what's on my mind right now.

-Life as we see it, doesn't happen like we like, nor how we planned. Our plans will be in place and LIFE will throw some curve ball at you that will leave you rescheduling, redesigning, rethinking. That's something i've come to learn and deal with.

-I am concentrating my energy now on my family right now and my crafts and everything else secondly.

-What is my purpose here? Do you know your purpose? I think it is one of the hardest questions i have ever been asked. And i would say no at first...because i know what i want, but is that the same as my purpose. I see purpose as contributing in many ways not only to yourself but to the whole of society...so i must ponder on this a while longer.

-Everyone wants to be a writer. Everyone thinks he/she is a writer waiting to published. But truly we must know everyone is not meant to be a writer. Not everyone is gifted with the talent, creativeness to express and convey a new reality. Who are we kidding? Really? I've worked decades on refining my craft and i'm still not satisfied...so i say to all new writers out there. Yes, you may have a gift, a voice, a desire to be known...but if your story don't reside with the masses you are only telling your story to yourself. Refine, practice, redefine, study...not one pianist, dancer, musician, choreographer, artist...relied on just what they believed or what their family believed...it was more. Define who you are, your individuality, your gift...then refine that gift...make it yours. The world is waiting.

-I'm not sure where i'm going from here...i know i have many projects i'm working on and i'm glad everyone is happy with what i've been able to accomplish but some of my projects have suffered, not so much because of my muse, but because i have shifted my priorities and my lack of imagination has led me to lead. I'm not mad at that...in fact in many ways it has helped me to see clearly. but still frustation.

Lately I've been CRAVING an ice cream sundae! For about the last two days! Killin me. I even had a dream about an ice cream sundae sitting on my stomach and I was licking the whip cream. I have issues. I know. The training is killing me. HUNGRY ALL THE TIME.


MIA Sorry...

So much going on right now. Truly too much to explain.  I'm two weeks out from contest date. My body is changing rapidly. Craziness. I'm so caught up in it all it is consuming me. The semester ended. I finished just short all A's. That darn Advanced English kicked my booty!

Boys are SUPER BUSY! Not extremely busy! SUPER BUSY...NOTHING ELSE DESCRIBES the amount of dentist, doctors, camps, clinics, games, football and basketball, swimming, parties, everything goiung on at this moment in time. I'm enjoying it. Cayden will be 6 on Thursday...my baby is grown. All the babies are growing up.

My mind - as clear as it can be for now I guess.  Remants of things sometimes floating through my head but I'm too busy to concentrate for too long. I went to the women's retreat this weekend. My soul has been blessed.  She whispered to me and said, the only thing you haven't let go of is the fear.  Pastor Harper said toss out the Purpose Driven Life, you won't find the purpose for your life in there. I agree. I smile because she said I'm using my gifts, I frown because she said I'm afraid...of what? Life. True.

I haven't written in weeks, more lately...people are hungry, mom must cook.

Song In My Head - Wrap Me in Your Arms

Nothing else to say. Thank you Lord!


Just Me

I watched a poetry event last week on tv. And while the actual poetry reads were lackadaisical, the experience thereafter was satisfying. Best thing I've watched in a while. As with all human interaction, you're often forced to confront some things about yourself. For me, it was my less than positive thinking sometimes. Nevertheless, for this one, having little correlation to the event and due to a lack of anything else more inspiring to write about, I’ll discuss my favorites. Some clearly apparent. Some possibly only assumed? Not sure. But, here goes:


Green, easily, with black running a close race.

Current Quote:

“The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference," when remembering that disdain doesn't equate to a definitive disinterest in a person. Also, the understanding that a general feeling of indifference is wholly, the absence of love - for the moments when I find myself giving the cold shoulder to individuals I genuinely love.
Lauryn Hill

*My favorite quote changes weekly!


My mom, hands down.

Pair of shoes:

My Black and White Suede Pumas! Hands down, I could sleep in them. I'll buy another pair soon


 Bell Hooks. Attempting to make my way through all of her books. Current read: Yearning: Race, Gender and Cultural Politics.

Fashion trend:

Jeggings, if you knew men then you know how boney I am right new in the season and these are the only thing that still make me look like "damn, she bangin". Everything else is a potato sack.


Marsha Ambrosia - Hands down right now, she is reading my mind.


Tupac is my all time favorite but right now Wiz Khalifah and Lupe Fiasco is on heavy rotation.


Ego Trippin’ – Nikki Giovanni


Jada Pinkett - Smith - Simply Untouchable


Current Seven Pounds. I love this movie. Like LOVE!

Old Skool - The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh, Imititation of Life, Lady Sings the Blues, Mahogany


Lose Myself - Marsha Ambrosia

Conversation topic:

love, relationships, books, kids (sorry), the future

Thing(s) to do on a Saturday morning:

Work Out

Places to shop:

H&M and Macy’s.


All Food

Television show:

The First 48

Quality in myself:

In my 37 years of age, I’ve garnered an ability to quickly determine the limits of a connection with most individuals. I've managed to waste less time….and heartache.


My Blackberry. I feel super typical saying this, but it's true that I can better compose on my Blackberry than on my laptop.

Daily revelation:

I'm stronger than I realize.

So I truly love those who love me

Sometimes it’s necessary to simply allow people to move through your life. Getting in the way of whatever their purpose was/is is akin to getting in the way of yourself. Regardless of the duration of their stay, there's always a lesson to be learned from their arrival. Grasp the lesson.


Sometimes outwardly, but usually subconsciously, I’ve found myself attempting to control or ruminating over the roles individuals play in my life – determining their relevance and at times feeling spiteful. Neither activity is progressive and neither have sharpened my understanding/clarified a decision on how to handle him/her. Both have saddled my mind and spirit with the kind of heavy, unnerving load that misfortune will often heap upon you.

But so far, so good.

Epiphanies happen most often when I choose to loosen my grip on what’s to be expected of life. More recently, I’d begun to question my value in the hearts of those I’ve allowed into my circle. I question it, exhibit reactionary behavior as a result of it (whether it be direct, evasive, passive-aggressive), and then settle in to question why any of “what they feel about me” matters. On several occasions, to my embarrassment, I find that their interest or regard had never shifted to begin with. Easily making real the fear of a sort of unrequited respect, unrequited love.

 Long ago, I came back in contact with girl I’d had one of the most tumultuous connections with.  It’s been six years since speaking with her and before allowing a conversation to ensue, I had to calm what deep-seated concerns I had. She could easily be considered one of those friends who shook my faith in friendships. Nevertheless, I allowed the line of conversation to take place with subtle trepidation and to my surprise, she seemed to have changed her disruptive ways. Her one frustration was that I cut off contact with her without explanation. A frustration she’d have to get over, and by the close of the conversation, she did. Since, I’ve allowed the friendship to do whatever it’s suppose to do – maintaining boundaries, but thinking very little of it’s direction and development. With my worrying mind, it’s best.

In short, and with regard to the title of this one, it’s become much more easy to love those who love me, care for those who care for me and focus on those individuals. Not in a selfish way or to a neurotic degree, but allowing those friends & family who want to feed you, feed you. And in the interim, when they have been called to tend to the needs of other significant parties/forces in their lives, make productive my time alone (as I do so well). Should the connection dissipate, very simply, our time together was up.

Two tears in a bucket...lol


If they wouldn't judge me

Couple things I'd (probably) do if I knew noone would judge...

-cut all my hair off and were an Amber Rose

-wear the same black, True Religion skinny jeans everyday for a month. And every other day after that.

-wear house shoes everywhere I went and no shoes to walk to the mailbox

-bear my soul to an extent that even I wouldn't be comfortable with (at least not at first), verbally and in composition, on this blog.

-sit with the most important individuals in my life and tell them how I feel

-write each one of those individuals a letter to express everything I'm sure to fail to verbalize.

-disengage in most everyone else.

-be honest with employers when realizing mid-interview, I don't want the job.

-be less inhibited in discussing love, relationships and sex

-I'd give more hugs

-travel more often, maybe even sometimes, alone.

-go "public" with this blog

-be more upfront about the "story behind the story"

-just do it

Likes / Dislikes


Marsha’s entire “Late Nights and Early Mornings” album but this song in particular

A friend who doesn't feel I'm not a friend just because I don't call or email everyday

Clean emails (see dislikes)

The changes I see each morning, new and improved

Expanding my vocabulary

Learning a lesson in the saying “if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans”

The beautifulness that is Lauryn Hill and Erykah Badu

The advice “don’t be concerned with how you come across, just write”


Emails with tons of forwards and forwards and forwards attached
The disrespect that many in our nation continue to give our president

The abrupt ending of friendships/connections

The reality that sometimes first impressions are wrong

What’s considered newsworthy (- Black Women are Less Attractive?)

Suddenly hiccupping while taking a big gulp of water and my morning pills

Drinking fish oil each meal

At times, being the only one to see the duplicity in an individual’s nature