Happy Birthday Twins

Dear Twins,

I often marvel at you. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with emotion, the rush of joy when you do something amazing and wonder and responsibilitythat God has placed in making you my child—I fear my heart might burst from love of you. Sometimes when you are sleeping I stare and stare at you. I catch myself doing that even when you aren't sleeping. Every expression that flits across your face, I have memorized. I have sometimes asked God “How can I be deserving of these little boys?”.

 Did you really come out of me? Someone who struggled so much in this life to be a good person. A spoiled brat, a selfish twit, an infant mind that didn't respect motherhood until I actually was one. The moment I first heard you cry—wailing in protest at being plucked from my womb—that moment was the greatest relief and the highest fright I have ever known. And when I held you that first time, I felt I’d always known you. No greater joy have I known than the hugs you give me, even to this day. No greater sense of power than when I calm your worries. No greater sense of accomplishment than watching you grow.
Proud doesn't begin to describe how I feel for you on this day. You've changed my life. There was a time when I couldn't imagine 17 years of caring for you. That was probably when you were born and I was 19. So very long ago. We...you both, have so much further to go but I am overwelmed with joy in what you have become thus far.

So I couldn't leave this so completely serious, I have to save something for your 18th birthday right. In honor of your day, I've prepared a list (you know how I love lists), of things I need to do with you or have happen before you turn 18.

1. I want to see my sons' plan, shop for, prepare, serve and clean up after a meal he serves to

our family (should be easier with two of you)

2.  I want to go on a trip with the boys of at least three days duration, without overlooking their packing and without  forgetting a single thing. (hhmmmm, it would kill me not to check those bags...impossible)

3. I want to kick of this non-profit Diaper Drive with them and have them fully vested and insure that I won't have to do all the work.

4. I want to see them take their little brother's to a day out that includes something like a movie or Chuckie Cheese and not have at least one little brother come back crying saying that the twins were picking on them.

5. I want to see my son take full advantage of every “extra-credit” opportunity offered by his teachers.

6. I want to visit at least three college campus' of their choice.
7. I want to see my sons' take a position at school that includes something other than sports like, student goverment.
8. I'd like to catch them praying to God or reading their bible a time that doesn't include me beginning it or telling them to do it.
9. I want to see them do some random acts of kindness in a way that isn't normally expected of teenage boys.
Anyway, there some other things, I'm sure but I'm caught up in the whole moment of them being 17 tomorrow and so much better than I ever was at their age that my heart is warmed and I"m happy.


...Just Friends?

according to Steve Harvey...

"He's your friend only because you have made it absolutely clear that nothing else is happening except this friendship that we have. We remain your friend in hopes that one day there will be a crack in the door. Trust and believe that guy you think is just your buddy will slide right into that crack the moment he gets the opportunity. 99.9% of us think that way."

Here's my perspective: I see where he's coming from but I can't say I agree wholeheartedly. There are a few exceptions...

1. Believe it or not, it's possible for two people of the opposite sex to have a "brother and sister" relationship where there is no physical attraction what so ever- and even if there is, they would rather not risk the awkwardness and regret of taking things where they had no business going.

2. Not all men who see an attractive female want to date or sleep with her. I've noticed that women tend to view other women differently than men. To another woman she may gorgeous, but to a man she looks average which makes it that much easier for him to just be friends with her. Every woman is not every man's "type."

3. There are attractive men who get hit on all the time. Some men are so accustomed to being surrounded by beautiful women that befriending another one won't immediately turn them on.

Do you think Steve has some self control issues and is making a generalized assumption that all men are the same way? Or do you agree that it's impossible for a man to seek nothing more than friendship from a woman


Gym Etiquette 101

I believe we need to revisit this topic once again. Not enough of the world received the memo the first time. Gym 101 should be posted but since it's a community gym (of which we pay dues), it can't be. I get it.   I realize the gym is a public facility, its open space for everyone.  I've seen it all, and the most recent episode was watching the woman dance...yes dance...on the treadmill.  I got so caught up in thinking about which song she must be run dancing to, that I couldn't mind my own business (that's a whole other post). It took every ounce of me not to laugh in her face. Then, there are the people that are "want to be" trainers. They insist on telling you how to correct your form.  Obviously you don't know your muscle groups if I'm working on front delts and you correct me in a way that will work my rear delts.  I had to politely tell her, "I'm not doing that muscle today, maybe tomorrow" (smile, "thank darlin, 'preciate it").  Mind you, this woman doesn't work at the gym. Just feels the need to include everyone else in her, "I was once a trainer" show. Here are a few other things gym bugging issues:

Do you REALLY feel the need to stare in between my legs when I'm doing the hip adductor machine. Me opening and closing my legs is DEFINITELY is not an invite for you to stare and non-verbally admit that you're in dire need of a five finger fix.

Enterning the  gym smelling as if you just came from a gym is a big no-no. Just because you're going to sweat, doesn't give you the right to omit washing and caring for your personal hygiene.

When entering the sauna in your speedo while I'm the only other person in the sauna, must you feel the need to sit next to me. I mean, there are 3-4 other benches available and plenty of room for us to spread out.

Just like the club, the gym dress code should be enforced. Coming to work out in blue jeans causes crotch-rot and UGG boots or flip flops is just plain silly. Not to mention you look ridiculous.

Okay, you forgot your towel.  I get it, I've done it before and when I do I usually put my track jacket or t-shirt on the bench to catch my sweat.  If you forgot it then get the papertowels and santizers provided in all gyms and wipe it down afterwards and when you do this please pick up your papertowels so we don't have to touch your sweaty bacteria.

Are you REALLY, dropping 30 pound dumbbells on the ground after your set? REALLY, that's pretty heavy for a 250 lb guy doing a chest press. Be nice if you didn't scare the beegeezus out of all of us or attempt to break the weights so that we can't use them.

Just because you're at the gym with your four, five, or 12 best buddies, does not give you the right to act like you have no sense. We don't need to know what "broads" you like or why that "dude is doing you wrong.", take it down a notch.  Part II - if alone, please don't hold up the machine while you text on it for an hour...I'm waiting.

Finally, and most importantly...okay so you are a muscle head who leg presses 800lbs.  Unfortunately, I'm just a mere mortal who only leg presses 360 and even I know enough to know that's too much to leave on. Done with the machine? RACK IT! Nobody wants to take 15 45lb plates off before they can start their reps!

Song in My Head


don't be a 'female' in south central while drinking your juice pretending to be a Lady... in the hood.

there are hoes and there are housewives. then there are hoe-ish housewives. but those types usually live on Wisteria Lane, or more recently, in Atlanta(Real Housewives...ha). and wherever the Basketball Wives reside. but i'd be inclined to say that only .12% of them are actually a wife, so nevermind.

anyhoo, aside from those conglomerates of hoe and housewife, the women in the latter category usually will scoff at the mention of their name even in the same sentence as a woman who wears the hoe-tag, consciously or not.

i feel the same about the word "female". ewwww

anyone who talks to me has probably seen me say this before, but i literally cringe deep inside somewhere when i hear or read a man call a woman a 'female'. first, it just seems like a pg substitute for b*tch, and who wants to be called that besides Trina and the woman who thinks black and b*tchy are the same thing?
basically, if you want to be treated like and called (and sometimes labeled) a Lady or Woman, there should be evidence in your daily life and even what you choose to put out on the internet (HEAVY eye to the side to Facebook and 87% of the status updates), that you are indeed one of these.

I'm seriously talking to the 'females' in Ladies' clothing. the ones who claim to demand so much respect and will get all offended if someone calls their spade a spade. that's who i'm talking about. who look to be grown, intelligent women on the surface, but whose actions and words clearly tell otherwise.

don't put your business out on facebook, myspace, twitter people, especially if you're living the trifelife and you're in denial about it. we don't need to hear about your trifling babydaddy and the new b*tch he has, or the random d*ck you got last night, that it's 420, or the dude you dog out and tell to getadamnjob because you don't deal with broke fools, but yet steady lay on your back errynight for him. and if you have a Masters but cannot construct ONE sentence without using every four-letter word that man created...

just stop.

it makes you look bad. and it makes men label you as female. and i know us women all check the 'F' box when filling out personal documents, but that's where our female label should end, in my opinion. at the biological level. plus, who wants to be the pg version of b*tch? jussayin. get it together.

moral of the story: if you talk about it, BE about it. and if you aren't, don't get mad if people call you out about it.

(ps. if you are offended by this post... you're probably one of these 'female' creatures)


Men Sharing...hhmmm

Re-Visiting You Me And She

A few weeks ago I had a discussion with one of my girlfriends about the state of black women and men and relationships and her take was, we need to start mansharing cause there are only a few good ones left and we have to keep them happy.  In other words, take what you can get, get what you want, enjoy while you can and most importantly, do not complain.
It took me a moment to realize just how serious she was. I'm working on doing my best to be careful about my words and non-judgmental when evaluating people and their relationship issues. Actually I hate it when people are overly critical of others behavior since they seem to have forgotten that before they were perfect they were a mess. It's so easy to judge when you don't walk in someone else's shoes. Besides one of my favorite scriptures says:
If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out.
(Galatians 6:1 The Message)

But that isn’t the scripture that caused me to write this post. I naively thought this open discussion of man sharing was new. I mean I knew it happened, but I didn’t think it was such an openly discussed topic. Unfortunately statistics and many people have indicated that the scarcity of free black men that are not interested in other free black men, has left the pickings rather slim for black women, meaning they have to share a man, look in another race, find their own Queen Latifah, or tough it out. I was reading an old book called Isaiah where I found a similar phenomenon of man sharing.

Isaiah 3:25 The men of the city will die in battle. (hmmm, is this speaking of the war we are currently in?)

And as a result:

Isaiah 4:1 That will be the day when seven women will be to one man, saying, "We'll take care of ourselves, get our own food and clothes. Just give us a child. Make us pregnant so we'll have something to live for!" (The Message)

I had seen this scripture before but it rang so loudly after our conversation. That day is not coming, that day is now. Men are being physically killed today, but more so spiritually annihilated by all the evil this society has to offer through drugs, easy sex and all the trappings of greed. Men are able to sit back and be picky saying, she’s too short, she’s too tall, she’s too thin, she’s too light etc when evaluating their choices of good women. Women are saying, he’s too locked up, he’s too gay, he’s too homeless, but, this one here has a job, a car and his own crib. I don’t have his home number, and I’ve yet to go over there, but he visits me twice a week on the regular. Unfortunately women sometimes feel as if their only choice is to settle for less until more comes along, but more never comes from the one they’ve settled for.

Anyway, to help fix this societal imbalance a little, I will continue to raise my sons to be viable and true candidates for a good woman when they are of age.

Son number one is an honor roll student who is easy going, tender, head strong, gives his momma kisses on command, washes the dishes and fries chicken but has found an interest in sports message boards, writing and a couple of girls here and there at his school. He aspires to attend Pepperdine and study Sports Medicine.

Son number two is a gifted athlete, smart, strong and radiates confidence. He is a people person, strives to achieve greatness and every teacher says he is a pleasure. His focus is on Kinesiology at a California UC
Son number three will require a woman who will take a back seat to his mom. He is secure by himself but there are a few in his 2nd grade class that are smitten by his intelligence and like to follow him on the way to the cafeteria. He is a talented artist, Xbox60 specialist, and free throw shooter. He aspires to be in the NBA when he grows up and currently could care less about anything except for his next game and if he got -0 on his spelling test.

Finally, son number four needs eligible females to wait a little longer. He is quite a project but will soon be on the verge of greatness.  He vocabulary is exceptional, has the gift of gab and a is a talented scooter rider. He aspires to be a Doctor when he grows up and currently plans on marrying his mom, but don’t worry he’ll grow out of that stage.

Our society and black men in our society have their issues. We all do. Those issues need to be addressed head on, not discussed on C-span, especially if there is no follow-up. So I’m going to try to make things better by training up my children (and any others I encounter) right. I’ll spank them now so the cops won’t have to club them later. I’ll raise them to be men that recognize good women, and are recognizable to them. I’ll raise them to refuse to share and to know that being shared by women means they have a lot in common with public toilets.

Christmas Gift Suggestions

To your enemy, forgiveness.

To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.
--Oren Arnold

Heard this on the radio this morning and it touched my heart, thought I'd share


Song In my Head

This song takes me back to the day when men were not afraid to tell their woman how they truly felt. There was no wondering. Nowadays everybody so scared of being called a punk. They would be in such a better place if they would just cherish their woman.
Unfortunately this music is mostly gone.  Occasionally, Alicia will spell it out in a song or even Charlie Wilson but sadly I don't think our music will recover :( Now they know that sex = big money. They no longer sell music they sell sex.)

My New Favorite Song



I wish my nose were a little bit smaller

I pretend to be talking on the cellphone to avoid people I don't want to talk to

It hurts my feelings when the twins don't say "bye mom" before going to school

I can sleep right through a lightning storm but will sit straight up if someone turns the TV off.

I forget how much I am loved by family and friends

I wish people would just sit still instead of saying something stupid.

I need the conversation to go a little deeper and I'm frustrated when it doesn't.

I wonder if I will ever have a true girlfriend who's okay with not competing and just listening

I get sad that my sisters don't respect my opinon or follow my advise.

I think we picked the wrong school for the boys

I love  how I look in the mirror

I hate how I look in the mirror

I literally eat garbage food all day long

I get bad feelings about something and the feelings become justified

I hate when a discussion gets ugly because we don't have the same opinion.

I have to remember that after I’ve handed my problems over to God, to not try to take them back

I wonder if Aaliyah would still be making good records today.

I hate that Mary J. Blige fell in love cause I liked her music much more when she was tragic

I wonder what I can do on the side to make extra money

I hate no one "forced" college

I still sit in my bed and cry even though I'm really happy

I wonder if everyone really reaps what they sow in this life or the next

I wonder if I will ever accomplish all that I have set in my mind.


A Teenage Love

Been thinking lately about the twins. Lots going on, school, sports, girls.  I often wonder will I ever have enough advice for them. If I'm telling them the right things, leading them in the right direction, showing them that I care and I'm concerned enough.  I find it very easy to relate to them and remember those things they are now going through and how I felt at the time that I was their age and going through the same things.  One of them has some emotional stuff going on right now and my heart was warmed when he opened up to me recently about it.  I wanted to hug him and assure him this too shall pass but I knew he needed more an ear than a hug from mommy.  In his telling of how he felt he did what we do in our family, turned on itunes, and said "listen to this song", this is how I feel.  (He's a music junkie like his mommy).  His emotions are often controlled by song just as mine are also.  This is why part of the advice I shared with him was to listen to more uplifting music than the kind that would continue to break his heart.  Of course I came home yesterday and entered the door to him in his room blasting the heck out of the song.  It's a nice tune, but definetly a downer.  I like it, but it makes me want to have a drink and grab some tissue.  My advice was, "not everyday is easy but everyday gets better and you won't feel good today but eventually this will be a memory"  I wanted to tell him to grow some balls and suck it up cause this little trick is a nutcase but I didn't think he would respond well to that one.  Instead, after he had said all he wanted to say I let him finish listening to his music and just sat with him quietly for a while.  After he left I let him sit in his room a while and then I went in sat on his bed and I simply said "As we grow up we learn that even the one person who wasn't suppose to let us down probably will, that includes our friends, loves, parents and children.  You'll have your heart broken, probably more than once and it's harder each time.  You are going to break hearts too so remember how this feels.  You'll blame a new love for what an old love did, but always be true to yourself, be truthful to each person even if it's hurts and do things that help you sleep and night and know that you are a good person.  In the end your path is already set and you and I don't know what that is but remember we are highly favored by God and everything will be work out fine." I kissed him and went to bed. 


Growing Up

“If your gonna screw up, do it while you're young. Older you get, the harder it is to bounce back.”

Winston Groom quotes

For days I’ve been slowing coming to the realization that my twins will be 17 years old in just few short days. I’ve literally found myself up the past month thinking about it. If 17 is doing this to me, what turmoil will I be in when they hit 18, or more, when I hit 40?

Quite honestly is seems, not very long okay that I was laying in a hospital bed with the ugliest dookie braids ever, and the ultrasound technician telling me she thinks she sees two heads. I remember that day so vividly. Up until that day I wasn’t even noticeable pregnant and in fact, I could I still throw on a hoodie and leave my top button open on the jeans and still be just as cute. Fast forward to the next morning after finding out the news; that twins would be arriving in just over three months. I blew up overnight. The next morning I could no longer fit anything. By 8 months, it was impossible to even get normal shoes on and I was wearing these stupid house shoes with green and red bell peppers on them everywhere. Something I wouldn’t be caught dead in, even in the house now days. I suddenly pictured myself carrying to car seats, pushing two strollers, two high chairs, two swings, two of everything. I wasn’t far from it. It was my reality. Funny thing is, I look back now and remember what a short time it was. We grew up so fast. The years have flown by. Too fast. For me, I’ll take digging in the couch for quarters for diapers, shopping in Kmart for matching outfits that looked like the GAP, the bobsled stroller and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at Cherry Park on a Saturday compared to now. Now, it’s checking grades, worried about them driving bad weather, girlfriend drama, GPA’s, college entry and watching them grow. I’m stomping my hands and kicking my feet. I’m not ready.



The most selfish one-letter word - "I" Avoid it.
The most satisfying two-letter word - "We" Use it.
The most poisonous three-letter word - "Ego" Kill it.
The most used four-letter word - "Love" Value it.
The most pleasing five-letter word - "Smile" Keep it.
The fastest spreading six-letter word - "Rumour "Ignore it.
The hardest working seven-letter word - "Success" Achieve it.
The most enviable eight-letter word - "Jealousy" Distance it.
The most powerful nine-letter word - "Knowledge" Acquire it.
The most essential ten-letter word - "Confidence" Trust it.

I found this, while looking for something else. This was better than what I was looking for.