bodes well for humanity.
Imagine that.
It also forces spirituality. Which I believe to be exactly what Jesus Christ had in mind when He inhabited the Earth and attempted to show its inhabitants a better way. The only way, really. But, as life would have it, and as Jesus himself learned, The Golden Rule isn't necessarily practiced here. Not on a whole it isn't. Only preached. Apparently, not everyone received the memo.
Just a few. The limited number whose souls won't allow them to be anything other than of peace and good will, whose eyes are actually watching God. Those who awake to a world where the load appears lighter, grass greener, sun brighter.

Unfortunately, these are the same ones whose good deeds are often overshadowed by the characters who treat people one way and expect to be treated another, mistake kindness for weakness, always plotting.
And, of course, those who are perceived to be angels standing in the light. Yet, are nothing more than devils in the dark. In their hearts.
All of which leads to inner conflict otherwise known as spiritual struggle, where one then questions the struggles between good and bad, right and wrong, peace, war, everlasting life, eternal death, free will. In other words, the world in which we currently live. An infinitely confused world that many somehow believe will better itself.
But why? How? If we as humans on a whole cannot do unto others as we'd have them do unto us, then what does that say about us? And what are we saying towards the God in which we all pray?

I mean, really say?