AB Nesh

A - Age: 35

B - Bed size: Cal King Tempurpedic

C - Chore you hate: Baseboards

D - Dog's name: ummm yuck!

E - Essential start your day item: check the blackberry

F - Favorite color(s): Green

G - Gold or Silver: Silver

H - Height: 5' 6

I - Instruments you play: none but I'd love piano lessons

J - Juice Choice - apple but treetop only

K - Kids: my life

L - Living arrangements: Ward Tribe

M - Mom's name: Jessie

N - Nicknames: Nesh

O - Overnight hospital stay: Appendectomy, Children's birth

P - Pet Peeve: oh too many too name

Q - Quote from a movie: "I'll shut up, but when he leave, I'll be talking again" Friday

R - Right or left handed: Right

S - Siblings: 2 sisters

T - Time you wake up: 5:30am

U - Underwear: granny panties are my pleasure! :-) NOT

V - Vegetable you dislike: beets, ICK

W - Workout style: GO HARD OR GO HOME!

X - X-rays you've had: BACK, ARMS, NECK, FEET, BELLY

Y - Yesterday's best moment: listening to a motivational cd that I related to so much that I actually caught myself riding and nodding my head and answering the speaker while driving in my car.

Z - Zoo favorite: monkeys!


More Susan Smith Type Ish!

Okay so this morning I'm watching the news. I see that a mother and her child were abducted by "two black men" who "hit her car" then put her in the trunk of their cadillac. She had called 911 7 times from her cell phone but the authorities were unable to locate them.

So let me tell you my first reaction when I saw this story on the news. I looked at the screen, pointed my finger to the tv and said "LIAR". Yes, folks. I looked right at the broad's face and knew she was somewhere having a good laugh, and in a day or two would be on tv crying and saying she was sorry and she had some mental "issues". Just wait...it's coming. I didn't know that Susan Smith had a sister....guess she thought blaming two black men would make the story more plausible. Hope they throw the book at this loser. Of course, she will be "evaluated" for psychological problems and then receive counseling....what a world, what a world!!!

Why did I call her a liar before it was announced? Simple! You and your little kid are kidnapped in broad daylight in your cadillac escalade by two black men who force you into a trunk? LADY WHO THE HELL YOU FOOLIN! Even if you were neck deep in the Oakcliff Projects somebody would be calling the police from their metropcs saying "some white lady and her little girl just got forced into a trunk by Pookie and Mookie, ya'll better get over here". Nobody called the police BUT HER! 7 times too!

How can I not be critical of this story following "Mrs. BLACK MAN DID IT", herself, Susan Smith, who claimed that a black man was stupid enough to carjack her and drive around the city with her two little white kids in the backseat? If he was crackish enough to carjack her PURPLE KIA he would have stolen her purse maybe and dropped that car off at the next block....and further more, what mother is not getting dragged by her fingernails as a crazy carjacker drives off with her two babies in the car!


Let's not forget Charles Stuart, the infamous coward who shot his pregnant wife in a black neighbor, not 5 blocks from a hospital and claimed that a black man with a raspy voice hopped into their car and robbed and shot them. Why oh Why would a black man hop in someone's car at the light, rob them and then shoot the man in the stomache and the woman in the head? I mean really! AND THE POLICE. They ran with this BS! Stopping every black man in the city. They made GROUP ARRESTS! I do realize they were doing their job but this dude had the gull to even pick an innocent man out of lineup after creating havoc in Boston's black community. It was only after his brother Matthew Stuart grew a conscious and admitted to helping Charles that night this is story crumpled. The coward did Massachusetts a favor by saving tax dollars and leaping to his own death.

I won't go into the massive amounts of other false stories that I'm sure some other's have gotten away with but I'll leave you with the famous story of Rosewood, Fl. ,in which at least 6 blacks were murdered because of a LIAR!!! The woman claimed to have been raped and beaten by a black man but later a neighbor described seeing a white man leave out of her back door. It was later found that she had a relationship with this man behind her husband's back.

I say this to say, if you want a divorce...LEAVE. If you are tired of raising your children, don't be afraid to be a coward, BOUNCE! Leave them right on the curb and drive away! If you don't want to want to marry the man - just RUN AWAY AND NEVER CONTACT HIM AGAIN! Don't say some stranger kidnapped you on your wedding day. If you embezzled money from your company, MAN UP! Fake your own death if you must but don't involve others! Don't blame Kobe because he bent you over the chair and hit it doggystyle and now he is on to the next conquest! Cheater yes, Rapist no. Oh darn, I'm getting off the subject.

Frustration I guess with a mother who simply wants attention and decides to say to black men stole her and her daughter, meanwhile they hopped a flight to Florida for Disneyworld. What story will she come up with now to get her out of this mess. Stress? Mental Disorder? Drugs? The Mob? Abusive Husband. Whatever it is I hope for once someone has to actually pay for the police effort put into this - IN DOLLARS AND JAIL! We as mothers have all wanted to run away some days. Can you imagine if I ran away for two days and said some white man kidnapped me and was later found in Vegas at the roulette table. I would be CRUCIFIED for life as the crazy black chick who blamed a white man for kidnapping her. I have a feeling this is what Mrs. Bonnie Sweeten has coming though...the soccermom will be receiving whispers behind her back even after she pays her $500 fine and 3 days of time served in jail.

Last but not least, the thing that annoys me the most is that stories like this even make the news. Meanwhile a little girl who escapes her REAL KIDNAPPERS barely made the evening paper and we can't even get a follow up story.

One of my favorite pics

Just wanted to share one of my favorite pics of my kiddo!


Tyson daughter dies in a tragic accident

blessings go out to the Tyson family. Following Cayden's accident last year I am fully aware of how quickly 4 year old's can get into things. There is no emotion to describe what a mother or father feels once their child is injured especially when it results in death. It's seems awkward that just this weekend I was watching the Tyson Biography in the car on the way up to Reno. After watching it I thought to myself, "how sad for his entire life". He only feels as if one man truly loved him. He spoke of how much his children's mother loved them and did EVERYTHING for them. No words can describe the sadness in my hurt right now.

Blessings to the Tyson family.

Hi God. Are you still there?

Hi God,

How are you? I mean, I know that I don’t often talk about you on my blog. Not in any overt or effluent manner at least. That's certainly not me. Maybe because I worry too much about what other's think. But since you permeate my life, I’ve never felt the need to separate you from everything else I do in my life. Sorta funny… I can probably count on one hand the number of posts that have been exclusively about you. Well this is one of those posts…

See… you’ve helped me get through a lot in my relatively short life time. I’m still amazed when I think about it all. The physical and emotional abuse in trying to find love, ups and downs of life's pitfalls, verbal assaults,public humiliation and discouragement I’ve either witnessed or experienced firsthand… all those times I felt like there was absolutely no way I could ever succeed, you intervened on my behalf and pulled me through to victory. Miracles. Many of them. Certainly. There are no explanations for how I’m even still alive today other than because of you. But today… in spite of all the personal evidence that has accumulated over the years… I’m deeply trouble and my heart is breaking.

No, its not because of the economy, the war in Iraq, controversy over abortion, same sex marriage, or even the poverty that you said would be with us always. And no, it has nothing to do with my job,kids or my marriage. All of those things are okay. My heart is breaking because more and more I’m meeting people who have been genuinely searching for you, asking about you and wanting to understand you. But the common feeling among them all is that you’re either hiding away or simply don’t exist at all. And that breaks my heart.

I can’t help but think that all you’d need to do is show them. Or rather, reveal yourself to them. Yes, I read and fully understand

John 6:44, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him...“
. So my question is this:

Why won’t you simply manifest your power in a way that is both clear and irrefutably you and you alone?

I mean, I know you’re not a magician, and are by no means obligated to perform miracles on demand. But I just feel as if it would at least end much of the debate over your existence. It could provide a clear foundation upon which we could begin to dialog about a life lived for you. At least for those who may be confused or full of doubt over what’s real. I know many people who find it difficult to believe in you when the only evidence they are presented with are the thoughts and lives of imperfect people.

I’ve combed the Bible many times and I can cite several scriptures that would confirm that we shouldn’t be waiting on signs and miracles. Scriptures such as Matthew 16:4 that says,

“A wicked and adulterous generation looks for a miraculous sign, but none will be given it except the sign of Jonah.“ But I also know of several instances in your word where you did just that… In Exodus 7:8-12, you told Moses that if Pharoah asked for a miracle to throw down his staff and it would become a snake. You said in
I Chronicles 16:11-12

, “Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,”.
Is it an issue of faith? In Matthew 13:58 it states that you, “did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.“ Is that why there has been an absence of recorded bonafide miraculous activity in our society?

Through all the trials Lord you continue to put in me the compassion that yearns for the wounded to be healed and the hurting to be comforted. To my own detriment I still have empathy for those who even try to hurt me. You told me to demonstrate your love to the world so that others might come to know you as I have.

And still, my heart breaks.

I’m looking to see a tangible manifestation of your power. I wish I wasn't...but it's in me. Probably because I need that more than anyone right now, because I want to be able to hold the hands of those who are wandering in search of you, point to you and say, “Here he is! Right here! See?? He’s just like I described him to you!“ I want to introduce you to them, like a father who finally makes it to the final school play of the year.

Until then, I know that you are here because I've always been provided for. Even when I forget to say thank you.

Love always,

I snagged this from Sam over at Sam I Am. Too cute!!!

Here are the rules:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search (http://www.flickr.com/). b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s Mosaic Maker (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php).
d. Save the image and blog it!

1. What is your first name? Nesha
2. What is your favorite food? Seafood
3. What is your favorite color? Green
4. Favorite drink? Water
5. Dream vacation? Jamaica
6. Favorite Hobby? Reading
7. What you want to be when you grow up? Successful
8. What do you love most in life? Happiness
9. One word to describe you? Difficult
10. How do you feel right now? Lonely
11. What do you believe in? God
12. In crisis I? Listen to music

The Weekend

(is it the new thing to make funny faces as your parents attempt to take a nice picture of you)

Took a short vacation/tournament to Reno this weekend. We all enjoyed ourselves even though the team didn't win. Funny...it's the first time in a while that we've lost a tournament and I haven't been spitting mad about it.
I guess it had something to do with the fact that my kids were smiling almost the entire weekend. They behaved themselves even about 10 rooms down, they didn't ask me for money all weekend, they were mature and school is over! Well at least the regular school year. Summer school starts next week for both. I'm also looking forward to a short break in the carpool for a moment. Oh yeah, and I won MONEY!!! A descent amount off of $20.00.

I watched them this weekend and thought to myself. Wow - we are doing a pretty good job...well until I saw them eacy receive a tech during the game this weekend. I said "boys please don't do that again, you embarrass us as parents when you go there". Craig however took a different approach "you BETTER not EVER do that again...please my butt". Gotta love it!

I was even more touched this morning when I woke up to the Obama's selection for Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. She has an inspiring story no doubt. I loved hearing her say that her mother gave the ultimate sacrifice for her success in life and with all that she had accomplished she still only felt as if she was half the woman her mother was. That's beautiful.

Short week! Lot's to get done. Get to work people and make it a great day!


RIP - Dolla

Another life taken to early. Live fast die fast I guess. I wasn't a particular fan of his music but anytime I see a youth die so young I'm moved to tears. This one bothered me all night long for some reason. His eyes seem to tell a story of a kid who thought he had finally "made it"....hhmmmm


Self Actualization - Continued

Do you think there is ever a time when your children will realize the many sacrifices you are willing to make for their success and happiness? I am a mother who will go to the ends of the earth to insure that my children have a life I believe they deserve. Would it change they way they feel or treat me if they knew? Probably not but it doesn't matter. It is my job to give them a good childhood and make sure they have tools to be successful adults. My children are my joy, my "extra-curricular", my inspiration and my life. I cannot begin to imagine what my life would be like if I was never a mother. I realize for most of my life it has been the only thing that even defines me. I've also realized that I will sacrafice ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING for them.Anything,anyone,everything. Is this to my own detriment? Maybe. Do I care? I give not a damn. Will I walk through fire and brimestone for them???? Without a doubt. My answer is an emphatic......YES.



Why do people ask you "do I have anything in my nose" and look up at you? uummm yuck!

Why do people say "call me if you need anything" and then when you call they are too busy?

Why do people say "why didn't you call me?" knowing they didn't really want you to call them and if you had they would have said "I can't right now, sorry"

Why do people say, no thank you to gum when it's offered? If I'm offering, you probably need it.

Why do people send text forwards and email forwards of sexually explicit pictures to people they've never had sex with?

Why do people send text forwards and email forwards of encouraging emails to people they haven't talk to in years and never say anything personal with the attachment?

Why do people who complain about how broke they are and can't pay for anything always seem to have the most expensive car, cellphone or clothes...better yet why they always gone somewhere like out of town, out to dinner or on vacation.

Why do folks walk around with scowls and frowns on their face but always got the nerve to say "I don't like going there, those people arent very friendly"...or "I don't like that person, they always look so men"

Why do folks be saying "I need to go on a diet" but steadily eating a extra large bowl of ice cream.

Why do parents with filthy rooms always have the nerve to tell their kids to get their rooms clean?

Why are all the bad kids at daycare and school named Isiaha, Elijah,Mary, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John....they ought to be named Judas,Goliath,Nebuchadnezzar,Pharoah, Jezebel.

Why do I throw up in my mouth a little bit everytime I see Amy Winehouse or Lil' Wayne without his shirt on (yes he does look like a tree frog people, sorry)

Why do I walk in Walmart to get one thing and walk out with a host of other things.

Why was I so annoyed when I started writing this post but now I feel sooo much better.

I guess it's true..."Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"


Mi nombre es Nesha

So I'm told I need to probably continue to see a counselor and in order to continue to "feel better". Funny thing is that last time I went it went something like this. I go in and sit down with him and begin to talk and next thing you know we spent at least half the session with the counselor spilling his guts to me! At least he was slightly confused by it. It's happened since I was a kid though, people telling me their deepest darkest secrets, crying on my shoulder. It doesn't matter where we are they just can't help themselves. Drunks at parties cornering me to tell me about their marital woes, complete strangers on buses or in stores telling me far more than I need to hear, the teacher in the parent teacher conference. I wonder if there's a sign on my forehead that I can't see, but everyone else can. A part of me wanted to throw a tantrum & stomp my foot & yell "It's not fair, it's MY TURN! I'm paying you to listen to me & help me understand myself". Instead I tried to put my meagre newly learned counseling skills into practice & resigned myself to this taking longer than I'd hoped. Hey, he & I will both come out of this happier & healthier.I went home and told everyone it turned out beautifully and I felt good. Funny thing is after spilling his guts he told me I would feel much better if I started Wellbutrin.

Sometimes I regret my posts and leave them into draft mode so that I don't have to deal with it at the time or because I feel that someone may take it wrong, but I'm sick of presenting the everything ok mask & being the one everyone turns to for help & advice without them being aware that I too have my own major issues & some of them really are overdue for fixing. Part of my upbringing taught me to present the facade to the world "no problems here, just perfection". Meanwhile our family was sometimes imploding in the privacy of our home. I learned at a young age not to write anything about your personal thoughts & feelings & ACTIONS down as there was no such thing as privacy & they will be dragged out & ridiculed, so this is a bit of a who gives a damn anyway gesture on my part.

So here's a little glimpse of me.

Sad thoughts a filigree of shadows on my mind

Haunting lines, fine tracery never seeming to end

Will I ever find a different brush to help me paint another picture

Laughter in bright colours over pale mauve of tears

I let the sky into my heart, but there it changes form

Blue seas of melancholy swell

Grey waves swallow up my smiles

Let me find another palette and mix the colours of my life

Perhaps I'll find a brighter hue to start again

For I dream of radiant colours where the greenest grass grows

That's where we'll meet again soon

You'll gaze into my eyes and smile

...a perfect smile


You The Best - Drake and Swizz

My new "stand in front of the mirror and shake that azz while no one is around song"...better yet, my "get me through those last 10 squats while this plays in my ipod" song.

I am the best huh! LOL

Back Again

So I returned home to my beautiful Cali where the weather is HOT! I really enjoyed Texas but both weekends were rainy...in fact the first Saturday I found myself in the middle of a thunderstorm in which the Dalls Cowboys practice facility even collapsed.

So I return...and feel so appreciated and loved by all. My boys were all waiting for me and Cayden at the airport with flowers, balloons and gifts! Yes, gifts! They replaced my black pumas that I been wearing the hell out of with some fresh new ones. I adore these pumas man! They go with everything. They awesome got me a beautiful top that you'll probably see in a second.

Love it!

My car is in the shop getting new brakes, my house is clean, I had Red Lobster for my belated Mother's Day and beautiful cards too. Wow! I guess absense does make the heart grow fonder.

So my kids were a little annoyed by the fact that I came back with a new favorite song. Lil' Wayne "We Like Her"...interesting and catchy little tune that I won't post at this time until I can find the edited version (smile). I caught myself humming it all weekend.

I also caught up with my baby girl/bff Stacy and enjoyed some time with her. I love her!

My mommy and daddy haven't change. They still are relaxed, give my soul what it needs, fill my belly and let me rest my head. My sister even managed to fly in for a few days so that we could all spend Mother's Day with my mom. Sweeeet!

Now back to our scheduled programming!


Effin It Up for Your Kid---

USC and UCLA scared off by AAU and alleged horrible stepfather. Last week, Renardo Sidney, a 6'10 power forward ranked No. 16 overall in the 2009 Rivals 150, decided to take his game to Mississippi State. It was a minor recruiting coup for the Bulldogs, and slightly out of nowhere: Since when do big power forwards with versatile perimeter games choose Starkville -- and no offense, MSU, but we all know it's true -- over places like USC and UCLA? What made the Bulldogs so appealing?

Well basically, that would be...no choices!

Sidney had already chosen USC. His family threw a lavish party for his signing announcement, and in dramatic fashion, Sidney pulled a USC cap from a box, as the party clapped in celebration. USC rescinded its scholarship offer, and now Sidney is headed back to Mississippi. Huh?

Basically, AD's from both schools have been quoted as saying the risk was just too great.

Though they are from rival schools who often wage intense battles for the same athletes, the sources agreed on this about Sidney: The reward of suiting up such a prodigious talent was not worth the larger risk. Bruins and Trojans sources both say they were wary of potentially intense NCAA scrutiny prompted by these issues: Despite what was perceived as a limited income, the family moved multiple times and resided in upscale homes during Sidney's high school years; and stepfather Renardo Sr. directed a club basketball team with financial backing that was unclear beyond a relatively modest shoe company sponsorship. Plus there was this: A source intimately familiar with Sidney's recruitment said a university official thought the stepfather had strongly hinted that he expected to be compensated if his son signed with the school.

In other words, even USC, a school that took in O.J. Mayo sight unseen and whose football program has been under investigation for what seems like the last five years thought Renardo Sidney's father was too much of a loose cannon to deal with. Same goes for UCLA before them. All jokes about recruiting stuff aside, how often do coaches just walk away from talented recruits like this? How seemingly dirty do you have to be for two major programs to just ... walk away?