Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
1/11/12
Rambling Thoughts
Inception is a remarkable documentary with a very unique storyline. I recommend to all who have yet to see. Just when you think that you have witnessed, read or heard it all, here comes a screenplay which leaves you captivated, and discussing the plot long after the final credits have rolled. Think The Sixth Sense meets The Matrix.
Where they do dat at: Here it is 2011 and I am amazed there are still people who turn their backs on the very ones who had been there for them, time and time again. If that isn't enough, these same people will turn around and be there for the ones who turned their backs on them in the first place.
If I have ever learned anything in life: I have learned that society might discriminate upon the color of your skin, economic status, hairstyle, gender, beliefs, your troubled past, educational background, insecurities, whatever. But regardless of those supposed drawbacks, please understand one thing; the most important thing - they can never ever knock your hustle. I swear to God.
Cool points to anyone who can name the recording artist who spoke these sentiments: "Mommas, don't let your kids watch television, until they know how to read. Or else all they'll know how to do is cut, fight and bleed. No child is bad from the beginning. They only imitate their atmosphere."
Looking forward to the game this weekend against the Saints and the Niners. I will be there sitting amongst Niners fans and daring them to say a word as I cheer my Saint.
Lastly, I appreciate all who frequent Powerful Beyond Measure and offer discussion upon various subjects and views being discussed. I love reading and writing blogs and value the emails that encourage me to keep posting - I will try to keep the blog updated.
I am writing a romantic short story. I'm making sure to edit and re-edit and I refuse to put any disclaimers on it.
Blessings, Nesha
5/24/11
Thinking Out Loud
I met, befriended, dated, became involved, enjoyed and screwed up badly with more than enough men in my lifetime to understand some divine lessons as it arrives at the opposite sex. In fact, I believe it's safe to say that God knew exactly what He was doing when created Adam first.
Lord knows He did.
He knew exactly what he was doing when he put me in a house full of testerone and said "deal with it" too.
During my life here on Earth I have experienced some very powerful emotions - birth of a child, death of a loved one, love, unconditional love, passion and lust, empathy, thrill of victory, agony of defeat, betrayal, forgiveness. And for all of the skipping of heartbeats which each sentiment provoked, there is absolutely none which compared to how a man made me feel.
At times I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed and stir such emotion. And I recall precise moments when the spirit of a men settled perfectly within the chambers of my heart. I remember virtually everything about each men who has touched my heart including the good, the bad, the ugly, my daddy, my uncles and even mny grandfather too. I've taken something from each one in a moment and determined whether they'd be around for the long haul, an aquaintance or if they would left without my help if they were dying on a street corner.
The purest form of woman is a man, if you ask me.
During these thinking moments I have become overwhelmed by immense passion and deep regret, as far as past and sometimes present behavior goes. At the same time, I have matured to the point where I understand that every action or reaction derives from a similar movement. If possible, I would undo all cowardly acts which often damaged the spirit of the opposite sex.
Mines included. Even those that were perhaps influenced by the actions or, should I say, non-actions of the man himself.
In the end, it boils down to the fine line between woman and man allowing one another to dominate, to the point where it resembles oppression. Which, in my opinion, leads to both parties unable to see their true worth. I could be wrong, but just as men respond a certain way towards the transgressions of women ... as women, we are the all too common results of men. (too deep for ya?)
Both good and bad.
So, in essence, it appears that we shoulder a great level of responsibility for one another, regardless of whether we admit, like, accept our position or not.
Again, I've shared words, acted upon those words, became lost in the acts, then turned around and completely took enough men's actions for granted to now suggest the most important lesson - a woman cannot deny any man, as long as she doesn't deny her own worth. I AM Worth it.
Lord knows He did.
He knew exactly what he was doing when he put me in a house full of testerone and said "deal with it" too.
During my life here on Earth I have experienced some very powerful emotions - birth of a child, death of a loved one, love, unconditional love, passion and lust, empathy, thrill of victory, agony of defeat, betrayal, forgiveness. And for all of the skipping of heartbeats which each sentiment provoked, there is absolutely none which compared to how a man made me feel.
At times I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed and stir such emotion. And I recall precise moments when the spirit of a men settled perfectly within the chambers of my heart. I remember virtually everything about each men who has touched my heart including the good, the bad, the ugly, my daddy, my uncles and even mny grandfather too. I've taken something from each one in a moment and determined whether they'd be around for the long haul, an aquaintance or if they would left without my help if they were dying on a street corner.
The purest form of woman is a man, if you ask me.
During these thinking moments I have become overwhelmed by immense passion and deep regret, as far as past and sometimes present behavior goes. At the same time, I have matured to the point where I understand that every action or reaction derives from a similar movement. If possible, I would undo all cowardly acts which often damaged the spirit of the opposite sex.
Mines included. Even those that were perhaps influenced by the actions or, should I say, non-actions of the man himself.
In the end, it boils down to the fine line between woman and man allowing one another to dominate, to the point where it resembles oppression. Which, in my opinion, leads to both parties unable to see their true worth. I could be wrong, but just as men respond a certain way towards the transgressions of women ... as women, we are the all too common results of men. (too deep for ya?)
Both good and bad.
So, in essence, it appears that we shoulder a great level of responsibility for one another, regardless of whether we admit, like, accept our position or not.
Again, I've shared words, acted upon those words, became lost in the acts, then turned around and completely took enough men's actions for granted to now suggest the most important lesson - a woman cannot deny any man, as long as she doesn't deny her own worth. I AM Worth it.
5/4/11
Time Number 2 - Random Stuff
Lately, I find myself listening to one song in particular by one of my favorite male recording artist Lyfe Jennings. The song, Statistics, is of the "if you don't know, now you know" variety which, of course, in my opinion, are the best kinds of songs. As always, Lyfe breaks down the game in a way that it should remain forever broken. In other words, a woman can never say she was blind to the fact.
Sometimes I believe that, as a woman, I have arrived at the point in my life where I no longer look to obtain new relationships, friendships, bonds. Nowadays, I simply look to make good on all the connections that I have built over the years. I realized that much of my blood, sweat and tears have gone in vain. I figure, I put it down, so it's only natural that I pick it up. Feel me.
Teach Me How To Dougie: Michelle Obama has to be the most down to earth First Lady that my eyes have ever witnessed. Check out this video of her dancing with a group of middle school students in Washington, DC. Being a sista born and raised in Chicago, Illinois, one has to figure that Michelle kept her "street dancing" to a minimum for the camera.
Can't keep asking me to speak me about Osama. Matter of fact, I don't want to speak about Osama.
4/26/11
Creator
So I had this conversation, one that is hard for me in which I tell those I love everything that is going on with my life. I don't have many people I can talk to in this way, most get the chalk talk, the top surface..you know...kids, life, how everyone is doing and I say fine because I know you don't REALLY want to know, its just the right thing to say. Every now and then I get to get it ALL out! I'm thankful for those moments. Probably the most fulfilling is knowing that the receiver is completely listening and understanding. I'm grateful.
This is one of the reasons I began to write. Part of the reason that a lot of writers write is to exercise control. Life can be chaotic, but when you put that pen on paper, you are in control of the words. You craft the beginning, middle and end. You become the Supreme Creator and changing destiny is as simple as hitting “delete.”
It’s easy to forget that we have similar control in our real lives. While we can’t always control what happens to us we can always write our own endings. Ultimately, we determine the arc of our lives. And the story can end one of two ways: the main character prevails or the main character fails.
I have no interest in writing a Shakespearean life for myself.
I so often need to be reminded that I am not a victim or prisoner of my circumstances. I get so caught up in the settings sometimes that I overlook the plot. I know how this story ends. The heroine will prevail.
I’m prone to so many artistic stereotypes. I’m moody. Temperamental. Insecure about my process. Sometimes I have to stop in the middle of the script and ask “Who is this woman? What does she want? How will she get it?”
But if I can hold on to that vision of the ending and trust in my creative ability to write the heroine out of whatever murky waters she may find herself in, then the happy ending will remain intact.The characters and the settings may change. But the ending doesn’t have to.
I will not lose.
Period.
This is one of the reasons I began to write. Part of the reason that a lot of writers write is to exercise control. Life can be chaotic, but when you put that pen on paper, you are in control of the words. You craft the beginning, middle and end. You become the Supreme Creator and changing destiny is as simple as hitting “delete.”
It’s easy to forget that we have similar control in our real lives. While we can’t always control what happens to us we can always write our own endings. Ultimately, we determine the arc of our lives. And the story can end one of two ways: the main character prevails or the main character fails.
I have no interest in writing a Shakespearean life for myself.
I so often need to be reminded that I am not a victim or prisoner of my circumstances. I get so caught up in the settings sometimes that I overlook the plot. I know how this story ends. The heroine will prevail.
I’m prone to so many artistic stereotypes. I’m moody. Temperamental. Insecure about my process. Sometimes I have to stop in the middle of the script and ask “Who is this woman? What does she want? How will she get it?”
But if I can hold on to that vision of the ending and trust in my creative ability to write the heroine out of whatever murky waters she may find herself in, then the happy ending will remain intact.The characters and the settings may change. But the ending doesn’t have to.
I will not lose.
Period.
4/3/11
5 words or less in a line
haven't done this in a while but here goes....
a lot going on
i'm sensitive lately
I've had a headache
14 weeks to go
I stay hungry
I haven’t given up
but I’m EXTREMELY nervous
yall pray for me
I love Top Chef
and all food shows
Ive starting just drinking
the egg white instead of
cooking it, Rocky Style
cooking only vegetables requires thought
it also takes planning
and quietly explore
I love some NCAA
Go VCU - underdog cheerleader
almost shorts season
can't wait!
a lot going on
i'm sensitive lately
I've had a headache
14 weeks to go
I stay hungry
I haven’t given up
but I’m EXTREMELY nervous
yall pray for me
I love Top Chef
and all food shows
Ive starting just drinking
the egg white instead of
cooking it, Rocky Style
cooking only vegetables requires thought
it also takes planning
and quietly explore
I love some NCAA
Go VCU - underdog cheerleader
almost shorts season
can't wait!
In Another World
Would you describe yourself as an extrovert or introvert? It's no surprise that I have a hard time identifying with just one or the other. I'm very self-reflective - always preoccupied with my dreams, visions and thoughts. I require some quiet time to myself; otherwise, I start to feel overwhelmed. And yet, I'm very friendly and outgoing. I like to connect with good people. I tend to take a leadership role in small groups. I'm always paying attention to the emotional currents in my environment like - who was just offended by a comment, who feels uncomfortable to speak but wants to be heard, who's being overbearing and needs to be buffered, etc. My conscious naturally seeks to maintain peace and balance wherever I go. Sometimes I'm so busy noticing the energy and the body language around me that I totally tune out of the conversation. As a result, I often feel like I'm in a different world than everyone else. I suppose we all feel that way for one reason or another.
1/30/11
Just a Message
"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect- you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break- her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there. "
--Bob Marley
1/23/11
Are you Pretty or Sexy?
So a facebook status today that said "Ladies, would you rather be pretty or sexy"
A couple ladies answered “pretty.” Some of their reasons being: “sexy” is a compliment with lustful connotations and that sexiness really doesn’t last beyond youth, while a woman can be “pretty” forever.
I was among the group of women who picked “sexy.” “Pretty” really only describes one thing: your face. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly appreciate it when people tell me I’m pretty, but I consider my “prettiness” a nod to my gene pool. It’s like “Aww thank you,” but in my head I’m saying I’ll tell my parents you appreciate their handiwork.
Sexiness, on the other hand, can be determined by a multitude of factors. Confidence can be sexy. Grace can be sexy. Intelligence can be sexy. Style can be sexy. Sexy can also be intangible. We all know people who have that “It” quality, a je nais se quoi that makes them irresistible. Sexy is that thing Maya Angelou waxed poetic about in “Phenomenal Woman” that makes “pretty women wonder where the secret lies.” Pretty may catch an eye, but sexy can command an entire room.
I don’t buy into the notion that sexiness doesn’t last beyond youth. Plenty of women maintain their sexiness well into and even beyond middle age. Diahann Carroll and Lenna Horne gave many young girls a run for their money. How long did the late Earth Kitt keep that slender, Catwoman body intact? Stacey Dash???? Just sick sick sick wit' it. Furthermore, “pretty” can be lost to wrinkles and hard living. As a woman you have way more control over your sexy than your pretty. (Unless you have access to plastic surgeons. But how many of those procedures actually maintain one’s attractiveness? You may retain your youth, but plastic ain’t pretty to me.)
And my final point in the battle of pretty vs. sexy, ask any 40+ woman which compliment she relishes more? Nine out of ten, I bet it ain’t pretty.
So what say you, ladies? If you had to choose would you rather be considered pretty or sexy?
A couple ladies answered “pretty.” Some of their reasons being: “sexy” is a compliment with lustful connotations and that sexiness really doesn’t last beyond youth, while a woman can be “pretty” forever.
I was among the group of women who picked “sexy.” “Pretty” really only describes one thing: your face. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly appreciate it when people tell me I’m pretty, but I consider my “prettiness” a nod to my gene pool. It’s like “Aww thank you,” but in my head I’m saying I’ll tell my parents you appreciate their handiwork.
Sexiness, on the other hand, can be determined by a multitude of factors. Confidence can be sexy. Grace can be sexy. Intelligence can be sexy. Style can be sexy. Sexy can also be intangible. We all know people who have that “It” quality, a je nais se quoi that makes them irresistible. Sexy is that thing Maya Angelou waxed poetic about in “Phenomenal Woman” that makes “pretty women wonder where the secret lies.” Pretty may catch an eye, but sexy can command an entire room.
I don’t buy into the notion that sexiness doesn’t last beyond youth. Plenty of women maintain their sexiness well into and even beyond middle age. Diahann Carroll and Lenna Horne gave many young girls a run for their money. How long did the late Earth Kitt keep that slender, Catwoman body intact? Stacey Dash???? Just sick sick sick wit' it. Furthermore, “pretty” can be lost to wrinkles and hard living. As a woman you have way more control over your sexy than your pretty. (Unless you have access to plastic surgeons. But how many of those procedures actually maintain one’s attractiveness? You may retain your youth, but plastic ain’t pretty to me.)
And my final point in the battle of pretty vs. sexy, ask any 40+ woman which compliment she relishes more? Nine out of ten, I bet it ain’t pretty.
So what say you, ladies? If you had to choose would you rather be considered pretty or sexy?
12/22/10
...Just Friends?
according to Steve Harvey...
"He's your friend only because you have made it absolutely clear that nothing else is happening except this friendship that we have. We remain your friend in hopes that one day there will be a crack in the door. Trust and believe that guy you think is just your buddy will slide right into that crack the moment he gets the opportunity. 99.9% of us think that way."
Here's my perspective: I see where he's coming from but I can't say I agree wholeheartedly. There are a few exceptions...
1. Believe it or not, it's possible for two people of the opposite sex to have a "brother and sister" relationship where there is no physical attraction what so ever- and even if there is, they would rather not risk the awkwardness and regret of taking things where they had no business going.
2. Not all men who see an attractive female want to date or sleep with her. I've noticed that women tend to view other women differently than men. To another woman she may gorgeous, but to a man she looks average which makes it that much easier for him to just be friends with her. Every woman is not every man's "type."
3. There are attractive men who get hit on all the time. Some men are so accustomed to being surrounded by beautiful women that befriending another one won't immediately turn them on.
Do you think Steve has some self control issues and is making a generalized assumption that all men are the same way? Or do you agree that it's impossible for a man to seek nothing more than friendship from a woman
"He's your friend only because you have made it absolutely clear that nothing else is happening except this friendship that we have. We remain your friend in hopes that one day there will be a crack in the door. Trust and believe that guy you think is just your buddy will slide right into that crack the moment he gets the opportunity. 99.9% of us think that way."
Here's my perspective: I see where he's coming from but I can't say I agree wholeheartedly. There are a few exceptions...
1. Believe it or not, it's possible for two people of the opposite sex to have a "brother and sister" relationship where there is no physical attraction what so ever- and even if there is, they would rather not risk the awkwardness and regret of taking things where they had no business going.
2. Not all men who see an attractive female want to date or sleep with her. I've noticed that women tend to view other women differently than men. To another woman she may gorgeous, but to a man she looks average which makes it that much easier for him to just be friends with her. Every woman is not every man's "type."
3. There are attractive men who get hit on all the time. Some men are so accustomed to being surrounded by beautiful women that befriending another one won't immediately turn them on.
Do you think Steve has some self control issues and is making a generalized assumption that all men are the same way? Or do you agree that it's impossible for a man to seek nothing more than friendship from a woman
12/20/10
Gym Etiquette 101
Do you REALLY feel the need to stare in between my legs when I'm doing the hip adductor machine. Me opening and closing my legs is DEFINITELY is not an invite for you to stare and non-verbally admit that you're in dire need of a five finger fix.
Enterning the gym smelling as if you just came from a gym is a big no-no. Just because you're going to sweat, doesn't give you the right to omit washing and caring for your personal hygiene.
When entering the sauna in your speedo while I'm the only other person in the sauna, must you feel the need to sit next to me. I mean, there are 3-4 other benches available and plenty of room for us to spread out.
Just like the club, the gym dress code should be enforced. Coming to work out in blue jeans causes crotch-rot and UGG boots or flip flops is just plain silly. Not to mention you look ridiculous.
Okay, you forgot your towel. I get it, I've done it before and when I do I usually put my track jacket or t-shirt on the bench to catch my sweat. If you forgot it then get the papertowels and santizers provided in all gyms and wipe it down afterwards and when you do this please pick up your papertowels so we don't have to touch your sweaty bacteria.
Are you REALLY, dropping 30 pound dumbbells on the ground after your set? REALLY, that's pretty heavy for a 250 lb guy doing a chest press. Be nice if you didn't scare the beegeezus out of all of us or attempt to break the weights so that we can't use them.
Just because you're at the gym with your four, five, or 12 best buddies, does not give you the right to act like you have no sense. We don't need to know what "broads" you like or why that "dude is doing you wrong.", take it down a notch. Part II - if alone, please don't hold up the machine while you text on it for an hour...I'm waiting.
Finally, and most importantly...okay so you are a muscle head who leg presses 800lbs. Unfortunately, I'm just a mere mortal who only leg presses 360 and even I know enough to know that's too much to leave on. Done with the machine? RACK IT! Nobody wants to take 15 45lb plates off before they can start their reps!
12/19/10
don't be a 'female' in south central while drinking your juice pretending to be a Lady... in the hood.
there are hoes and there are housewives. then there are hoe-ish housewives. but those types usually live on Wisteria Lane, or more recently, in Atlanta(Real Housewives...ha). and wherever the Basketball Wives reside. but i'd be inclined to say that only .12% of them are actually a wife, so nevermind.
anyhoo, aside from those conglomerates of hoe and housewife, the women in the latter category usually will scoff at the mention of their name even in the same sentence as a woman who wears the hoe-tag, consciously or not.
i feel the same about the word "female". ewwww
anyone who talks to me has probably seen me say this before, but i literally cringe deep inside somewhere when i hear or read a man call a woman a 'female'. first, it just seems like a pg substitute for b*tch, and who wants to be called that besides Trina and the woman who thinks black and b*tchy are the same thing?
basically, if you want to be treated like and called (and sometimes labeled) a Lady or Woman, there should be evidence in your daily life and even what you choose to put out on the internet (HEAVY eye to the side to Facebook and 87% of the status updates), that you are indeed one of these.
I'm seriously talking to the 'females' in Ladies' clothing. the ones who claim to demand so much respect and will get all offended if someone calls their spade a spade. that's who i'm talking about. who look to be grown, intelligent women on the surface, but whose actions and words clearly tell otherwise.
don't put your business out on facebook, myspace, twitter people, especially if you're living the trifelife and you're in denial about it. we don't need to hear about your trifling babydaddy and the new b*tch he has, or the random d*ck you got last night, that it's 420, or the dude you dog out and tell to getadamnjob because you don't deal with broke fools, but yet steady lay on your back errynight for him. and if you have a Masters but cannot construct ONE sentence without using every four-letter word that man created...
just stop.
it makes you look bad. and it makes men label you as female. and i know us women all check the 'F' box when filling out personal documents, but that's where our female label should end, in my opinion. at the biological level. plus, who wants to be the pg version of b*tch? jussayin. get it together.
moral of the story: if you talk about it, BE about it. and if you aren't, don't get mad if people call you out about it.
(ps. if you are offended by this post... you're probably one of these 'female' creatures)
anyhoo, aside from those conglomerates of hoe and housewife, the women in the latter category usually will scoff at the mention of their name even in the same sentence as a woman who wears the hoe-tag, consciously or not.
i feel the same about the word "female". ewwww
anyone who talks to me has probably seen me say this before, but i literally cringe deep inside somewhere when i hear or read a man call a woman a 'female'. first, it just seems like a pg substitute for b*tch, and who wants to be called that besides Trina and the woman who thinks black and b*tchy are the same thing?
basically, if you want to be treated like and called (and sometimes labeled) a Lady or Woman, there should be evidence in your daily life and even what you choose to put out on the internet (HEAVY eye to the side to Facebook and 87% of the status updates), that you are indeed one of these.
I'm seriously talking to the 'females' in Ladies' clothing. the ones who claim to demand so much respect and will get all offended if someone calls their spade a spade. that's who i'm talking about. who look to be grown, intelligent women on the surface, but whose actions and words clearly tell otherwise.
don't put your business out on facebook, myspace, twitter people, especially if you're living the trifelife and you're in denial about it. we don't need to hear about your trifling babydaddy and the new b*tch he has, or the random d*ck you got last night, that it's 420, or the dude you dog out and tell to getadamnjob because you don't deal with broke fools, but yet steady lay on your back errynight for him. and if you have a Masters but cannot construct ONE sentence without using every four-letter word that man created...
just stop.
it makes you look bad. and it makes men label you as female. and i know us women all check the 'F' box when filling out personal documents, but that's where our female label should end, in my opinion. at the biological level. plus, who wants to be the pg version of b*tch? jussayin. get it together.
moral of the story: if you talk about it, BE about it. and if you aren't, don't get mad if people call you out about it.
(ps. if you are offended by this post... you're probably one of these 'female' creatures)
12/17/10
Men Sharing...hhmmm
Re-Visiting You Me And She
A few weeks ago I had a discussion with one of my girlfriends about the state of black women and men and relationships and her take was, we need to start mansharing cause there are only a few good ones left and we have to keep them happy. In other words, take what you can get, get what you want, enjoy while you can and most importantly, do not complain.
It took me a moment to realize just how serious she was. I'm working on doing my best to be careful about my words and non-judgmental when evaluating people and their relationship issues. Actually I hate it when people are overly critical of others behavior since they seem to have forgotten that before they were perfect they were a mess. It's so easy to judge when you don't walk in someone else's shoes. Besides one of my favorite scriptures says:
But that isn’t the scripture that caused me to write this post. I naively thought this open discussion of man sharing was new. I mean I knew it happened, but I didn’t think it was such an openly discussed topic. Unfortunately statistics and many people have indicated that the scarcity of free black men that are not interested in other free black men, has left the pickings rather slim for black women, meaning they have to share a man, look in another race, find their own Queen Latifah, or tough it out. I was reading an old book called Isaiah where I found a similar phenomenon of man sharing.
Isaiah 3:25 The men of the city will die in battle. (hmmm, is this speaking of the war we are currently in?)
And as a result:
Isaiah 4:1 That will be the day when seven women will be to one man, saying, "We'll take care of ourselves, get our own food and clothes. Just give us a child. Make us pregnant so we'll have something to live for!" (The Message)
I had seen this scripture before but it rang so loudly after our conversation. That day is not coming, that day is now. Men are being physically killed today, but more so spiritually annihilated by all the evil this society has to offer through drugs, easy sex and all the trappings of greed. Men are able to sit back and be picky saying, she’s too short, she’s too tall, she’s too thin, she’s too light etc when evaluating their choices of good women. Women are saying, he’s too locked up, he’s too gay, he’s too homeless, but, this one here has a job, a car and his own crib. I don’t have his home number, and I’ve yet to go over there, but he visits me twice a week on the regular. Unfortunately women sometimes feel as if their only choice is to settle for less until more comes along, but more never comes from the one they’ve settled for.
Anyway, to help fix this societal imbalance a little, I will continue to raise my sons to be viable and true candidates for a good woman when they are of age.
Son number one is an honor roll student who is easy going, tender, head strong, gives his momma kisses on command, washes the dishes and fries chicken but has found an interest in sports message boards, writing and a couple of girls here and there at his school. He aspires to attend Pepperdine and study Sports Medicine.
Son number two is a gifted athlete, smart, strong and radiates confidence. He is a people person, strives to achieve greatness and every teacher says he is a pleasure. His focus is on Kinesiology at a California UC
Son number three will require a woman who will take a back seat to his mom. He is secure by himself but there are a few in his 2nd grade class that are smitten by his intelligence and like to follow him on the way to the cafeteria. He is a talented artist, Xbox60 specialist, and free throw shooter. He aspires to be in the NBA when he grows up and currently could care less about anything except for his next game and if he got -0 on his spelling test.
Finally, son number four needs eligible females to wait a little longer. He is quite a project but will soon be on the verge of greatness. He vocabulary is exceptional, has the gift of gab and a is a talented scooter rider. He aspires to be a Doctor when he grows up and currently plans on marrying his mom, but don’t worry he’ll grow out of that stage.
Our society and black men in our society have their issues. We all do. Those issues need to be addressed head on, not discussed on C-span, especially if there is no follow-up. So I’m going to try to make things better by training up my children (and any others I encounter) right. I’ll spank them now so the cops won’t have to club them later. I’ll raise them to be men that recognize good women, and are recognizable to them. I’ll raise them to refuse to share and to know that being shared by women means they have a lot in common with public toilets.
A few weeks ago I had a discussion with one of my girlfriends about the state of black women and men and relationships and her take was, we need to start mansharing cause there are only a few good ones left and we have to keep them happy. In other words, take what you can get, get what you want, enjoy while you can and most importantly, do not complain.
It took me a moment to realize just how serious she was. I'm working on doing my best to be careful about my words and non-judgmental when evaluating people and their relationship issues. Actually I hate it when people are overly critical of others behavior since they seem to have forgotten that before they were perfect they were a mess. It's so easy to judge when you don't walk in someone else's shoes. Besides one of my favorite scriptures says:
If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out.
(Galatians 6:1 The Message)
But that isn’t the scripture that caused me to write this post. I naively thought this open discussion of man sharing was new. I mean I knew it happened, but I didn’t think it was such an openly discussed topic. Unfortunately statistics and many people have indicated that the scarcity of free black men that are not interested in other free black men, has left the pickings rather slim for black women, meaning they have to share a man, look in another race, find their own Queen Latifah, or tough it out. I was reading an old book called Isaiah where I found a similar phenomenon of man sharing.
Isaiah 3:25 The men of the city will die in battle. (hmmm, is this speaking of the war we are currently in?)
And as a result:
Isaiah 4:1 That will be the day when seven women will be to one man, saying, "We'll take care of ourselves, get our own food and clothes. Just give us a child. Make us pregnant so we'll have something to live for!" (The Message)
I had seen this scripture before but it rang so loudly after our conversation. That day is not coming, that day is now. Men are being physically killed today, but more so spiritually annihilated by all the evil this society has to offer through drugs, easy sex and all the trappings of greed. Men are able to sit back and be picky saying, she’s too short, she’s too tall, she’s too thin, she’s too light etc when evaluating their choices of good women. Women are saying, he’s too locked up, he’s too gay, he’s too homeless, but, this one here has a job, a car and his own crib. I don’t have his home number, and I’ve yet to go over there, but he visits me twice a week on the regular. Unfortunately women sometimes feel as if their only choice is to settle for less until more comes along, but more never comes from the one they’ve settled for.
Anyway, to help fix this societal imbalance a little, I will continue to raise my sons to be viable and true candidates for a good woman when they are of age.
Son number one is an honor roll student who is easy going, tender, head strong, gives his momma kisses on command, washes the dishes and fries chicken but has found an interest in sports message boards, writing and a couple of girls here and there at his school. He aspires to attend Pepperdine and study Sports Medicine.
Son number two is a gifted athlete, smart, strong and radiates confidence. He is a people person, strives to achieve greatness and every teacher says he is a pleasure. His focus is on Kinesiology at a California UC
Son number three will require a woman who will take a back seat to his mom. He is secure by himself but there are a few in his 2nd grade class that are smitten by his intelligence and like to follow him on the way to the cafeteria. He is a talented artist, Xbox60 specialist, and free throw shooter. He aspires to be in the NBA when he grows up and currently could care less about anything except for his next game and if he got -0 on his spelling test.
Finally, son number four needs eligible females to wait a little longer. He is quite a project but will soon be on the verge of greatness. He vocabulary is exceptional, has the gift of gab and a is a talented scooter rider. He aspires to be a Doctor when he grows up and currently plans on marrying his mom, but don’t worry he’ll grow out of that stage.
Our society and black men in our society have their issues. We all do. Those issues need to be addressed head on, not discussed on C-span, especially if there is no follow-up. So I’m going to try to make things better by training up my children (and any others I encounter) right. I’ll spank them now so the cops won’t have to club them later. I’ll raise them to be men that recognize good women, and are recognizable to them. I’ll raise them to refuse to share and to know that being shared by women means they have a lot in common with public toilets.
11/16/10
Busy Busy Busy
My life is like a steady stream of chaos right now. My plate is full. Pilled to capacity with rich fattening foods, over-salted vegetables, and well marinated meats. Socially, I have a waiting list of people that I need to hang out with. And I'm thinking about all of them in some way or other.
"Nesha! You're ignoring me! We have to catch up!"
"Hey! When are we going to hang out? Let's go have a drink."
"I want to see you! Can we have lunch tomorrow?"
-slopping on mashed potatoes-
I've been in a game of phone tag with a friend for about 2 weeks and I can't seem to have the time to talk to her.
"Stop ignoring my phone calls!" (via text message)
-piling on mustard greens-
I haven't had a good conversation with my mom in a week. I have 3 classes that all have papers/projects due in the next seven days. I've cooked a real meal in my kitchen twice this week. I'm juggling two projects that need way more attention and the laundry is piling up. I'm worried about the amount of money being spent lately of things that are absolute necessities and gosh darnit I'm back to biting my cuticles. Today, its actually theraputic for me to write and also begin making my menu for Thanksgiving. Grrrrrr, homework to do and this day is almost gone.
-adds a slab of chicken-fried steak-
I'd love one quiet day in bed when my thoughts don't say...this HAS to be done today. I want to sleep. I want to bake cookies and watch a great movie. I want to snuggle and not move an inch.
-add some of that good ole sweet potatoe pie -
No matter what I do, or how hard I try, someone goes without something they need from me. I'm worried about flunking an assignment. Or being a bad friend. Or being undependable. Letting down my family. Forgetting something that my husband may need me to do.
God knows I can't do it alone, so I'm trying to trust him. Meanwhile, keep up with the momentum.
I put this in draft mode...released it today after I added that I received a BEAUTIFUL pair of diamond earrings from boo as an appreciation gift. Thank you God for answering my question regarding if anyone was paying attention.
"Nesha! You're ignoring me! We have to catch up!"
"Hey! When are we going to hang out? Let's go have a drink."
"I want to see you! Can we have lunch tomorrow?"
-slopping on mashed potatoes-
I've been in a game of phone tag with a friend for about 2 weeks and I can't seem to have the time to talk to her.
"Stop ignoring my phone calls!" (via text message)
-piling on mustard greens-
I haven't had a good conversation with my mom in a week. I have 3 classes that all have papers/projects due in the next seven days. I've cooked a real meal in my kitchen twice this week. I'm juggling two projects that need way more attention and the laundry is piling up. I'm worried about the amount of money being spent lately of things that are absolute necessities and gosh darnit I'm back to biting my cuticles. Today, its actually theraputic for me to write and also begin making my menu for Thanksgiving. Grrrrrr, homework to do and this day is almost gone.
-adds a slab of chicken-fried steak-
I'd love one quiet day in bed when my thoughts don't say...this HAS to be done today. I want to sleep. I want to bake cookies and watch a great movie. I want to snuggle and not move an inch.
-add some of that good ole sweet potatoe pie -
No matter what I do, or how hard I try, someone goes without something they need from me. I'm worried about flunking an assignment. Or being a bad friend. Or being undependable. Letting down my family. Forgetting something that my husband may need me to do.
God knows I can't do it alone, so I'm trying to trust him. Meanwhile, keep up with the momentum.
I put this in draft mode...released it today after I added that I received a BEAUTIFUL pair of diamond earrings from boo as an appreciation gift. Thank you God for answering my question regarding if anyone was paying attention.
10/25/10
If you are blessed enough
In my life I've had times when I've been unconfident about my body, looks, personality etc., but being told by the man you love that you are beautiful erases all of that.
Problem Is...
My creative juices are on a rampage lately. It's keeping me from being able to truly focus on one thing. By this I mean that my ideas are just on overload. Ward Sports is in full swing and I can't decide which project should come next. There are some ways to monetize my blog that I've been offered and I want to make the right decision. My script writing is bizzonckers right now. I know there are so many rejects but I'm on overdrive with the screenplays and possibilities in my mind. Just listening to people talk sometimes makes me say, "wow, great book idea"..."whoa...great screenplay". I found a screenwriters class but there somethings I have to sometimes do in secret so that my folks don't think I'm crazy...what I mean by this is that there are SO many things I want to accomplish and try in the next few years. Quite simply, my bucket list is GROWING!
Top Six:
Sell a Screenplay
Write a book
Finish my degree
Learn Sign Language
Perfect my spanish
Take top 3 in a physique contest
slightly insane, dedication needed HUGELY for every single one. Not to mention this is only my top 6. In the meantime, the winter league is ramping up and I'm about a 1/3 of the way to the membership I want to have by 12/4. Lots of girls this year. Interesting! I love it.
My two newest clients are two sisters ages 14 and 10 and definetly hard workers. I notice they are much harder to break than the older ladies. They tire me out before I wear them down. I think sometimes I do too much of the workout after doing my own in the morning because I have to rest just as much as they do sometimes, but I'm definetly starting to see some change in their bodies and their strength. I love it.
For now...I push towards this continued to peace that I now have and I'm so happy that joy is abundant.
PS - My daddy has just become the new assistant Pastor of his church in Texas. I'm so happy for him and my mommy. They deserve it all.
All love,
PBM
Top Six:
Sell a Screenplay
Write a book
Finish my degree
Learn Sign Language
Perfect my spanish
Take top 3 in a physique contest
slightly insane, dedication needed HUGELY for every single one. Not to mention this is only my top 6. In the meantime, the winter league is ramping up and I'm about a 1/3 of the way to the membership I want to have by 12/4. Lots of girls this year. Interesting! I love it.
My two newest clients are two sisters ages 14 and 10 and definetly hard workers. I notice they are much harder to break than the older ladies. They tire me out before I wear them down. I think sometimes I do too much of the workout after doing my own in the morning because I have to rest just as much as they do sometimes, but I'm definetly starting to see some change in their bodies and their strength. I love it.
For now...I push towards this continued to peace that I now have and I'm so happy that joy is abundant.
PS - My daddy has just become the new assistant Pastor of his church in Texas. I'm so happy for him and my mommy. They deserve it all.
All love,
PBM
9/27/10
Thoughts
Since January 2009, I have been a freak...no nasty...not sexual freak. I mean just WIERD! Spazzed out, lonely, logging, searching...all the above:
My forms of inspiration were
A - Music
B - Liquor
C - Bubble Bath
mostly all three...I took so many Bubble Baths, with tequilla shots lined up on the tub with my ipod connected to the computer and still no rest...talking to myself out loud like "okay, maybe this, but maybe that, but I think this or that, oh I'm so screwed".
It's funny...been ages since I took a shot to clear my head, needed music to clear my head and its' been ages since there were bubbles in the tub...and still...peace.
My forms of inspiration were
A - Music
B - Liquor
C - Bubble Bath
mostly all three...I took so many Bubble Baths, with tequilla shots lined up on the tub with my ipod connected to the computer and still no rest...talking to myself out loud like "okay, maybe this, but maybe that, but I think this or that, oh I'm so screwed".
It's funny...been ages since I took a shot to clear my head, needed music to clear my head and its' been ages since there were bubbles in the tub...and still...peace.
7/12/10
Self Love?
We live in the age of the Hater, where we place emphasis on having victory over odds and others. From birth, we are taught to pursue what we want in life, and that the most important opinion is our own. I've thought this was the answer for so very long. We are taught that you can only count on yourself. You are all you have. Even religious-minded people hold similar thoughts: "Trust no man, only God." " Only God can judge me." Circumstances, which are meant to chip away the hardness of our hearts, only add to the boulder on our shoulders. It's puzzling to me why we end up choosing to grasp tighter to ourselves, instead of letting go. Is it that we think we'll end up losing ourselves at the end of it all? Yes, I know that is an example of what I have deemed as truth. But that's impossible.
We are who we are.
When God created us, He didn't just mold our outer shells. He also placed an inner nature deep inside. That, which is "in His image". True love is self-sacrificing, but we are taught that love is indicative on how a person makes us feel. We weren't created to deny our feelings, or be led by them. Yet, God knew that a passionate heart, tainted by a sinful nature would equal disaster. Which is why we, as human beings, are in a constant, ever-abounding need of an ego check.
All of us, from me to you, him and her, Shaq and Obama, Hitler and Mother Theresa.
I'm not downplaying hurt, rejection, or any of the other forms of heartache that one can endure in a lifetime. I've had my share. However, we are taught that the remedy is to increase your self-love. That if you'd simply love yourself more, it will help you make sense of all you've been through. But, that is incomplete.
It's amazing the point of reference you have when you take the stance of a servant.
. Thank you Lord for clarity.
We are who we are.
When God created us, He didn't just mold our outer shells. He also placed an inner nature deep inside. That, which is "in His image". True love is self-sacrificing, but we are taught that love is indicative on how a person makes us feel. We weren't created to deny our feelings, or be led by them. Yet, God knew that a passionate heart, tainted by a sinful nature would equal disaster. Which is why we, as human beings, are in a constant, ever-abounding need of an ego check.
All of us, from me to you, him and her, Shaq and Obama, Hitler and Mother Theresa.
I'm not downplaying hurt, rejection, or any of the other forms of heartache that one can endure in a lifetime. I've had my share. However, we are taught that the remedy is to increase your self-love. That if you'd simply love yourself more, it will help you make sense of all you've been through. But, that is incomplete.
It's amazing the point of reference you have when you take the stance of a servant.
. Thank you Lord for clarity.
6/24/10
Random Thoughts
Thinking about my blog today. I've gone at this blog harder and longer than anything I've committed to in a while. I'm proud of myself mainly because I've been able to stick with something consistently. And with all of the changes that have taken place in my life since my first post, I'd say that this is somewhat of an achievement. Or maybe I'm just a know-it-all....either way. I took a break for a minute but I missed it...Not sure if I miss it or the fact that I'm not quite sure if I have readers anymore who care about it and what I write. It feels wierd to want to ask people did you see what I wrote. I don't want to but it's hard to know that I've put myself into something and not know if someone...anyone is reading. It's actually quite lonely sometimes.
Random thoughts:
1. This summer is confirming to me that hell is not an option. It's so hot..even at night.
2. I need more fun in my life; whether I have money at the time or not. I've been on a cleaning fit for about a month to keep my mind busy and it's time to let loose just a little.
3. I hate the feeling of knowing that I am the cause of someone else's hurt or pain. Sometimes it makes me feel like such a bad person.
4. I wish I felt some sort of normal right now. I feel in limbo and its' such a terrible feeling.
5. My newest playlist on my ipod has the best songs. I've fallen in love with it.
6. I'm afraid of some of the things happening in my life and in my mind right now. I don't know how to be "open" without feeling as if it's too much. I could really use a wish right now.
I'm still praying God. Can you show me that your listening? Just a little sign would be really nice right now.
Random thoughts:
1. This summer is confirming to me that hell is not an option. It's so hot..even at night.
2. I need more fun in my life; whether I have money at the time or not. I've been on a cleaning fit for about a month to keep my mind busy and it's time to let loose just a little.
3. I hate the feeling of knowing that I am the cause of someone else's hurt or pain. Sometimes it makes me feel like such a bad person.
4. I wish I felt some sort of normal right now. I feel in limbo and its' such a terrible feeling.
5. My newest playlist on my ipod has the best songs. I've fallen in love with it.
6. I'm afraid of some of the things happening in my life and in my mind right now. I don't know how to be "open" without feeling as if it's too much. I could really use a wish right now.
I'm still praying God. Can you show me that your listening? Just a little sign would be really nice right now.
5/25/10
iWRITE
I am the reason for ALLL of this. Real or Imagined, I've made this bed. I'll have to lay in it now. I've changed lives. Mostly my own with my "poor me" attitude. I can't make it right, I can't only do my best to mend the wreckage. Happiness truly comes from within. It is truly vain to demand of others when we aren't happy with ourselves. Faith always restores Happiness. I have Faith in this process. I'll be away for awhile. I need to mend some things and some people. I can't write at this point in my life. It would be hopeless and continue the train wreck. Fact is, I've already shared too much. I realize this. Last night I shed this miserable carcase of the Old Nesha and today I've started new. I'm doing my best God. Throw me a little rope here. Funny I should say that when the only reason things haven't ended worse than they currently are now is because of God. Last night I listened to Marvin Sapp tell me that "He saw the Best in Me, when everyone else could only see the worst in me". I've listened to it a million times but last night was different. It rings loud and clear. It's always been there. HE has always been there. I just haven't listened, haven't appreciated and been a spoiled bitch. God gave me everything I asked for many years ago down on my knees, pregnant in a dark room alone. When I received it, it came too fast and I had no idea what to do with it. At this point the world doesn't really matter to me. They will think whatever they want. I don't owe anyone anything. I only owe the people that live in this house. To the others that will judge I say, "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones". I need to surround myself with people who will love me when I'm 80, wrinkled and have a walker. Very few people that I feel matter now will be around months from now anyway, so why do we care what they think. It's because we don't want to look stupid, eat our words, look like we aren't in control. (All of that is what I've cared about in the past, I don't now). It will be work, but I know it will be so much freeing to not care what others think or say.
When asked what do I want, I realized I keep giving the same answer "complete happiness". It's standing right in front of me and I've refused to reach my hand out for it even though a million times it's reached it's hand out to me. I've slapped it, spit on it, kicked it to the curb. I've decided to make many changes in order to get there and the first is me. People are in charge of their own happiness as well as their own sadness. I intend on being happy under any and all circumstances. I may be disappointed at times but I know it is within my own power to control how I feel.
Best Wishes to all. I will return soon,
Powerful Beyond Measure
5/8/10
Complicated
I won't pretend that I'm easy to love. In fact I know that I'm quite the opposite. I guess esoteric would be a better word. Ask any man who's ever loved me in my life, especially my husband. I'm complicated, arrogant at times, selfish sometimes and expect that you show me that you love me. I expect ALOT...that doesn't mean material items. It means emotionally. Are you as invested in this as I am? 
I'm a brat. I know this but I won't make excuses for what I expect or what I'm willing to give in return. I'm all in or all out. I'm a capricorn...this means if you aren't all in...quite simply...bounce fool.
Thing is, I'll admit it, I'm in love with love. The feeling of someone loving me and me completely, and even when life settles down I still need that feeling now and then of, "damn I picked her...oops no..she PICKED ME". So, I want the little extra put into it....make me feel like you thought about it, and I promise I'll do the same.
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