Mi llama Nesha (Revealing Just a bit)

Working on revealing the real me for so long,
trying to get to the unedited,in stereo, the stuff I never wanted anyone to see
Trying not to be that simple woman, but not too complex,
I wish I had it in me to live in the moment, but I'm afraid of what's next,
I have to set the record straight
I am so tired of being Ms. Misunderstood...

When I look in the mirror I see someone full of bs, a slacker, a regretter
I so badly want to be that" go-getter",
What is it I want to "go get"?
Constant indecision puts out my fire
So many great things to which I aspire

The voices, the demons, insecurity scare away the potential I hold
Taking care of an entire house, but still I fold
my heart and mind are broken and it holds me back
I feel so constantly judged, mourning bad decisions, indecisions and the confidence I lack.
My D&G dreams get lost somewhere in my Target budget reality
stopping myself and I realize I will be alone forever with this mentality

My pain is hidden behind the crooked smirk I call a smile
It's all a front ya'll, I see your mouth moving but my mind is gone a country mile
Therapy continues in my head with every frown, grimace and grin
I'd like to think I'm more complex and my skin wasn't so thin.
where does it come from, all this pain
I close my eyes and search my mind. Damn, I know the reality is that I'm insane.
You know like, the red pill or the blue one, to make it through the day
tired of writing now, where can I lay?

I love it here, it's quiet no doubt
Can't hear what the voices are yellin about,
My mind plays tricks so I can't be alone too long
saving grace is often the 23 Psalms
Sometimes I feed off of human connection
Quite sure I've been a little "off" since inception.
Some people say "not wrapped tight" or a toy short of a happy meal.
I know I've got issues, just keeping it real

Told myself long ago I will not be ruled by what others perceive
It's just the opposite that I have achieved
always worried about this one and that
slowly have become a human doormat
working on allowing myself to get back

....okay I'm tired of this raggedy poem, I'm off to something else...sorry ya'll. Until next time

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