(originally posted on March 26th - but lost in the shuffle)
I woke up this morning to hear "hopped up out of bed...turned my swag" by soldja boy. Why did I know all the lyrics to this song..."took a look in tha mirror said wassup yeeeaaa I'm getting money". this was so funny to me. I thought it was so cute that I knew it but also that it made me feel good.
In a short period of time I'm learning that I've given for a long time. Somewhere along the way, I stopped giving to Nesha. While I've been away resting my head I realize that Nesha has somehow gotten lost in the shuffle. I heard someone say "I got to see Nesha today"...how funny. I didn't realize it until somethings were pointed out to me. So often as women everything is pushed "up" except us. Yes, I occasionally get a pedicure, buy an outfit or get to get away for a few hours. Funny thing is, each time I do this I feel as if I should be somewhere else. Someone should be getting picked up, I should have started dinner, someone must be looking for me. There can't be extra time for this stuff so I must have forgotten something.
You'll have to pardon me while I ramble on here for a bit. Some days I just have to "get it out".
I know that I'm not the Superhero I once wanted to portray myself to be but I'm far from Ms. Wimpy either. I believe in someways I've been playing the latter. All women wear many hats and I have closet full. Problem is that over the years I've not spoken up when I should have. It's still a process. I'm learning.
What do you think of this quote that I found? "The one who loves least controls the relationship". hhhhmmmmm. It made me stop and think. Do you think this is true?
I understand what the quote is saying because the 'one who loves least' commits less to the relationship while the one 'who loves most' would probably give too much of themselves, perhaps even sacrificially and sometimes with that sort of love comes a loss of control. In a way when you love so completely you can lose yourself in the relationship, and your ability to steer the relationship in a healthy manner gets skewed.
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