I Don't Understand How People

I wrote this a while back, thought I'd share just a little:

I don't understand how people
mistake familiarity for love
I don't understand how people
don't have courage to believe in themselves
I don't understand how people
don't have confidence in themselves
I don't understand how people
hate the feeling of what lonely may feel like
I don't understand how people
don't "Trust the Process"
I Don't Understand How People
Can stay in a relationship and hurt
I don't understand how people
let the past eat away at them
I don't understand why people
won't just get over it already
I don't understand how people
take it so personally
I don't understand how people
put themselves last and others first
I don't understand

**Disclaimer** Funny thing - I get emails and have had discussions regarding my blogs. My posts are not always my daily thoughts. Often times I go back in my journal and post some old things, sometimes it's more recent. Just know that if I discuss my personal life with you, you are priviledge. My inner circle is quite small. That being said, not everything is personal "at the moment". Relax a little folks. I love a good poem. More than that, I love myself, but there are times I don't understand myself. I love "in spite of", not "because of".

Friday Fill - In

And...here we go!

1. I'm determined, I'm optimistic, I well-rested.

2. Why do I have a long back and not a "backbone".

3. How does this phone work, anyway?

4. Every morning, I put butter on my toast.

5. I consider myself lucky because I am loved.

6. One day we’ll see a different me.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a great basketball game, tomorrow my plans include the gym and Sunday, I want to got to Barnes and Noble after service!

to participate in Friday Fill-Ins click here


Too Sad - Chrianna Continues

"She want that lovey dovey (lovey dovey)
Fist fist (FIST FIST)
In my mind, I fantasize ‘bout hittin’ thissssss B”

I've finally decided to post on this after a few weeks have past.

So apparently this dude...my previous little "pedo" crush... Chris Brown lost his natural mind, got out of pocket, and beat the “Disturbia” out of Rhianna.I can’t say I'm surprised by ANYTHING these celebrities do after watching that whole Brittani breakdown drama not to mention 500 cars following Paris Hilton to jail, but I’m on my Joey Lawrence “Whoa!” shit right now.. talk about a PR nightmare, black people ain’t been this pissed since the McRib got discontinued, since the public backlash of Eric Benet passing up on coming home to Halle Berry every night in order to satisfy his insatiable thirst for punanny... Was it worth it? I think not! I actually smirked a little when I heard a C. Brown song on the radio this morning.

Seriously though, it’s never cool to play pastor and lay hands on a woman.. well, unless she loses her natural mind and hits you first.. then you do to things. First -Run, cause if the police get there first, you going to jail even if she hit your first and then Second - return the favor by hiring Sheniqua around the way to "tap that azz" and run.. what she gon’ tell the cops? Okay Okay, I"m being serious. Now you know why I don't let me kids read my blog. On the real, I wish Rhianna the best of luck... For Chris, he's young and has a VERY LONG road of loneliness ahead...ask Kriss Kross, Another Bad Creation and Tevin Campbell and they didn't even hit anybody!


...iWrite...in the beginning

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

Margaret Mitchell

So Thursday night I was asked to truly get REAL with myself. Sometimes during a discussion when you are forced to reveal something you've been trying to keep to yourself you just get tired of fighting. I don't mean in terms of fists, shouting, knock down drag out. I mean in terms of fighting with yourself and to try and live up to something you know is impossible. I say you...meaning me. I'm dealing with it now. I have miles to go before I sleep. It's a day to day thing. To my fellow bloggers...how many blogs to you have in draft mode? Blogs that you know you would never post unless no one TRULY knew who you were? hhhhhmmmm

My mood is optimistic, my story is to be continued...


My Other Man...

The twins and I went to the gym yesterday. They decided to get in a few rounds of basketball while I got my workout on. Now, one twin...That would be Twin B, he'll be a great boyfriend to some little chickenhead one day. He believes that a woman has her own mind. He's too busy worry about the many goals he has to accomplish. I often times have to remind him to "snap out of it" and pay attention to his surroundings. By his surroundings I mean his little brothers, his mother, turning the lights off in the house and not allowing the door to shut on the family coming into the store behind us. He's coming along. I've noticed lately he makes sure all the doors are locked before we leave the house. He gets behind the basket at the grocery store without being asked and he comes to check on me and see if I need anything before he leaves to school on days I don't drive. This is the same twin who cleans the kitchen every night and cooks for the boys when I'm not home. I say he'll be a good boyfriend because all you really have to do is tell him what he needs to fix and he does it. "come on baby, you know you gotta help around here a little more". Twin A on the other hand, he's "My other Man". By my other man I mean, he truly believes that if his father is not around he is in charge of my well being. He has made it his mission since he was very small boy. Before I allowed him to pump gas he would get out of the car and stand guard while I pumped. He scrutinizes my clothing before I leave out of the house (although I ignore him and keep it moving), and he often even holds my hand in the store. Fast forward to today at the gym. The gym I go to EVERYDAY and know most of the faces there. The gym is surrounded by mirrors so as I'm working out I continue to catch little glimpses of him sticking his head out of the basketball court to see if I'm okay. One time he walked all the way over to say "you okay?" following some annoying guy hanging around the machine waiting for me to get done. When I finally disappeared into the sauna, 10 minutes later he was there sticking his head in, "hey mom, you ready to go?".

It's not to an extreme at all the way I've seen some sons' become their mother's man and feel the need to take on every battle as if they were the MAN of the house. He is simply checking on his mother making sure that she is okay. I love that! When it gets to much I'll "check" him for sure.


Sportsmanship Amongst Grief

I found a great story today on my sports forum. It's playoff season and everyone is waiting for the brackets to come out but in Illinois some character has risen amongst competition. A Delkalb Ill. basketball had traveled over two hours to make it to their basketball game only to arrive and still have to wait an hour to play. Most of the opposing team where at the hospital with their teammate.

During his college ACT exam Johntel Franklin's mother had taken a turn for the worst at the hospital. She was hemmorraging as a result of her 5 year fight with cervical cancer. This time she lost. Her son and several of his teammates were at the hospital late that afternoon when the decision was made to turn off the life-support system. Carlitha Franklin was just 39. He was very distraught and it happened so suddenly he didn't have time to grieve.

His coach was going to cancel the game, but Franklin told him he wanted the team to play. And play they did, even though the game started late and Milwaukee Madison dressed only eight players. During the second quarter Johntel Franklin arrived at the game. He came there directly from the hospital to root his teammates on.
The Knights had possession, so his coach called a time out. His players went over and hugged their grieving teammate. Fans came out of the stands to do the same. He told his coach that he wanted to play.

There was just one problem. Since Franklin wasn't on the pre-game roster, putting him in meant drawing a technical foul that would give DeKalb two free throws.

Though it was a tight game, and the coach was willing to give up the two points. It was more important to help his senior guard and co-captain deal with his grief by playing.

Over on the other bench, though, the team wasn't so willing to take them. The opposing coach told the referees to forget the technical and just let Franklin play. The refs told them, "no, that's the rule. You have to take them."

That's when Rohlman asked for volunteers, and McNeal's hand went up.

He went alone to the free throw line, dribbled the ball a couple of times, and looked at the rim.

His first attempt went about two feet, bouncing a couple of times as it rolled toward the end line. The second barely left his hand.

It didn't take long for the Milwaukee players to figure out what was going on.

They stood and turned toward the DeKalb bench and started applauding the gesture of sportsmanship. Soon, so did everybody in the stands.

"I did it for the guy who lost his mom," McNeal told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. "It was the right thing to do."

Franklin would go on to score 10 points, and Milwaukee Madison broke open the game in the second half to win 62-47. Afterward, the teams went out for pizza, two players from each team sharing each pie. Carlitha Franklin's funeral was last Friday, and the school turned out for her and her son. Cheerleaders came in uniform, and everyone from the principal and teachers to Johntel's classmates were there.

"We have a losing record but there's life lessons going on, good ones."

None so good, though, as the moment a team and a player decided there were more important things than winning and having good stats.

Yes, DeKalb would go home with a loss. But it was a trip they'll never forget.

"This is something our kids will hold for a lifetime," Rohlman said. "They may not remember our record 20 years from now, but they'll remember what happened in that gym that night."


So Thursday night I was asked to truly get REAL with myself. Sometimes during a discussion when you are forced to reveal something you've been trying to keep to yourself you just get tired of fighting. I don't mean in terms of fists, shouting, knock down drag out. I mean in terms of fighting with yourself and to try and live up to something you know is impossible. I say you...meaning me. I'm dealing with it now. I have miles to go before I sleep. It's a day to day thing. To my fellow bloggers...how many blogs to you have in draft mode? Blogs that you know you would never post unless no one TRULY knew who you were? hhhhhmmmm

My mood is optimistic, my story is to be continued...

Thanks Sam_I_AM

While reading Sam's blog I found a great new site called Mama's Losing It. She provides weekly writing assignments. I love this!!!

Each week she provides a writing assignment prompt. I love it because it definetly gets my brain going when I'm having one of those "farts". This week's prompt:

The Prompts:

1.) If you were starring on American Idol TONIGHT and HAD to sing, what song would you choose and why.

I am not an American Idol fan. I watched it the first season and was so upset when Tamyra Gray was kicked off (she was truly the best) that I just haven't been interested since. I've peeked at it now and then from time to time when Ruben, Kelly, Fantasia and Jennifer were in the top but never on a constant basis. If I was forced to sing a song I think I would sing "Mary had a little lamb"...Hope this tells you how good I can sing. I would absolutely have a heart attack if I had to sing anything in a public forum. This includes Happy Birthday and the Star Spangled Banner. I always mouth the words.

2.) Take a picture of yourself right this minute without primping and explain to us why it is you have not washed your hair today.

I'm passin on this pic for now. I actually did just wash my hair this morning so nothing to see here folks. Keep it moving.

3.) What do you think about the NBA All Star game
I haven't made it to an NBA Allstar game yet although it is one thing I would absolutely love to do before I get to up in age and can't be cute sitting in the stands, especially if Kobe and Ray are still playing. I attended some events when it was in Oakland and was just in the atmosphere but nothing compares to actually being there live in color.

4.) What's your number one pet peeve? Develop a punishment for anyone caught in the act.

My number one pet peeve is people who don't use their blinkers. I can't stand it. Why do you feel you are so important that you can just hop over when ever that hell you feel like it? oooohhhh, you didn't see me behind you? Whateva! I'd love to have a probe come out of my tire wheel that popped the tire of anyone who cut me off. Is that mean? No, I don't think so.

5.) Write about something mean you did to a sibling growing up.
I was a VERY mean older sister. Still am when I need to put the smack down. I'm not sure what is the meanest. I've looked them in closets, poured fish tank water down ears while they were sleeping, I even hit one sister in the back with the phone receiver when she tried to run from me. Putting on scarey masks and robes and chasing them through the house. Sneaking out the house to go knock on their window at bedtime. Probably the worst is one I'm only willing to admit now and that is giving my sister ex-lax chocolate. Hopefully she won't read today.


Treats for Me?

Often times as mothers we tend to forgot to give treats to one of the people that matter the most in our lifes. Ourselves. Tonight I looked at my Sweet Honey Dip Chocolate Sugar scrub that arrived today and thought to myself that it was the first little "gift" I'd treated myself to in a while. Is it still a treat if I won it. This weekend after one of my favorite gifts was destroyed I had a mini-breakdown. I'm of course pmsing just a little I can tell because I cried this after doing the laundry and realizing that one of my sons' had left a pin in his pocket. Being the sickling I've been for the last week, I didn't catch it. In the washing machine was my VERY FAVORITE sweatsuit. It's one of those fitted velour sweatsuits that you can throw on day or night and look like you've got it all together. Ponytail or Flat Iron, pumas or pumps, you are dressed up or down in it. I've loved it from the day I got it. So now you understand why I broke down when I pulled it out of the washer and saw my beautiful sky blue Jo-Lo tracksuit with huge blue pin stains all over it. I'm sad just typing about it. I thought about going out and buying another one if I could possibly find it 2 years later but then I thought about the many things that are needed by the boys in the next few weeks. So many things from next year's registration fees, next month's tuition to next quarter's books. Their shoes they received for Christmas are just beginning to look a little worn. Summer is approaching and it will be time for shorts soon, birthdays are approaching and basketball just ended and I'm already receiving emails about banquet costs that include gifts for coaches. Funny how there is ALWAYS something. Treats...for me??? I think not. Mothers seem to enjoy the oddest things though don't we? A spa pedicure for $35 sounds heavenly. If you are anything like me you start thinking ..."$35 dollars? that's a pair of Vans" In the next few weeks my treat is coming though. Its a rather large one and I plan to purchase it next week in the form of a ticket to visit my family in Texas. That is more than enough for me. I think it will last me all year long. If I know my mommy she is already planning our week of events. I giggle to myself each time I think about it so I know it's the only thing I need right now. Well that and the occasional hot bubble bath. I'm counting down the days.


5 Of My Greats

(pic - Nesha age 21 / Twin A and B 18 months)

As 2009 begins and I'm now beginning to hit my mid-30's in stride,I've had some bumps in the road along with many successes and I believe that I'm a pretty well rounded person. I began to think this evening about the many people who have had a great influence in my life the past years. I've been many places and met a lot of people. I've picked up something from most everyone be it good or bad. My family above all has shaped who I am but there have been some others people who have taught me invaluable lessons that I will take with me forever. In no particular order I give you my 5 most influential non-family members:

1. S. Diane Adamz-Bogus (aka Dr. Bogus) - Dr. Bogus was my English Professor at De Anza College. I've always loved English. It wasn't hard to enjoy this class but she took it to another level. She taught English while also teaching her class about the 7 major Chakras. Although my father, the pastor would be quite dismayed at my being in touch with the new age, I was at peace through the use of chakras while my life was in chaos. I was a new, 20 year old unmarried mother of twins trying to attend school with no money, a car that picked the days it wanted to run and everything in my life falling apart. In Dr. Bogus's class none of that mattered. She was able to teach English in a whole new way and look at you as if she truly knew you. She was able to walk by and touch your shoulder before class started and say "let that go, breath deep, center yourself and let's get to work" I earned at A that year and hated to give up her class.

2. Maya Carter - My own personal little savior in the 9th grade. I was a military brat who had just changed schools for the 3-4 time and appeared at a new school Hawaii in the middle of the year. I had no friends most of the year but a few acquaintances here and there. Just as I felt I'd never have another friend my entire high school career in popped Maya. A military transfer who had attended school in Hawaii in elementary school. Her mom had been transferred back east but then was moved back to Hawaii during Maya's 9th grade year and guess what? Maya knew EVERYONE! Of all the friends she knew she decided to extend a hand to a new friend and she and I were joined at the hip until my father's retirement during my senior year of high school (that's a whole other story). No matter what Maya has remained a true and lifelong bud and shown true friendship in every way.she's been honest whether I liked it or not and has continued to remain true blue.

3. Alicia Due - Another long life friend who has taught me so very much. Through her I have learned what it means to be a good wife, mother, christian and friend. Alicia is one of those people who walks into a room and there is a little glow behind her that could possibly be her little halo and wings. I love the fact that no matter how long it takes me to get back to her church they always welcome me with open arms. She always seems to call me just in time to give me the very best advice and a word of wisdom. The thing is I have very few friends who have known me since childhood and know how TRULY far I've come. "Cousin" Alicia is one of the friends that I wanted to emulate in every way. I couldn't wait to have her be my Maid of Honor at my wedding or the godmother to my children. She is the little angel that sits on my shoulder and I continue to try and make her proud.

4. Leonard Dodd -like Dr. Bogus this is someone who'll never realize that a gesture "mattered". Mr. Dodd is the father of my high school sweetheart and upon my first time meeting him he was very cordial but later in the evening following dinner he pulled me aside to sit me down and tell me that although he thought I was a nice person, I would stay in his good graces by always making sure to treat his son well. He said that his son was very important to him and under no circumstances was he to be hurt. I guess a little earlier into my immature teen years I may have taken this wrong but for some reason the stern voice didn't rattle me at all. Instead it let me know that he loved his son and wanted the best for him. I took it as a challenge after that to be his sons' best girlfriend ever, and I was too, until he eventually moved. Somehow those words from Leonard Dodd have remained with me throughout the years. I think ALL parents should have this same talk with anyone their child, boy or girl take seriously. If people know that you love your child and think they are special they will too and may think differently before treating them badly. I can't wait to have the first little chickenhead walk through the door so I can sit her down (smile)

5. Pastors Willie and Roxanne Harper - Funny how people can effect you in such a way and never even know it because it's just "what they do". This couple has the ability to make you feel as if everytime they see you, they haven't seen you in years. Not only are they always feeled with beautiful spirits of love but they also seem to have that little glow that follows behind their heads as well. As a little girl I watched Sister Harper during church with her long hair flowing all the way down her back and her perfect clothes and when she opened her mouth it was always to offer a kind word of praise. Pastor Harper seemed to always deliver a message that was exactly what I needed at that moment. As a young woman Sister Harper shared some things with me that made me rethink some of the choices I was making in life and how important the next few years would be to myself as well as my children. Now as an adult my children attend school with their youngest son and as I see them in passing at games and sometimes sit with them, they have not changed. They still light up a room as they entire and have that same twinkle in their eyes. I can only hope to touch lives here and there as I grow older and wiser.

I have many more important friends, family members and acquaintances along the way. These are only a few who have shaped a small portion of who Nesha has been, is and is becoming. Please don't be offended if you didn't make this "list". I take something from everyone I come in contact with throughout life. I am blessed to know many and can only hope that one day I'll be in someone else's top 5. Blessing...Nesha

Post of the Day

As an constant reader of the Nubian Epistle I was quite surprised to see him deter from his daily posts of historical and present day african american updates and take the time to post on his views on Valentine's Day. I enjoyed and decided to give him the Post of the Day award! He has a great blog with lots of other positive highlights. Stop by some time. Kiss Kiss to My Daddy!



Sometimes I just want to be
Left alone
No crying
It's quiet
Just me alone with
My thoughts
My faults
The ones I wish to erase
Stay on my case
Day after day
Sound after sound
On my busiest day
They still linger around
As my temperature rose
And my pressure increased
On my days off
All I need is some

I Love...

I found this post over at Kala Pohl Studio's. She asks three questions regarding love.

I hope my answers are short and simple and to the point:

How many times have you fallen in love? Perhaps three maybe 4
times and each time hard then the last.

If you could only pick one - do you marry someone you love madly or someone who loves you madly? I pick the one who I love madly. You can never know what is in someone's else's heart, you can only follow your own.

If you truly love someone, do you think it should be unconditional? When I'm in it, I give it my all. It's so hard for me because I give all or nothing at all. When I'm done. I'm done. Love is so beautiful in all of its forms, but when it causes pain, I feel it to the core. Do I walk the talk? Not always, but I try. I've never known a love that didn't hurt. I've never had a love that I regretted. I've never had a love that was conditional, although, I have had a relationship that was. I embrace it as it comes. Sorry if I'm a little cloudy but the unconditional/conditional leaves so many what if's.

You see my answers, now let me see yours.


Who said that?

So, it feels like Sunday evening to me and not a day I would normally blog. I don't really have much going on that I'm quite willing to express to the world right now so I thought I would post some of my favorite quotes. Some are by famous people, some are unknown and some are just everyday people. Enjoy!

"We all think there is a formula, (but) as long as we love our children, that's really the only solid thing I know that works across the board”
-Jada Pinkett Smith

"What I'm doing right now, I'm chasing perfection."
-Kobe Bryant

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future."
-John F. Kennedy

"It always seems impossible until its done."
-Nelson Mandela

"It's not that I dislike many people. It's just that I don't like many people."
-Bryant Gumbel

"I don't think a man in this world ever loved a woman as much as I love you"
-Unathorized usage

"Most of us have trouble juggling. The woman who says she doesn't is someone whom I admire but have never met."
-Barbara Walters

"The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart."
- Helen Keller

"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I am invisible understand, simply because others chose not to see me"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.”
-Author Unknown

"Damn you, vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your wretched womb"
-Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)

Okay, I was also going to post some of my other favorites but I was a bit bored with this topic and decided I'll wake up with a better topic tomorrow. Maybe "Why I secretly watch The Boondocks after my kids go to sleep", "How come I know every Soldier Boy Song" or even "Am I just a little to obsessed with Chris and Rihanna right now". Anyway, post your favorite quote folks.


Mountain Dew Mountain

So most of my buddies know I have a few daily routines I can't help but do each morning. My newspapers, CNN.com, my forums and GOOD MORNING AMERICA! While watching GMA this morning I saw that they will be doing a special on "The Hidden America - Children of the Mountains". In the hills of central Appalachia where children and families are facing unthinkable conditions in which most Americans take for granted. Appalachia have three times the national poverty rate, an epidemic of prescription drug abuse, the shortest life spans in the nation, toothlessness, cancer and chronic depression. What I find quite amazing is that more than half of these people's dental issues come from an addiction to MOUNTAIN DEW! Yes, Mountain Dew folks. It has an extremly high rate of caffeine, sugar and acid. There is a 6% increased rate of tooth enamel and is said to be addictive. There were several children as well as adults on the program who stated they were addicted to Mtn. Dew and had been drinking it since they were children. Most of these people's teeth were rotten, broken, missing and just plain awful. When GMA asked Pepsi/Mountain Dew for a response the general statement was that this was "irresponsible reporting and that people should floss after drinking sweets, soda and sex and they needed a more personal hygiene". Well I've shortened the state but that was the jist. This area has the biggest epidemic of toothlessness in the nation with 1 out of 10 adults missing teeth. The area is so poor that milk, fruits and veggies are often unaffordable. Mountain Dew is often put in baby bottles. It is not uncommon to see several cavities in 2 year old baby teeth. Diane Sawyer reports on this and more tonight on 20/20. If you have time at 10pm please try to catch this special.

I've been known to give my little ones soda now and then, but it's a rare treat. I'm tempted to cut it out completely now.


8 Things About Me

I was tagged by Lovely Lizzette

8 Things About Me

1) Post rules on your blog
2) Answer the 5 categories
3) Tag others

8 Favorite T.V. Shows
1. Nip Tuck
2. Manhunters
3. The First 48
4. Wife Swap
5. Iron Chef
6. Good Morning America
7. Real Housewives (orange county/atlanta)
8. Top Chef

8 Things I did yesterday
1. Went to the bank
2. Went to the doctor
3. Went to the gym
4. Drop kids off
5. Picked kids up
6. Grocery Store
7. Laundry
8. Helped with homework
Are you jealous of my life yet? lol

8 Things I look forward to
1. Texas...I can't wait!
2. Summer
3. High school basketball season being over (2 games left)
4. The future
5. Football season
6. Life upcoming surprises as long as they are good (smile)
7. Economic Upturn baby!
8. All the success that life holds for those beautiful boys!

8 Favorite Restaurants
1. Crustians (My Favorite seafood restaurant)
2. Musashis (close second) Japanese
3. Saigon (Indian)Thai
4. The Plantation (Soul Food)
5. L&L (Hawaiian BBQ)
6. Outback Steakhouse (Don't hate on my Queensland Chicken)
7. Roscos Chicken and Waffles (best late night food ever)
8. I have 8 more restaurants....I love food!!!

8 Things on My Wish-list
1. Perfect Credit
2. Peace of Mind
3. a finished degree
4. An Ambien at 8:30pm
5. Ipod Touch
6. My own personal laptop (maybe next year)
7. Great Abs without the hard work (lol...yeah right)
8. courtside tix for Kobe vs. Ray (awwwwwww) did you see Sportcenter last night? Kobe is gonna be MVP again this year baby!!!


Can I Get Some Teeth?

Have kids under 15? Well enjoy their beautiful smiles now because once they become teenagers...especially if they play ANY type of sport, it's like pulling teeth to get them to smile.

I ran to the store about 4:30pm just as they were coming in from school. I told them to watch their brothers while I ran to get a few things for dinner. When I came back I realized I had no key and no garage door opener. I called the house phone, no answer, I called their cell phones, no answer. I'm sitting in my car blowing the horn cause it was cold outside and I didn't want to get out and knock on the door but instead wanted to just drive into the garage and run in the house (You'd think I lived in Georgia or something instead of California). Finally after blowing the horn a few times I got out and banged on the door like the police and bolted back to the car. A couple seconds later the garage began to go up.

I walked in the door prepared to get my curse on about being locked outside and these little...these lil'....TEENAGERS!!! They were CLEANING THE KITCHEN and living room (something I didn't get a chance to do following breakfast this morning because of an incredibly busy day). I couldn't even yell at them about "locking" me out with the smell of Pinesol in the air and the vaccuum going! Score one for the the twins!

On another more depressing note I clicked on Yahoo today to find this article about my poor little pathetic city. Evidently we are ranked second behind Detroit as one of the most miserable cities in America. I could have told you that though. My home is now worth a pathetic price of way less than half of what it was two years ago. I have no neighbors on the right, left or in back of me. The city just laid off 29 police officers, unemployment is at 10% and my wonderful governor "The Terminator", just sent me an IOU for my state tax refund.

For some reason I'm not unhappy though. My kids are good, there is food in the refrigerator, the lights are on and everyone is healthy. I'll take that until it picks up.

Until later,


I'm checking the mail daily

So I'm one of those moms who adores small "me" treats but rarely buys them for myself. One of the kids always needs or wants this or that. Eventually, unless you splurge, treats are few and far between. One of the treats for NESHA that I adore are Carol's Daughter products. They smell so delicious. I can't pick just one thing I like. I would love to try EVERYTHING! I bought a body butter (Mango) a few years ago and I used it EVERYDAY! Before I knew it, it was gone. I've gone to the site here and there over the years but never gotten back around to actually buy anything...until TONIGHT. Remember last week when I won the contest over at the Bitchin' Wives Club? Well tonight I bought my gift. I can't wait for it to get here. I'm so excited, I'll be checking the mail daily until it gets here. I can't wait to smell like Sweet Honey Dip Chocolate Sugah! It's a body scrub and it's simply marvelous!!! It's expensive though and I've left it in my online shopping cart at least 10 times but now....it's ALL MINE! YESSSSSSS! No licking me though (smile). Thank you Amy

I AM Marilyn

I love a good quiz! This one was short too! I prefer myself to be a more of a Dorothy Dandridge type...but I'll take Marilyn!

I've highlighted some things I believe that TRULY relate to me.

You are a Marilyn -- "I am affectionate and skeptical."

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative

How to Get Along with Me
* Be direct and clear
* Listen to me carefully
* Don't judge me for my anxiety
* Work things through with me
* Reassure me that everything is OK between us
* Laugh and make jokes with me
* Gently push me toward new experiences
* Try not to overreact to my overreacting (lol)

What I Like About Being a Marilyn
* being committed and faithful to family and friends
* being responsible and hardworking
* being compassionate toward others
* having intellect and wit
* being a nonconformist
* confronting danger bravely
* being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Marilyn
* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Marilyns as Parents
* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
* worry more than most that their children will get hurt
* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

I couldn't have highlighted almost everything but I chose not to!


11 Things About Me

25 Things (about me)

1. I have no tattoos, and only 1 piercing in each ear piercings. I once had a tongue ring but the horrible experience let me know why I never pierced anything before this (it bled for 5 days and only stopped once I took it out).

2. I've never broken a bone in my entire body.

3. I've lived in Japan, Hawaii and all over Cali but my real roots are down south in good old Ruston, Louisiana.

4. I didn't realize until 8th grade that there was actually a thing called french kissing. When I watched kissing on tv I truly thought the characters simply had closed lips and were moving their heads back and forth.

5. I remember almost every song lyric by lyric from my childhood including Kumbaya and The Girl Scout Song.

6. I have misplaced every single award or certificate I have ever won. Lost, thrown away, or simply forgotten. I have no trophies.

7. I often bite my cuticles when I'm nervous. It's a tick I've done since childhood and I often don't realize I'm doing it until my cuticles are bleeding.

8. When I was born my mother almost named me Nicole but here "friend" had her daughter first and stole the name.

9. I'm near-sighted, but rarely ever wear my contacts/glasses. I'm the queen of squinting, looking past people I know and asking those around me for the game score, if that is "such and such" over there, and massive headaches.

10. I've never been attracted to any other race accept my own. As fine as Brad Pitt is he still couldn't get the cookie (not even if he wanted it).

11. I've fallen asleep in almost every movie I've ever been in. It's something about the dark, the loud noise and a belly full of buttery popcorn that puts me right out.


If you look in my life you'll see what I see

Life is changing.

"just a peek"

Another day, another day passes and I'm rolling down this freeway looking at my rearview, see I drive in the rearview looking for the speeders, the police, the texter who is not paying attention or maybe just the little one sucking his thumb falling asleep to the beat that is hittin in the trunk and in my ears, damn I love this song 'I PUT ONNNNN' cause Kanye's bars hit sooo damn hard.

I stare at my own eyes in the rearview, and I think, I could drive all day and be cool with my thoughts that play in my head as long as John Lengend keeps singing "so high". I smile at myself and think, if they only knew, but I can never get far away enough from those thoughts that play in my head. I came to a crossroads and stood dead center in the road. Did I pick the right road? Or did I choose the easy road. Am I finding out now that I'm really just a lyric in an E40 song...cause I hated that song...I don't need to be saved and I damn sure ain't no hoe.

I travel further down the freeway and I almost feel like Larry Fishburne in that straight to video movie, Biker Boyz. I'm just flying down a tunnel and it's moving so fast, I'm focused on the end and there is something there I just can't quite see what it is. I'm pushing everyday to get to it but it seems to move further away as flashbacks of my life are on the sides of my head moving at the speed of light. I seem to make little pit spots along the way just to touch this one and that...and they give me just enough confidence to continue on with my journey.

I see that a crossroads is approaching again and I don't want to get to this one because I know this time I'll be forced to chose the second part of my life and I can't afford to pick the wrong road for my own selfish reasons but if I don't I may truly just die of my own sadness.

Seemed so much easier when life was school, waterbeds, mixtapes, and proms. It's funny cause I don't believe in that palm reader garbage but when I allowed her to touch my hand and read the lines she said my smile was not real and sadness filled my heart and I needed to please myself instead of everyone else and I damn near cried cause that was the same thing that God's been telling me in my prayers to him.

to be continued


Book Brain

I haven't done this in a while so I decided to post some of my recent favorite finds. Thanks to Sarah over at Sam_I_Am for your feedback on "The Coldest Winter Ever". With that said...here we go!

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

I only started reading this yesterday. I love it and I think most readers will too. Want to get into a man's head? This is it. The first chapter alone had me hooked. Basically men are simple for them it's Who they Are/What they Do/How Much they Make. Want to know more? I man who truly LOVES YOU does 3 things Profess, Provide, Protect. Still want to know more and get a laugh at the same time. This book has it all. I'm beginning chapter 3 now. Men's 3 needs (Support, Loyalty & The Cookie) You know what the cookie is girls. Get the book!

Catch up time!

So I decided to do a catch up day full of all of my recent going ons! I've been doing the sports, political and news blogs lately so I guess I should get back to what the blog is actually about...ME!

Recently each time I've surfed the web I've come across something here and there on the Chinese New Year. Mine year has come around once again. The OX is in full effect ya'll. I've read the information on the Ox about 20 times and I've decided that someone has been watching me my entire life and decided to write and article on me and name it "The Year of the Ox". Funny how it's so dead on at times. Strange as it seems with my own blog I cannot share with you the part that fits me the most. It's almost too much information. (told you I'm still quite private about some things)

Upon reading about my astrological sign the Capricorn, I actually found myself laughing outloud today.

Your sense of humour is generally impeccable, although you fail to see the point of personal jokes at your expense. You hold grudges and will take revenge for perceived slights.

You have to truly know me to know how true this is. If the joke is EVER about me, it's so not funny!

Lean Capricorn develops good eating habits early, which stand you in good stead as an adult. An innate spirit of competition makes you keen on sports, although you can be so aggressively determined to win, you can be less than gracious when you lose. Jogging, running and body-building are favorite activities. You seem to defy the aging process, and retain a remarkably youthful appearance from your middle years well into old age.

You suffer from insecurity and anxiety in your youth, but blossom in your later years.

At least I know I'm not crazy! Do we really try to make ourselves fit the astrology or does something out there put us into these categories and give us our wierd quirks.

I'm starting to get so excited about making the trip to Texas in May to see my family that I can barely sleep at night. I don't know if my excitement about the trip or just life in general is keeping me up at night. I've already been making plans for what I'm going to do with my family. It will be nice to just clear my head for a few days.

My big boys are getting back on track with school in full swing. I always get nervous checking their grades on powerschool as the quarter begins to get closer. Twin A is really struggling right now with Math and Science. Poor thing has lost his phone, his myspace, his weekend passes. I see him working on it but it's not quite were I want it at just yet. I actually watched him pacing the floor this weekend when his brother and a friend left to go to the movies. Twin B suddenly changed his mind and decided to come home and when he came through the door Twin A damn near knocked him down welcoming him home. TWINS!

Cayden may need another cast soon. The little guy is driving me BANANAS! As I type he is behind me with his pumpkin Halloween bucket knocking on all the doors in the house saying "Happy Halloween". Wonder if he realizes no one is home except he and I. He has managed to knock out both of his two front teeth by sucking his thumb. He's 3 people! I take this to mean that he probably will not have front teeth until he is about 5 or 6. He's back to running, leaping, jumping, skipping and wrestling. Last week when he couldn't have ice cream because he didn't eat his dinner he said he was running away. I told him to go ahead. He got out the door and immediately started banging on it when I ran over and locked him out. Serves him right.

I guess I should be grateful after hearing a story last week about my friend who's two boys decided to pack a suitcase and run away after they got in trouble. They managed to get to the next neighborhood before a good samaritan picked them up and delivered them safely back to their parents. It was a good chuckle to hear the story, although I'm sure it was far from funny at the time. I think I'd still be taking heart medicine after that one.

As for CJ. We've slowly begun weaning him from the Xbox 360. Intially he could play Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Now he can play on Fridays for a few hours and Saturday for 2 hours. Poor kid had his life revolving around the video game. All he wanted for Christmas was Crash Bandikut. When I told him he couldn't play Halo 3 you would have thought the world ended. He actually tried to have a tantrum. When I told him he couldn't play for a month he straightened his face up and said "What, I'm not crying, I was just pretending".

I'm enjoying so much watching them grow up and become men and find their way. I only wish that some of the lessons they have already learned I would have learned earlier in life. For now, my struggle continues on my quest to find a balance between motherhood and what Nesha is truly about. I'm getting close. Closer than I've ever imagined (smile) and everyday I get stronger. Peace Ya'll


Kobe vs. Lebron

Okay, so most of my folks know I'm the Kobe Bryant junkie. It's my little secret fetish. I love Kobe in a different way than Ray Allen. Kobe is the best player ever (yes, i said it Michael Jordan fans...come fo' me). Ray is my husband in the 3rd life...lol

Anyway, let's get down to business. I had a discussion with a friend who said that Lebron was better than Kobe. I differ in opinion of course. This is part of an ongoing discussion that there really is no answer too as of yet. The best you can do is compare Kobe’s first 4 seasons with Lebron’s first 4 seasons. This little post will attempt to compare the two with numbers and facts that I compiled from ESPN and NBA.com.

Season 1 -
Kobe Bryant appeared in a total of 71 games and scored 7.6 points/game. This number is a bit misleading because he averaged only 15 minutes a game. Lebron James played in 79 games and averaged 20.9 points/game and 39 minutes per game. Kobe appeared in 9 playoff games while Lebron did not make the playoffs. Kobe averaged 8.2 points/game during those playoffs. Kobe’s team went 56-26 during the regular season and made it to the conference semi-finals. Lebron’s team went 35-47.

Season 2-
Kobe Bryant appeared in 79 games and scored 15.4 points and played 26 minutes/game. Lebron James appeared in 80 games scoring 27.2 points and playing 42 minutes/game. Kobe appeared in 11 playoff games while Lebron did not make the playoffs. Kobe averaged 8.7 points/game during the playoff run. Kobe’s team went 61-21 and made it to the western conference finals. Lebron’s team went 42-40.

Season 3-
Kobe Bryant appeared in only 50 games because of the strike. He averaged 19.9 points and 37 minutes/game. Lebron James played in 79 games and scored 31 points and played 42 minutes/game. They both appeared in the playoffs during this time. Kobe in 8 games and Lebron in 13. Kobe averaged 19.8 points/game and Lebron 30.8 points/game during the playoffs. Kobe’s team went 31-19 and made it to the conference semi-finals. Lebron’s team went 50-32 and made it to the conference semi-finals.

Season 4-
Kobe Bryant played 66 games and averaged 22.5 points and 38 minutes/game. Lebron James played 78 games and averaged 27.3 points and 41 minutes/game. Kobe played 22 playoff games averaging 21.1 points/game and won his first championship. Lebron played 20 playoff games averaging 25.1 points/game and got swept in the NBA Finals against the Spurs. Kobe’s team went 67-15 overall during the regular season and Lebron’s team went 50-32.

Extra Facts
Lebron James numbers are also higher in assists and rebounds for all 4 seasons. Lebron James was the only superstar on his team for these 4 seasons. Kobe’s first 4 seasons were played with Shaquille O’Neal who was the first scoring and rebounding option on the team.

Conclusion -

These numbers conclude that Lebron James was the better Athlete (minutes played), Scorer (points/game) and passer (assists/game). While Kobe was the better Winner (team record, playoff appearances), defender (steals, all defensive team), and shooter (free throw percentage).

Winning is the best statistic of all. It trumps all other numbers. By this time in Lebron’s career Kobe had already one championship under his belt and was about to get his second. While Lebron made it to the NBA Finals last season when they were embarrassed by the Spurs, it appears that the Cavs will not be winning an NBA Title anytime soon. As you can see Kobe’s winning percentage far outweighs Lebron’s.

Who’s Better?
Kobe Bryant is! We cannot forget that Lebron still has time on his side. But not as much as you think. Kobe has 4 NBA finals appearances with 3 championship rings and he’s still playing for more. Lebron still has to win a championship first. Which may not be possible if he stays in Cleveland. And it does not help Lebron James' case when Kobe Bryant continues to do amazing things. Like 61 points in one game (I hope you watched Sportscenter last night). And four straight games with 60 or more points. Lebron has a chance. But he has a long way to go. Alot longer of a road then many people assume. So as it stands, Kobe Bryant is the best player on the planet until someone can dethrone him!

Don't challenge me! Especially on a sports forum cause I will check my facts and bust your ass fellas! God Bless and Good Night


Tidbit Tomboy

The thing about me is that I am TRULY a sports junkie. I love basketball, football, track and boxing. Occasionally I try to stay up to date on some ultimate fighting as well. My morning routine begins with me reading the local paper as well as CNN and USA. I can't really function well in the world until I do so. I follow that with a brief look at the local and national forums to check out the high school forums regarding football and basketball. I think my family is still quite tickled that they can be in the middle of a conversation with a group of men and lean over and say, "what is that player of at such and such high who averages 28 points a games" and I answer. It's not really a hobby but more of a need to know for me. I love to be in the know about sports. It makes watching the sport more exciting. I smiled to myself when a friend mentioned Georgia Tech's number one basketball recruit Derrick Favors and I was able to easily engage in conversation about him.
When you've read up on a player, their story, where they come from etc. It makes watching them so much more enjoyable. Sportcenter is so much more enjoyable when you can actually identify who is who and what events are coming up. You should try it ladies. The Allstar NBA game is quickly approaching. Do you know who are on the 2009 rosters? Do you care? I realize I'm loosing major points with my Jack and Jill Club and the other girls who are busy discussing this week's dinner recipes but the forums truly call my name. Now I'll reveal my best secret. The guys on the forum have no idea I'm just a girl! I don't think they would give me the time of day if they knew. Instead they actually ask my opinion about football and basketball in my area. That cracks me up!!! I've had a long night at the Superbowl Party. I'll be honest though...I was stuck in the kitchen with the ladies discussing kids, clothes, food and life and all the while I kept looking over their shoulders at the game the guys were watching in the living room.

I'm a force to be reckoned with!!!!

CONGRATS TO ME!!! I received a reward from the TOPS! The Bitchin Wives Club I'm so excited!!!! This is the first reward I've received. I was so honored to have so many stop by to say congrats. Love and hugs to all! I absolutely ADORE Sephora. It's one of those treats you don't get to "treat" yourself to very often! I can't wait to spend it and show off my good!