Just a Message

I loved this...had to share. A man after my own heart.

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect- you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break- her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there. "
--Bob Marley


On Lock Down - Music

Laying quiet a few days and decided to remake the play list, deleted a few but added some new stuff to my repertoire.  Digging some of my new artists, wanted to share.

Artist Alert - Nitty Scott (She's a bad chick)

Who is Nitty Scott M.C.? One of the hottest up and coming female rappers out right now. Don't let the pretty face fool you- this chick is something serious on the mic. No silly gimmicks required.

Dee-1 is one of the most underrated rappers out right now. The difference between his music and the majority of what's being played on the radio is that there's always a message in his lyrics. In "Jay, 50 and Weezy" the message is that there are emcees who have the money, the power, and the voice to use for a greater purpose yet for some reason choose not to. And he approaches this topic with the utmost respect for each artist. Listen to Dee-1′s debut album David & Goliath, you'll have no choice but to rethink your views on New Orleans hip-hop. The usual money, cars, hoes, club anthems and dope slangin' themes are replaced with catchy thought provoking lyrics that glorify his city, his parents, his family and his come up.


All Me, All the Time

More ramblings of things I am figuring out about myself.

2011 is going to be a doozy, I can already tell....

1. My heart beats for quality time. Unfortunately, I have very little time to give or receive. Double unfortunate is that I'm spoiled, if you don't like to invest your time in me, it is the equivalent of a slap in the face.

2. I get annoyed really, really easy. And even though I am working on not showing it outwardly, I will always have an inner reaction. Kind of like rolling my eyes at you in my head.

3. I'm still waiting on my BIG MOMENT. Not sure what that means yet. I really feel there is something significant that I haven't done yet. But I know its coming.

4. I enjoy being hospitable. Like, really enjoy it. It's important to me for people to enjoy being around me and my family; comfortable, well-fed, and entertained.  I'm often scared I'm not that interesting yet, though.

5. My need to place in this upcoming contest is beginning to consume my life.  I look in the mirror daily for changes. I hope on and off the scale. I keep waiting for the cut. The diet itself is killing me alone but I'll do it.

6. I have quite an ear for music. I appreciate actual instruments and harmony in a song...which is why I'm so picky of what I listen to...

7. I'm tapping into my "go with the flow" mode. I'm planning on taking a lot of chances this year, and bounce back 100% times faster if they don't work out.

8. Three  things give me a headache without fail: My Health, Stress and the security of my family. Can I make it

9. I don't want anymore close friends right now. I need to cultivate the relationships I have.

10. Last year, I struggled with really wanting to get be happy.  I realize now that it all starts with self.

11. Three things I am emersed right now: Books, Welch's Concord Grape Juice, My Nook

12. Above all things, God has been my counselor. I've often create a  pretty lonely road, so I'm glad I had/have him to release my pain to so that I can enjoy my loved ones.

Musical Notes

Music does something incredible for me. Do you know that feeling?

You hear a song for the first time, probably one you’re driven to listen to because it’s by your favorite artist/band. The song is amazing. It’s a great marriage of harmonious melodies, beats, and personally meaningful lyrics. For approximately 2 to 3 minutes, you’re one piece of a musical bond. You wade through the song’s second verse, bridge, and hook; automatically preparing yourself for the ending of the song. You’ve already made up your mind that you’re going to put the song on repeat to enjoy it again. And then it happens…

The singer’s/band’s vocals drop out.

The volume doesn’t fade, but steadies at its current pace.

The instruments spread their wings and soar across your heart, leaving an incredibly warm, resounding feeling behind. It’s as if they were using the song as a mere warm up.

And it’s beautiful.

And surprising.

And nourishing.

Even after the fiftieth time you’ve taken this journey.

It’s like the artist has given you a gift. As if he/she trusts the song’s melody enough to turn away the steady, watchful eye of their voice and allow it to roam and reverberate. The listener undergoes a tiny bit of sadness when approaching the end of a song.

But here, the melody is like a lingering kiss before the goodbye.

I love that feeling. It’s one of the things that I live for in music: when the beat goes on.

Here is a list of my favorite songs that do just that…

1. Do I Do – Stevie Wonder

2. Zoom – Commodores
3. Made to be Together– Trey Songz

4. Got to Give It Up – Marvin Gaye

5. When Everything Is New – Little Brother

6. My Apology– Donnel Jones

11. Butterflies – Michael Jackson

12. Moment In Life – Musiq Soulchild

13. Love Stoned/I Think That She Knows – Justin Timberlake

14. I Keep/Still Here – Jill Scott

15. Umi Says -- Mos Def


Are you Pretty or Sexy?

So a facebook status today that said "Ladies, would you rather be pretty or sexy"

A couple ladies answered “pretty.” Some of their reasons being: “sexy” is a compliment with lustful connotations and that sexiness really doesn’t last beyond youth, while a woman can be “pretty” forever.

I was among the group of women who picked “sexy.” “Pretty” really only describes one thing: your face. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly appreciate it when people tell me I’m pretty, but I consider my “prettiness” a nod to my gene pool. It’s like “Aww thank you,” but in my head I’m saying I’ll tell my parents you appreciate their handiwork.

Sexiness, on the other hand, can be determined by a multitude of factors. Confidence can be sexy. Grace can be sexy. Intelligence can be sexy. Style can be sexy. Sexy can also be intangible. We all know people who have that “It” quality, a je nais se quoi that makes them irresistible. Sexy is that thing Maya Angelou waxed poetic about in “Phenomenal Woman” that makes “pretty women wonder where the secret lies.” Pretty may catch an eye, but sexy can command an entire room.

I don’t buy into the notion that sexiness doesn’t last beyond youth. Plenty of women maintain their sexiness well into and even beyond middle age. Diahann Carroll and Lenna Horne gave many young girls a run for their money. How long did the late Earth Kitt keep that slender, Catwoman body intact? Stacey Dash???? Just sick sick sick wit' it.  Furthermore, “pretty” can be lost to wrinkles and hard living. As a woman you have way more control over your sexy than your pretty. (Unless you have access to plastic surgeons. But how many of those procedures actually maintain one’s attractiveness? You may retain your youth, but plastic ain’t pretty to me.)

And my final point in the battle of pretty vs. sexy, ask any 40+ woman which compliment she relishes more? Nine out of ten, I bet it ain’t pretty.

So what say you, ladies? If you had to choose would you rather be considered pretty or sexy?

More Lists - Just some stuff

1.Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to - My little sister, Jessica

2. A deceased person you wish you could talk to - My paternal grandma

3. Someone you wish you could meet - Too many to name (Jesus (one day), Oprah, Russel Simmons, Reggie Miller), Barack Obama

4. Someone you admire but never want to meet - Ray Allen (have a feeling his not that nice), Donald Trump, Tyler Perry

5. Favorite Internet Person - HHHmmmmm, still all my amazing mommies

6. What do you dream about?  - Good things when eat before 8pm, all bad if I eat after 9pm

7. Something you want to say to your sibling? - I've made all the mistakes in the world. Please learn from them.

8. Your secret crush - Coke in the bottle, I lust after it and just cannot have it but when I do, about once a year, it is SO INCREDIBLY GOOD!

9. Note to your best friend? - I may be distant but I'm close at heart and remember that just because we don't talk every day doesn't mean that I don't care.

10. 4 word sentence to the world - I made a difference.


More...... Things (About Men)

In my first installment of 10 things for black women, I wrote from the version of me, if I was a black man. These are things I would want my woman to know. I got lots of feedback, most people agreed upon, and some felt I forgot. Even though time changes, many things stay the same such as masculine and feminie nature.   The constant struggle to achieve balance and mastering communication. What’s funny about it is, both men and women feel that harmoniousness is far from difficult if you follow a few simple guidelines set by each gender and all will be well, right? Not so much. If only it were that easy! There are so many shades of gray when it comes to the never ending saga of men and women. But let fellas tell it! They say that if women would just do x, y, z they could vastly improve the operational system of coupledom. But let’s define x, y and z shall we? So to please everyone (sometimes you can, sometimes you just can't), here goes...5 more things, EVERY black man NEEDS you to know:

 1. I can’t read your mind. We often get attitudes assuming they know why we mad! It starts with a look then an eye roll and then we are mad! The silent treatment. Then when we get to the root of the issue it could be something as simple as we were supposed to go to dinner and a movie that night but he forgot. Okay. Say something! Problem solved. If you don’t tell him what the problem is, how can he fix it?

2. They really do need space sometimes. Just as women do. Just because you like to have your space at the nail shop and trip the mall and he likes to go catch a basketball game with his friends or have drinks after work with his buddies doesn't mean he is "acting like a bachelor".  Women need to understand that men need time to process and they do it completely different than a woman would … without the emotion. Women often mistake men needing space as a personal jab and it’s normally the farthest thing from that. If you don't know he's not out banging other women just because he's not around or in a zone for a couple days then you have bigger issues! Just back off sometimes and leave him alone for a little while. Let them miss you even if it's only emotionally.

3. Women need to hush sometimes. Shut your mouth from time to time. Our time together doesn’t have to be filled with verbiage. Silence is okay. If he doesn’t have a whole lot to say some days it doesn't mean it's "over". It’s nothing you did. And yes, I do want to hear about your day but keep it light! Sometimes they  don’t need to hear every single detail about who said what to who and what you said back. Wrap it up and put it in a nutshell. Like I said, It’s not that they don’t want to listen but their attention span is limited and if you keep it short you’ll get a better response.

4. Be a freak in the sheets sometimes! Freaky stuff is all good. If a man is horny the only thing that matters is the end result: the bust. They just want that wet wet. They don’t care that you make ugly faces or that you got a little stubble on your legs or on your area! None of that matters. You don’t have to get caught up in the look of things, it’s all beautiful to them and the best part is … it feels good! As long as your clean and smelling good, he's clean and smelling good, get to it? It’s a win, win situation. Your best compliment is ..."girl you make me wanna tell somebody", believe me he won't, but his smile will.

5. Look at yourself in the mirror.  If you look at the way the media portrays us, it seems like the obvious question is “what’s wrong with the Black men and why aren’t they available for Black women?” but we can’t entirely blame Black men and we shouldn’t let Black women off the hook either.  It's our EXTERIOR that gets a man’s attention (smile, look, personality, confidence and overall attractiveness) and our INTERIOR (our love for God, family, friends, values, support, emotional stability) that keeps a man coming back for more.



Happy Birthday Dr. King

June 23, 1963
"If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."


A Science Experiement

(disclaimer) For my secret readers that send me anoymous posts sometimes about how racist I appear to seem, I apologize, but sometimes you just have to state facts so issues may be exposed to those walking around in blindness.  I present to you my science experiment: (presented to my son's psychology course and given to his mommy who he knew would savor it)

There is a current "Scientific Theory" that because an average white scores 15 points higher than blacks on IQ tests, they are inherently, genetically smarter than blacks.  Let's test that theory.

1. Here is the experiment: Kidnap a bunch of white american and send them over to african on a slave ship.
2. Force them and their descendants into slave labor for about 100 years.  Make sure to break up families and don't forget to disallow education.
3. Then set them free, but subject them to horrific discrimination and oppression for another century or so.
4. Then give them I.Q. tests designed by priviledged black africans.
5. If they still score 15 points higher than blacks, you've proven your hypothesis.

Have fun kids! and remember to get your parents permission before doing the experiment.

Song in My Head - Wande Coal

This is an amazing song...if you can't feel it, dig deeper


10 Things

Throughout life, I've had many male friends. They always seemed to be more genuine, honest and generally just deeper than my girlfriends who'd rather hear how wonderful they are than the honest truth.  I've been that girl in the past. Now, I hold the truthtellers just a tad higher so they will enable me to be better.  Ive listened lately to alot of talk about how "we" believe that black men don't appreciate "us". So untrue. I believe more than anything else, they simply don't KNOW us, or rather we don't allow them to know us. So in honor of that, I've put this list together, 10 things I'd love to say to a black woman.

10. You often have the most beautiful voice in the room, no need to scream, no need to curse, no need for the bitterness, disrespect or to call attention to you. When you speak, people listen. Remaining calm and cool is so completely sexy. Ask any man, the way to a black man's heart is not always through his stomache, often it's through the heaven in your "hello".

9. Your smile is incredible, whether it be a smile or a smirk. Your mean eyebrows...not cute.  A black woman's smile, genuine smile, can seal the deal.
8. Who else can make kings out of "bastards". We have the power to grow a boy into a man. To make a small amount of groceries smell like Jesus is coming.  To dry tears of pain with our kisses, hug you until it feels better and make massages that put him to sleep. Your nurturing power cannot be replaced.

7. Those potions, lotions, creams and gels all work. Your skin is more beautiful than anything I've ever known. Ever watched your man when you are fresh out of a tub and go through your lotion ritual. You crawl in bed in your underwear and t-shirt and he leans over to touch your thigh? That small moan he makes should tell you.  Enjoy it, take care of it, appreciate that it's true "black don't crack".

6. You are a queen, beatiful in all of your splendor. Men only insult you because they are confused. They are trained to destroy or conquer everything they see.  They can't figure us out.

5.  If you ever see Don Imus in public pay him no mind and know that for every 50 great black men there is a bigot who doesn't understand or appreciate the beauty of your beautiful skin, gorgeous body and the power that you hold.

4. You are like a sunrise in a nation at war. You remind people that there is always something worth waking up to.

3. A man that loves you, truly loves you will love an appreciate everything about you. If you are married he will also help to cook and clean in order to show you that traditional gender roles have no place in a happy marriage. Equality is alive. A happy home consists of two people both working together for the good of all those who they raise and take care of each day.

2. Never ever stop putting your children first, they are our future and if we can't do it for them, then for who?

1. Never stop pushing. This world needs you now more than ever.

Song in My Head



off top - 25 things that simple cannot be replaced.

God's perfect love

the tv remote

the birth experience of a child

peanut butter cups




defying the odds

having your own mind

a peace of mind

being wanted

the sun

insight; seeing from behind


the ability to forgive

believing in something

standing for those beliefs

saving something for later

a "never give up" attitude

being about it

a man who cooks

good music

unconditional love


the feelings received when goals are met and dreams come true

Roll With the Punches...(or balls)

So I started a new category in my blog called "Life's greatest lessons". What I want my boys to realize is that in life there will be things they can prevent and simply somethings they can do nothing about.  They are learning that this year through adversity. 

I've witnessed one of the most hateful dreamkillers take person satisfaction in trying to break my son's spirit this year but I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to teach my children from it.  I asked him how he felt about the the circumstances of the past weeks events and he said, it's teaching me what I will witness in life, who I aspire to me and who I will be nothing like. It's unfortunate that adults...often teachers, coaches, role models, mentors don't realize the power they posses and the influence they have in childrens' lives. It's up to us as parents to remind them that this is life and sometimes it knocks you down.  Everyone isn't happy for you, everyone doesn't want to see you success and there is nothing that you can do about it sometimes.

If I have learned anything in all my years I have learned that, in life, one has to simply roll with the punches. Punches will certainly be thrown in life. Life offers a variety - jabs, quick jabs, right and left hooks, uppercuts. Combinations. Sucker punches. Often times, we are able to see them coming and quickly avoid or move completely out of harm's way. There are other moments where we are unable to see an oncoming blow, and it lands at its hardest. As if it were thrown with an evil intention. In some instances, our knees buckle and we end up being knocked completely off our feet.

10, 9, 8
Down for the count.

If you have ever experienced one of life's most crushing punches, causing you to become laid out, then you know exactly what I am speaking of. This is the point where it's no longer about life. It's all about you now. Your trial by fire. Your will and determination. What you are made of, in the face of adversity.

 7,6, 5

Get up? Or play dead. I say, play, due to the fact that you are still breathing.

Dazed and confused, concerning what did just happen, you take a moment to gather your thoughts. Then come to your senses and become even more stunned once reality hits; you are being counted out in life. In the midst, the voices of your supporters are heard. They inspire.

"You can do it. Get up!" they scream, almost beg. A look of concluded satisfaction is noticed within the eyes of those who eagerly listen, awaiting the full count of ten. The ones who had always questioned your heart.

Doubt sneaks in. Your psyche is bruised. You wonder if you put the punch behind you and stand up, if it will only lead to your being knocked down, again. Instinctively you rise to your knees and elbows, still feeling the aftermath. You look around and see all that awaits you in life.

Same goals, same obstacles, same challenges as before.

Listen, do not give up!

As long as you have breath in your lungs, do not ever allow yourself to be counted out in life.

Stand up, and continue to fight.



Tie up loose ends, be selfish for once,  pay more bills, learn to say no, make new friends, finish what I start, purge those contacts that are unimportant to me, find ways to make me no question myself and my prescence in this world, leanrn spanish, get published, place in 1-3 in my competition, ,continue to make sure my boys have a fulfilling childhood, love, love and love, not worry about things I have no control of, fully give my heart, have continued peace.

One Word

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

For me the word for 2010 was Adaptable.

Adaptability means being open to ANY new challenge or changing situation, regardless of your background and skills, and refusing to place preconceived judgments on the challenge or presume it’s something you can’t handle, or won’t like. Unfortunately most people have a problem with that; they get comfortable in a certain role, whether that’s career or social interactions. If things are too comfortable for you all the time, ask yourself if you’re avoiding challenges that may make life more interesting and rewarding? Life is all about change, and if you don’t keep pace with that change you will be left behind.Would you want to see a doctor who finished medical school 20 years ago and hadn’t bothered to keep up with all the new findings in the last 20 years?

For me the word for 2011 is Reinvent.

This word might change in the future, but it's the first word that came to mind when I thought of this blog entry. What I've tried so far here in my life continues to make me want to keep pushing for more. That's it.

What I Did This Year 2010

My, oh my. What a year it has been for me. List is in no particular order...
Traveled more than I ever have
Ate more fast food than I ever have at all new places
Ate a White Castle burger in Ohio.
 Read an original Poem in front of my class
 Received all A's in all my classes
Buried my mother in law
 Buried my father in law
Finally admitted my twins are finally growing up and sometimes doing grown man things when I'm not around
Did away with all my past hurt
Nearly ruined my marriage
 Completely repaired my marriage
 Exercised more forgiveness than I thought was possible
 Dealt with jealousy, fear, and self-preservation
 Witnessed the death of My Selfishness
  Learned that everyone is not happy for me
 Learned what true and unconditional love is (I know)
  Had the best birthday and New Year's gift ever...stay tuned
  Attended 6 funerals.
 Had my first Five Guys burger.
Got therapy; professionally and semi-professionally
Learned what 30+ means.
 Put counseling techniques into practice and actually helped someone in the process.
Went more places by myself than I ever have and didn't necessarily enjoy it.
 Almost got published.
Committed myself to my health and fitness.
Met many new family members and loved ones
Swore of hatred, vindicativness, pettiness
 Dedicated myself to being completely selfless
Erased all the foul and raunchy music from my ipod


Hmmm - The Birds

Strange Question?

On New Year’s Eve, an estimated 4,000 to 5,000 red-winged blackbirds fell from the sky in Beebe, Arkansas. One day before, 80,000 to 100,000 fished washed up dead on the banks of the Arkansas River. Then, hundreds of blackbirds fall from sky over Louisiana, days after similar phenomenon in neighbouring Arkansas.

What's going on?
Not sure...just want to know if you got your house in order?