The Stuff that makes life worth it

A long while back a friend said I was negative.  Okay, he didn’t exactly call me negative, but after he asked a series of questions to which I responded negatively, his face said it all. It really made me analyze myself: Do I see the world through grey colored glasses? Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, but after careful consideration, I admitted to myself, I probably had the tendency to speak of it that way. I think back then I hid my inner Negative Nancy from myself for so long, by adding an upbeat and chipper voice and Colgate grin to all my complaining; and topping it off with a positive spin. But ugly is ugly, both inside and out!

I blog and talk a lot about what confounds me. On my page to you all, in realy life, to those I feel safe with. I’m obsessed with figuring out why the world as I see it- generally odd and scary- is… well, odd and scary. But I see beauty too. I see more beauty than I give myself credit for seeing. As a matter of fact, there’s so much beauty around me that the odd and scary pretty much drive me insane; without it, this world would be amazing. But odd and scary are here to stay-it started with a serpent and who knows how it’ll end- so some things just have to be looked beyond and spoken over.

So whatever tint the glasses are, the world is kaleidoscopic and very few things are better than…

Having a really good Monday. Running into someone who says "Heyyyy, I was just thinking about you". Smiling children who ask for constant hugs. Doing good for others. Waking up earlier than you have to and being okay with it. A conversation with your best friend where neither of you annoy each other. A quiet moment. Taking a nap just because you want to. Realizing you’re a better person than you used to be, even in the most miniscule way. Putting together the perfect outfit. Laughing so hard your belly hurts. Breakfast for dinner. Getting a compliment from another women, it's so hard to now a days. A really good church service. Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, frozen. Three day weekends. Full fledge vacations. Staycations with the ones you love. Finding your keys. Hearing the song you used to LOVE when you were younger. Listening to the stories of an elderly person- the nice ones. The end of the semester. Every now and then, letting someone have it who deserves it, so they back off a little. A smirk when a smart alec says something "they think" is incredibily funny. Exes who get fat! Life fulfilling careers. Freedom. The idea of making love in the rain even though I wouldn't because I hate being cold. The hot bubble bath after a long day.  An incredible foot massage that is long enough to enjoy. My grandma’s fried cornbread (I miss it). My mother’s hugs. My daddy’s smiles. Life as it is/was/will be.


I'm the It...playlist

I’m the It list
 I’ve always had the need for theme music. Perhaps it was the movies I watched as a little girl with those scenes of confident women strutting to tunes that sung their praises. I wanted to be one of those women whose entrance inspired music.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a band to follow me around through life. Nor do I have a Radio Raheem-like boombox to alert the world to my presence (though it seems that smart phones are the new ghetto blasters these days.). So I have to settle for the “I’m the It” playlist on my iPod, a playlist of songs to remind me of how fly and awesome I am on some days, even those days I have to sell myself on it. I keep a mental playlist of these songs as well and often sing them in my head when I’m feeling particularly amazing.

Everyone, male or female, should have an “I’m the It” playlist. Here’s what’s on mine:

Pretty Girls - Wale. This is kind of a no-brainer.

Caramel Remix - City High featuring Eve. “You can say I’m Plain Jane, but it’s not the same. I ain’t into big names, but I like nice things…” The “Regular Black Girl” anthem. lol

That Girl - Stevie Wonder. An oldie but goodie. Reminds me of my childhood.

Upgrade U - Beyonce featuring Jay-Z. As a woman, you can’t have a list like this and NOT include Bey. You just can’t.

Ya’ll Dead Wrong - Amil. Yes, I still listen to Amil. (Apparently, I’m the only one as I couldn’t find a clip of this song on YouTube. lol) This has been a staple since my high school days. “Cute as a button, can’t tell this broad nothin.” Haha.

Real Women - UGK featuring Talib Kweli and Raheem Devaughn. Any combination of Talib and Bun B is a good time, but this may be my favorite.

There She Goes - Babyface. “Her eyes, her smile, her skin, her smell, her hair… She’s incredible.”

Conceited - Remy Ma. This was my anthem in college. No one could tell me a damn thing. “You gotta have the mindstate like I’m so great. Can’t nobody do it like you do…”

Damn Girl - Justin Timberlake. “Don’t need no Maybelline. Cuz you’s a beauty queen. Don’t need no Loreal. Cuz bitch you’re bad as hell.” This warms my no make-up wearing heart. lol

Movin Cool (The After Party) - Outkast featuring Joi. “I could make a stone cold blind man see a better way…” This is a slept-on classic.

Headturner - Joss Stone. This is another one that I sing in my mind when I’m walking down the street.

Lights Out - Danity Kane. Ok first of all, RIP Danity Kane and eff you Diddy!! The first line of this song gets me. “I’m so hot when I walk, I leave smoke in my tracks…”

Ego - Beyonce. Predictable? Perhaps. But gets the job done nonetheless. “Some call it arrogant, I call it confident…”

Just a sample...I have many lists

Just Writing

Just finished my last final...stinkin final. I think I bombed it. Hope I smashed it.  Done with my bracketology.  I set it up. Twin A looked at it and laughed and redid it.  He said, "pay attention mom, BYU big man is gone cause he had sex with his girlfriend, they not winning unless Jimmer is Jesus"...ummm okay, you do it then son. So he did. I stilled titled it "Girls Know Basketball"...I'mma win too.

On to my write:

Supposedly, I am a writer.

At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I’M A WRITER!”
The title of “writer” is one that haunts me more than I embrace it. When I tell people (myself included) that I’m a writer, I usually mean it by calling, not by profession. CEO of Ward Tribe International. Even as I pursue this degree, I wonder if being a full-blown professional writer would ever be my future. Not because I doubt my abilities, but because I rather enjoy the balance that comes with a structured job and writing as a hobby.

I talk about writing a lot. I can’t say I’ve actively studied the craft since tenth grade creative writing class. I fall into and out of the habit of daily writing practice. The truth is, I don’t write to become a better writer. I write to purge and make sense of my scrambled thoughts and intense emotions. It is through my fingers that I find logic and peace.

So here I stand, in the middle of scholarship applications, realizing that I’ve got a lot to learn. I’ve started reading creative writing blogs and I’m floored by the amazing things some of the wordsmiths do with language. The pages of my “words” notebook (You know, the one that all writers should use to record and remember new words they come across) fill up weekly and are a wake up call to how limited my writing vernacular can be. Now, I’m more of leisurely reader, skimming works for emotional impact. I’m a student of the written word it intrigues me in the most unusual way.

Sure I’ve been spilling words onto the internet for world wide consumption few years. When my emotional cup runneth over, I can empty here almost effortlessly. The process of taking my catharses, editing them and rewriting them for purposes of review, however, is new to me. As I pass along writing samples from this blog to be critiqued by trusted writer pals, I’m confronted with the thoughts: What will they say? What if I can’t digest their remarks? Am I even any good at this thing at all? I’m humbled, terrified and intrigued all at once.

Is this how it feels to take those first wobbly steps toward the future?


Purpose Driven

I have a habit of reading certain books repeatedly. Because I am an emotional consumer, I find that I react to books/movies/music differently depending on where I am in life. I’m in the middle of my third reading of  Conversations With God and the main premise of it is that humans are made in the image of God, and are therefore the creators of our experiences. It’s reminding me that I have 100% control of my life. My every thought, word and action create my circumstances. This is equally empowering and terrifying but it’s a reality that I’m finally prepared to accept.

Love and Hip Hop...Wrong Time, Right Person?

I watched "Love and Hip Hop" (I think that's what it's called), the other night. VH1's new show on hip hop drama and love...blah blah blah...not that good. I can tell Jim Jones is a producer without seeing the credits just because there aint no way he'd set him self up to be on a camera that much if he didn't have a stake in the claim...anyway, Mashonda (Swizz's ex) is on there.  Yeah, you gotta feel bad for her but at the same time here are my thoughts on it...

People are so caught up in the notion of what life “should” be, they don’t know how to react when anything occurs that goes against it. Love, is like life and stuff happens. Not always in the clean orderly way that we’d like. They fell in love, period. The timing was off for the rest of the world, but right on time for them. Hell, I heard two tracks on Alicia’s album and knew “Oh wait. This ain’t frivolous. They think they’ve found the real thing.” You can hear it in her song.

Have they? Quite possibly. The notion that they’re doomed to “fail” is one that people make up to appease their personal sense of justice. So they didn’t do it the way YOU would have liked. Who the hell are you?

Maybe they’ll go the distance, maybe they’ll at least be the Black Brad and Angie for the next fews years, or maybe they won’t make it at all. Either way, that’s their journey. Their experience to take from it what they will. Everybody needs to have a Coke and a smile and relax...with them being married and a baby now, even Mashonda.

Chris Brown Teaches Us How To Dougie REAL

I've always been a lover of the underdog. No matter who or what, it's impossible to cheer for the "given" winner. This is probably why I continue to love this cat. Don't get me wrong, because of my love for the hot boy, which seems to have drawn me to that "swag" dude in the past, I have been a victim of domestic violence. I do fault him but I believe I'd dislike him so much more if he was much older and had lived through some life experience.

This is just my own opinion, but he has two issues in his favor that allow me to forgive him...#1 He came from a family of domestic violence and therefore was a witness to it. Statistics show more often than not if you see it, you live it. As much as we would like to say "that should have pushed him further away from using physical violence", its not that simple. Children learn what they see, even if it takes years to manifest itself.

#2 Ms. Ri-Ri also came from a family of violence. She herself has stated she witnessed mommy and daddy throwing bows at each other and its what was normal in her family. This makes me know, when she saw a text coming over from another woman, which I'm sure wasn't the first...she started dropping "bombs" on C. Breezy! It's not an excuse...whatever it's my opinion and unless you have been tagged in your face with force, you don't know what you, as a "young" man not in control of his emotions, may do.

Nuff' said on that. The dude is trying his best to come back...maybe he will, maybe he won't, but he has my support. I'll listen to his records and watch his music...heck, at the end of this video dude made me revamp my Dougie! He has energy and he is excited about life!


Thought In My Head

life is good.  Often when I think I'm unimportant and no one is noticing something I may have accomplished the right words are said.  Recently someone said to me "‎Someone you haven't even met yet is wondering what it'd be like to know someone like you."

Good Stuff