I wanted to share a conversation I had this week. It seems so much more enlightning lately to talk to people who don't just listen but are actually processing what you say. It makes me smile each time I think about it.
So I had this discussion about my Twin B. He's so very different from Twin A in so many ways. Not only are they mirror twins (meaning one is left-hand, one is right, one reads well, one does numbers well, one is the spokesperson for the twins and one is a bit shy, one is the social butterfly and the other not so much). Here is the thing...they both are good at sports but one seems to excel without having much effort most days while the other works a bit harder at sports but is so bright in the class that sometimes it seems too easy.
Problem is this. Twin B is so smart, not just with books but just about life in general that he sometimes seems disturbed by us normal people. We are mere pions to his oversized brain. Not that he is a genius or anything. He merely thinks that you should be able to explain to him in detail why you think he should be doing it your way, hold an intelligent conversation and realize when you are the joke of the room. He could care less about doing his best on the court when he doesn't feel like it, or rather if you can't coach him to it. He doesn't want to hear your spewing of the magic trick for getting to college being a sports scholarship because in his opinion sports is fun and he'll apply himself when need be but he's going to college anyway. I love him for being his own man. My problem is that at 16 you simply can't turn your nose up at people you think are not very intelligent. You aren't in the position nor is it nice.
I've simplified this conversation quite a bit.
So in my discussion about Twin B I was told some things that I will keep in my heart forever about my dear twin. Simply put, we can't down our kids because they don't fit into our box. If he realizes his limits at this stage in life he is far ahead of many others and of course the biggest thing that got me. My friend shared that "you must know more than me for me to respect you or be happy about following you". Those are not the exact words so I shouldn't put them in quotes but basically simplified. I loved the example I was given.
"You want me to play man to man on this dude. You know he's faster than me, I know he's faster than me, he's beat me down the court the last 3 times and instead of switching to a better defense or adjusting who I guard, you want to make me look like an idiot and scream 'run twin' and then get mad when I don't", then throw me on the bench and say, he's just not working hard.
Wow. Good stuff. Quite simply put. In order to be the very best parent I can be I've learned over the years that all this competition stuff is irrelevant. It's not about living our dreams through our kid. So they don't make the paper each week. So they don't make 20 points a game or 4 TDs a game. They are having a good time and we need to learn to love them through it all. Our hangups are not theirs. I love that Twin B is his own man. He thinks different than others. He has dreams and goals that don't include every single thing that I want from him. Sometimes it just takes longer to take the mommy goggles off.
Powerful Beyond Measure