So as I continue to struggle for a positive outlook on life, I realize what I want, I simply don't know how to get there. It's as if I refuse to "Trust the Process". I realize that in order for me to find happiness and self-fulfillment "loved ones" may get hurt but I hate to see anyone I love hurt. I know that this stage in my life has to be about me, otherwise the years to come are going to suck! I have to be a better person for Nesha to feel as if I too am getting something out of this life.
I NEED to learn to be comfortable in my skin. I realize that in order for me to put on my face I have to feel pretty but it really doesn't mattr how you look. I need to be able to get out of bed in the morning, put my feet on the floor, breath easy and know that it's going to be OK...no matter what. That...to me is Peace of Mind. I want that, because it is that thing that helps me to sleep at night.
I HAVE to get honest with MYSELF about what works for me and what DOES NOT work for me. I'm trying to surround myself with people that truly love me, support me, care for me and inspire me to be a better person and get through this process. Even if that means only myself sometimes. I read somewhere that many people that come into your life are simply spectators. That is so true. They don't contribute anything.
Not that they necessarily want to see you fail, but they are content to not see you do ANYTHING at all.
In 2009 I need to learn the importance of being FEARLESS! I talk about being fearless but I am afraid of many things. I want to be fearless. Know that no matter what, it WILL be okay. Being fearless is being faithful.
Until next time!
That is such a beautiful picture of you. At work, I teach self-esteem classes, which is so funny, since my faulters a lot. In those classes, we talk about how even the people who love us the most will let us down at times. They may not mean to do it, but it happens. So, we have to be strong and have faith in ourselves, because we don't have to let ourselves down. :-)
ReplyDeleteFor me, when I'm happy everything else falls right into place. But it all starts with me. So let it all start with you. You are on the right track just keep it going.
ReplyDeletelove the photo! We will always be learning and growing as long as we are alive! We will always be a work in progress. Letting go of fear is scary. Fear of no more fear?!?! You think we'd be happy to let it go, all it does is cripple us. We have to realize that while our roles as mother, wife, daughter, etc. are important, we have a relationship with ourself that we often neglect. Making time to JUST BE is important! Wish I could take my own advice!
ReplyDeleteu write well sister rawdawgbuffalo
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