If you look in my life you'll see what I see

Life is changing.

"just a peek"

Another day, another day passes and I'm rolling down this freeway looking at my rearview, see I drive in the rearview looking for the speeders, the police, the texter who is not paying attention or maybe just the little one sucking his thumb falling asleep to the beat that is hittin in the trunk and in my ears, damn I love this song 'I PUT ONNNNN' cause Kanye's bars hit sooo damn hard.

I stare at my own eyes in the rearview, and I think, I could drive all day and be cool with my thoughts that play in my head as long as John Lengend keeps singing "so high". I smile at myself and think, if they only knew, but I can never get far away enough from those thoughts that play in my head. I came to a crossroads and stood dead center in the road. Did I pick the right road? Or did I choose the easy road. Am I finding out now that I'm really just a lyric in an E40 song...cause I hated that song...I don't need to be saved and I damn sure ain't no hoe.

I travel further down the freeway and I almost feel like Larry Fishburne in that straight to video movie, Biker Boyz. I'm just flying down a tunnel and it's moving so fast, I'm focused on the end and there is something there I just can't quite see what it is. I'm pushing everyday to get to it but it seems to move further away as flashbacks of my life are on the sides of my head moving at the speed of light. I seem to make little pit spots along the way just to touch this one and that...and they give me just enough confidence to continue on with my journey.

I see that a crossroads is approaching again and I don't want to get to this one because I know this time I'll be forced to chose the second part of my life and I can't afford to pick the wrong road for my own selfish reasons but if I don't I may truly just die of my own sadness.

Seemed so much easier when life was school, waterbeds, mixtapes, and proms. It's funny cause I don't believe in that palm reader garbage but when I allowed her to touch my hand and read the lines she said my smile was not real and sadness filled my heart and I needed to please myself instead of everyone else and I damn near cried cause that was the same thing that God's been telling me in my prayers to him.

to be continued

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