A few weeks ago I had a discussion with one of my girlfriends about the state of black women and men and relationships and her take was, we need to start mansharing cause there are only a few good ones left and we have to keep them happy. In other words, take what you can get, get what you want, enjoy while you can and most importantly, do not complain.
It took me a moment to realize just how serious she was. I'm working on doing my best to be careful about my words and non-judgmental when evaluating people and their relationship issues. Actually I hate it when people are overly critical of others behavior since they seem to have forgotten that before they were perfect they were a mess. It's so easy to judge when you don't walk in someone else's shoes. Besides one of my favorite scriptures says:
If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out.
(Galatians 6:1 The Message)
But that isn’t the scripture that caused me to write this post. I naively thought this open discussion of man sharing was new. I mean I knew it happened, but I didn’t think it was such an openly discussed topic. Unfortunately statistics and many people have indicated that the scarcity of free black men that are not interested in other free black men, has left the pickings rather slim for black women, meaning they have to share a man, look in another race, find their own Queen Latifah, or tough it out. I was reading an old book called Isaiah where I found a similar phenomenon of man sharing.
Isaiah 3:25 The men of the city will die in battle. (hmmm, is this speaking of the war we are currently in?)
And as a result:
Isaiah 4:1 That will be the day when seven women will be to one man, saying, "We'll take care of ourselves, get our own food and clothes. Just give us a child. Make us pregnant so we'll have something to live for!" (The Message)
I had seen this scripture before but it rang so loudly after our conversation. That day is not coming, that day is now. Men are being physically killed today, but more so spiritually annihilated by all the evil this society has to offer through drugs, easy sex and all the trappings of greed. Men are able to sit back and be picky saying, she’s too short, she’s too tall, she’s too thin, she’s too light etc when evaluating their choices of good women. Women are saying, he’s too locked up, he’s too gay, he’s too homeless, but, this one here has a job, a car and his own crib. I don’t have his home number, and I’ve yet to go over there, but he visits me twice a week on the regular. Unfortunately women sometimes feel as if their only choice is to settle for less until more comes along, but more never comes from the one they’ve settled for.
Anyway, to help fix this societal imbalance a little, I will continue to raise my sons to be viable and true candidates for a good woman when they are of age.
Son number one is an honor roll student who is easy going, tender, head strong, gives his momma kisses on command, washes the dishes and fries chicken but has found an interest in sports message boards, writing and a couple of girls here and there at his school. He aspires to attend Pepperdine and study Sports Medicine.
Son number two is a gifted athlete, smart, strong and radiates confidence. He is a people person, strives to achieve greatness and every teacher says he is a pleasure. His focus is on Kinesiology at a California UC
Son number three will require a woman who will take a back seat to his mom. He is secure by himself but there are a few in his 2nd grade class that are smitten by his intelligence and like to follow him on the way to the cafeteria. He is a talented artist, Xbox60 specialist, and free throw shooter. He aspires to be in the NBA when he grows up and currently could care less about anything except for his next game and if he got -0 on his spelling test.
Finally, son number four needs eligible females to wait a little longer. He is quite a project but will soon be on the verge of greatness. He vocabulary is exceptional, has the gift of gab and a is a talented scooter rider. He aspires to be a Doctor when he grows up and currently plans on marrying his mom, but don’t worry he’ll grow out of that stage.
Our society and black men in our society have their issues. We all do. Those issues need to be addressed head on, not discussed on C-span, especially if there is no follow-up. So I’m going to try to make things better by training up my children (and any others I encounter) right. I’ll spank them now so the cops won’t have to club them later. I’ll raise them to be men that recognize good women, and are recognizable to them. I’ll raise them to refuse to share and to know that being shared by women means they have a lot in common with public toilets.