Eternal Struggle

The internal stuggle continues today. Sleep has brought me no answers. I am saddened and confused by the thoughts running through my head. I have given everything I can but is it enough. I have echoing fears that maybe I am not enough. I hate doubting myself. Doubting who I am. It goes against my nature. I never needed outside validation before. Why do I seem to need it now? Is it normal to go through these changes or is this sign? Maybe you and I would be healthier, happier apart. I feel like I am bringing you down sometimes. Like maybe I am holding you back. Maybe I am holding myself back too. I hate these thoughts. They come with thoughts of feeling more complete when I am with you. More in the moment and happier when we are together. I know that this is going to sound silly and overdramatic but I never really believed in love. Believed in the permenance of relationships until you. I believed that people cared about one another and mistook other feelings for that of what real love is. I don't know if I want nor need to be married ever again. I do want to be needed. I feel it is wrong for me to want that, but there it is...I do.

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