Motivational Moment

God's way of answering the Christian's prayer for more patience, experience, hope and love often is to put him or her into the furnace of affliction”. So don't hate on the heat just endure the process.


Happiness vs. Joy

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

So over the past two years I was searching for this THING. This thing I thought was happiness. I DEMANDED it, told everyone I met and knew all I wanted was it and in fact was on my knees each night begging God for it. It's almost comical that this week my professor has asked me to write a paper concerning happiness and what complete happiness is and just Sunday I sat next to my husband listening to the difference between what I SAID I wanted...Happiness and what it was I've truly been desiring which is JOY.

So the question is ...just what is the difference? Is there a difference between happiness and joy? They are both positive and desirable feelings, and it could be said, who cares? If you're feeling good, you're feeling good. Right? In my opinion...so very wrong.

There is a subtle but important distinction between the two, however, which can lead to a person being able to consciously make herself feel better. Happiness is observing or doing something you really like.

Joy is connecting with the source of life within you. Happiness is fleeting. Joy IS continuous. Happiness is dependent upon something or someone outside of yourself. Joy is self-enabling and comes from within. Happiness requires effort, joy is effortless. There's nothing inherent doing that CAUSES you to feel good. You feel good because you stop resisting. If you could do that in your daily life, there would be no need to go on vacation or GET AWAY. Most of us cannot afford to go on vacation the year round, or buy every little thing that strikes our fancy. But there is one thing you can do to feel better, even if your experiences don’t remotely resemble the life you want.

I had to practice feeling good. Seems weird to say it, but it's true. Most of us practice just the opposite every day. We worry about finances, jobs, health, and relationships The list is a long one. Why we do this, I don't know. I think its just a bad habit. But bad habits can be turned into good habits! I'm not saying I've mastered it by any means, but I'm learning and I'm getting better at it everyday.

This applies to everything in life. If you want to meet a lot of happy people, find excuses to be happy yourself. The more you resonate to happiness, the more happiness comes to you. Happiness comes from the outside, joy from within.

When you feel good, you feel God. Joy is a continuous state of happiness, a continuing state of positive emotion.


There's this friend of mine I must give props to

This friend of mine has been with me since birth
Right by my side she's been there always
Even though I feel she's been around forever

Some of you may have crossed paths with her a time or two
This friend of mine can be as quiet as a mouse
Walking ever so softly or crashing through
As powerful as a hurricane

She goes by many names
Trust, belief and acceptance or just a few
She picks me up when I'm down
She dries my tears with encouraging words

She let's me know
He made bridges and highways I cross
He gives life abunduntaly, my JOY comes from him
The bills will be paid
The kids will be fed
and my BELOVED loves me too
She reassures me
When laying my head to slumber
To never question if the sun
Will rise another tommorow

When awakening she gives me the overwhelming confidence
That all my limbs will start me through another day
Yet sometimes
I put more trust in the tangible
Than the fact that God that created her for me

This friend of mine is called FAITH

She goes by many names
Trust, belief and acceptance are just a few
You may have crossed paths with her a time or two

Keep the Faith


What is PEACE?

It's waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone's shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and an involuntary grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know...

beautiful perfect peace


True Things

The wonderful fact about True Things is that your belief in them cannot make them any more true, and your disbelief won't take away from their ability to be True. I seek Jesus in order to be True. That way, affirmation from others becomes appreciated, but optional. --Me



Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs. - Author Unknown

Life is a wonderful gift that we’ve been given, but it is not always easy. We all, at some point, have life pressures that will test our strength and will to succeed. I will not let life's trials make me give up on my goals and dreams! I'm determined to past the test, press through and go to the next level of success.

It’s seems like in most success stories that I have read, breakthrough came right in the midst of the storm. So don’t let your emotions, people, and problems get the best of you!! You’re stronger than you think you are. It seems 'there are people that are waiting for you to fail and people that are waiting for you to succeed'. Who are you going to prove right? It’s your choice; stay a piece of coal or become a diamond!

I know this is for someone out there besides my self.... I need to remember this from time to time.



Ever notice how everything is most quiet right before the sunrise?
I been up alot lately just before the sun comes up.
Taking a moment to calm the clamor and rest my soul.
The Lord knew that we would need moments like these before He gives us a new day


Abundant Life

Okay, so I know I've been preaching...or teaching, informing, or as one "friend" put it, on my church kick lately but everyone involved must know this is my life and I've been blessed too much not to stay like this...this time, for the rest of my life. You suffered through my painful year of "poor me, I'm so miserable" so now get happy or rather be happy for me, love me or leave me alone...but I love you anyway :-)

let's move on.

I am on a quest.

About mid- May, I came across the words, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."

For those of you who are unaware...this is John 10:10.

So, my quest is to figure out just what Jesus meant by "life, and have it more abundantly". I mean personally. For me. I am well accustomed to the first part of the verse, but at some point, I got tired of playing the martyr.

There are a few things that I felt I lost along my way. While I managed to hold on to a single strand of sanity throughout it all, I accepted the notion that I could end up living out the rest of my existence....empty-handed. And I thought that is what the Will of God was for me. What He was pleased with. I thought that is what He took notice of. What caught His attention. I used to picture myself as a small girl wearing a pretty blue dress...with sad brown eyes pleading for someone to tell me how pretty I looked. I took this mentality into my relationships...and even as I interacted with God, I figured that I must do something to win His approval. My poison? Suffering.

That's what "bearing your cross" is all about, right?


I've inquired of God these past few weeks about what does it really mean to have an abundant life. Does that include a fat bank account? Good health? A vast array of friends? A lucrative 401K plan?

Is it different for each person? How do we recognize it when we're living it? And how do we obtain it?

Well. This is what I've gotten so far:

"Living Life Inside-Out".

Change is accomplished and KEPT when it happens inside out. When we seek to change our surroundings or our environment, we should pray that the change begins inside of us. One of two things will happen:

1. We will literally change our environment for the better. And have grateful hearts.


2. We will see our environment change...but only because our perception of it has changed. We see it differently....and gain a grateful heart in the process.

It's an ancient concept, yet still remains true: your attitude is the only thing you can control. I am amazed at how the world around me morphs when I decide to change my attitude. I almost wished I'd thought of it first.

Peace and Blessings,



Self Love?

We live in the age of the Hater, where we place emphasis on having victory over odds and others. From birth, we are taught to pursue what we want in life, and that the most important opinion is our own. I've thought this was the answer for so very long. We are taught that you can only count on yourself. You are all you have. Even religious-minded people hold similar thoughts: "Trust no man, only God." " Only God can judge me." Circumstances, which are meant to chip away the hardness of our hearts, only add to the boulder on our shoulders. It's puzzling to me why we end up choosing to grasp tighter to ourselves, instead of letting go. Is it that we think we'll end up losing ourselves at the end of it all? Yes, I know that is an example of what I have deemed as truth. But that's impossible.

We are who we are.

When God created us, He didn't just mold our outer shells. He also placed an inner nature deep inside. That, which is "in His image".  True love is self-sacrificing, but we are taught that love is indicative on how a person makes us feel. We weren't created to deny our feelings, or be led by them. Yet, God knew that a passionate heart, tainted by a sinful nature would equal disaster. Which is why we, as human beings, are in a constant, ever-abounding need of an ego check.

All of us, from me to you, him and her, Shaq and Obama, Hitler and Mother Theresa.

I'm not downplaying hurt, rejection, or any of the other forms of heartache that one can endure in a lifetime. I've had my share. However, we are taught that the remedy is to increase your self-love. That if you'd simply love yourself more, it will help you make sense of all you've been through. But, that is incomplete.

It's amazing the point of reference you have when you take the stance of a servant.
. Thank you Lord for clarity.

Just Thinking

"Stop telling GOD how big your storm is. Start telling the storm how BIG your GOD is."


Looks Good Huh?

Can't wait to see it. My man is BACK!!! Step your game up boo!


Okay Okay Already...Lebron

Since even my mother...the queen of "what was that call, why they doing that, what's going on" (in other words she don't really know basketball), is even calling saying 'Where do you think Lebron is going", I had to answer with a blog.

Seriously folks...I don't care! I roll with Kobe! Need I say more? No, but I will. Get 5 rings then ask me will I watch your special. Win a Championship with NOTHING but Scottie Pippen and BJ and a little bench help, Lose Shaq and pick up Paul Gasal, and pray for Derrick Fisher to have a good night, Hope Ron Artest don't lose his mind, beat the Green Machine then ask me if I care where Lebron is going.

In those anxious, heart-stopping moments before LeBron James addresses the nation on the state of the war in Afghanistan, I'd like to ... wait a minute [this is where Jon Stewart puts the fake phone to his ear] ... I've just been informed that the King's special is not about Afghanistan. It is about his deciding in which American city he will pursue his dream -- our dream, really, the dream of our collective nation, or more like the dream of the world, that's it, the whole world, the universe, that dream. Which is to play basketball, make a lot of money, and just maybe change humankind for the better.

But ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, as much as we are tingling with anticipation about LeBron's decision, to be announced in a one-hour ESPN special cleverly called "The Decision," you do realize that we are staring into the abyss. Because think of it: What will we do when "The Decision" has been, you know, decided? How will we fill the empty hours, the endless, malaise-driven days when there is no longer video of LeBron arriving at his basketball camp, LeBron posting delectable tidbits on his Web site, LeBron tapping out messages on his new Twitter account? We got nothing. An irritating war, something about an oil spill down South, a crumbling job market.
The Amar'e Stoudemire welcome that was plastered on the Madison Square Garden billboard -- incidentally, the same place they advertise the circus every year -- was an interesting diversion, as was his chest-pounding calls for Carmelo Anthony and Tony Parker to join him on the Knicks. But the over-the-top part began with Wade and Bosh,  we want to play on the same team. Can we? Can we? Pleeeeeeeeze? If LeBron joins them in Miami, it'll be all the cool kids on one side, taking over the playground, nerds over there against the wall.

Look, Wade is a great talent and he won an NBA championship in 2006 practically by himself. (Along with a few whistles that put him at the foul line a few thousand times.) But his diva act has been way, way over the top. Bosh is a solid player as well but the attention put upon a guy who at this point is about the 100th best player in NBA history defied belief. In his seven seasons with the Raptors, Bosh led them to two playoff appearances, both of which resulted in first-round exits.

But the big story, of course, is LeBron, who, is drunk on the greatness of his own LeBron-ness. He is clueless of how ridiculous this whole process has been. Scheduling a one-hour show when you have zero championship rings and, at last glance, were seen folding like a umbrella against the Celtics in the semifinals. I'm sure Team LeBron is claiming that "The Decision" is mostly about raising money for charity, but here's a simpler way he could do that -- take a million or two of the 100 he's going to get and write a check to the Boys and Girls Clubs of America. And if he's already done it, do it again.

Oh by the way, my simple pick would be Bulls, where he could actually play with some players like Derrick Rose who, as of now, don't care much about the fame and glory and are enjoying the game and making the entire team better. Just my pick but I don't care cause you still gotta cross Kobe and knock him off the pedastal at some point. That's all


Me - 2010

Periodically I look at a picture of myself (like the one below, for example) and I ask the question: Who is this girl....really?

Question of the decade. Haha.

There were times where it drew blank stares. Grimaces. And sarcastic laughs.

If I were to ask those closest to me...they would give only a resume of my talents.

Husband: My strengths, loves and my favorite things

Others: a long list of likes, dislikes, and moods.

I dare no one would come closer to the truth than my mother...

...but even SHE would miss the essence by a mile.

No one spends more time with me...than me...so how is it that I've spent most of my lifetime stumped by this question?

"I am invisible, understand, simply because others choose not to see me "~Ralph Waldo Emerson

1. I sing at the top of my lungs; getting lost in the melody and emotion. Carefree and joyous. A true lover of music. (I do get a little quieter if I think people can hear me)

2. I write from the depths of my soul. In whatever form it happens to flow into. Not for acclaim. And never for approval. Content takes precedence over grammar. (I lied, I like approval, especially from loved ones. It's important for me to know they know that I have some talent besides nursing babies)

3. I am two opposites joined. Yin and Yang within myself. A more envious form of Bipolar. A healthier version of a Manic-Depressive. I am noisy and I am silence. I am serious and I am humorous. I am introverted and I am bold. I am cautious and I am fearless. Tender and Intense. I am high-top converse's and I am high heels. I am pink ribbons and black nail polish.

4. I believe in Truth. And Beauty. And Love. And I will guard them ferociously.

5. I am the Apple of My Father God's eye. He gave His life for me, and I owe Him my everything. His sacrifice tells me that I am special to Him.

6.. I am still learning. The color on my wings growing more vivacious, the smile on my face increasing in each day. Look into my eyes and you will see it too.

Now...look at that picture again...



Faith Or Fear

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind”

2 Timothy 1:7

Sometimes when I'm worried about something, I'm  reminded of this verse. As I was praying the other morning I had some fears concerning battles in my life that I struggle with sometimes but I had to remember that fear and faith can not occupy the same space. I have to chose one. As the Bible verse above states, fear does not come from God, and if it doesn't come from God, then you know where it came from. The enemy. God gave us the spirit of power and of love and of a sound mind.

You can't have a sound mind if you're scared and worried about something.

Do I want to be fearful, or do I want to be faithful? I choose to believe that God is currently working on my battles on my behalf even as I write this blog entry. I choose to be faithful. I want to have "crazy faith", as Marvin Sapp talks about in the Praise him in Advance- Intro. I'm writing this as a note to my self, because sometimes reality is so up in my face that my faith is pushed way to the back, and I need to get it up front, and keep it there.

On a mission,


All Love...

Cayden's Bday Cake
C and Dad

C saying goodbye to mom

Cayden's Preschool Grad Ceremony
Made it through the week..not a lot to say except for we feel incredibly loved by the small circle of friends that we have...even more loved by friends and acquaintances that said "whatever you need" and meant it. We have adoring friends we've met through our children, work, family and just life. Thank God for them, they helped us make it through. I love them all because the week would not have been possible without them. We managed to get kids to and from a week long football camp, summer school each day, Cayden's birthday, Cayden's graduation, basketball summer league games, a couple airport trips, funeral arrangements, make a slide show, make a funeral program and have minor breakdowns and cry sessions and walks along memory lane about mom along the way. Our friends traveled miles by plane, train, bus, car and so forth on a holiday week even though some knew they would have a 3 hour wait in traffic to get home, they gave beautiful reflections, they sent gorgeous flowers, money and food...most of all support. Cayden had a cake baked for him and a bike bought for him. His cap and gown for graduation from preschool was delivered to the school for us (thank goodness because we arrived just in time to get him in it and in line), and those who couldn't participate called constantly to check on us. I feel loved and blessed to have so many people who helped out this week.  Decided to post just a few pictures and a link to the slideshow. (they've removed the music until it's approved through youtube.com)

Blessings to all,