In my first installment of 10 things for black women, I wrote from the version of me, if I was a black man. These are things I would want my woman to know. I got lots of feedback, most people agreed upon, and some felt I forgot. Even though time changes, many things stay the same such as masculine and feminie nature. The constant struggle to achieve balance and mastering communication. What’s funny about it is, both men and women feel that harmoniousness is far from difficult if you follow a few simple guidelines set by each gender and all will be well, right? Not so much. If only it were that easy! There are so many shades of gray when it comes to the never ending saga of men and women. But let fellas tell it! They say that if women would just do x, y, z they could vastly improve the operational system of coupledom. But let’s define x, y and z shall we? So to please everyone (sometimes you can, sometimes you just can't), here goes...5 more things, EVERY black man NEEDS you to know:
1. I can’t read your mind. We often get attitudes assuming they know why we mad! It starts with a look then an eye roll and then we are mad! The silent treatment. Then when we get to the root of the issue it could be something as simple as we were supposed to go to dinner and a movie that night but he forgot. Okay. Say something! Problem solved. If you don’t tell him what the problem is, how can he fix it?
2. They really do need space sometimes. Just as women do. Just because you like to have your space at the nail shop and trip the mall and he likes to go catch a basketball game with his friends or have drinks after work with his buddies doesn't mean he is "acting like a bachelor". Women need to understand that men need time to process and they do it completely different than a woman would … without the emotion. Women often mistake men needing space as a personal jab and it’s normally the farthest thing from that. If you don't know he's not out banging other women just because he's not around or in a zone for a couple days then you have bigger issues! Just back off sometimes and leave him alone for a little while. Let them miss you even if it's only emotionally.
3. Women need to hush sometimes. Shut your mouth from time to time. Our time together doesn’t have to be filled with verbiage. Silence is okay. If he doesn’t have a whole lot to say some days it doesn't mean it's "over". It’s nothing you did. And yes, I do want to hear about your day but keep it light! Sometimes they don’t need to hear every single detail about who said what to who and what you said back. Wrap it up and put it in a nutshell. Like I said, It’s not that they don’t want to listen but their attention span is limited and if you keep it short you’ll get a better response.
4. Be a freak in the sheets sometimes! Freaky stuff is all good. If a man is horny the only thing that matters is the end result: the bust. They just want that wet wet. They don’t care that you make ugly faces or that you got a little stubble on your legs or on your area! None of that matters. You don’t have to get caught up in the look of things, it’s all beautiful to them and the best part is … it feels good! As long as your clean and smelling good, he's clean and smelling good, get to it? It’s a win, win situation. Your best compliment is ..."girl you make me wanna tell somebody", believe me he won't, but his smile will.
5. Look at yourself in the mirror. If you look at the way the media portrays us, it seems like the obvious question is “what’s wrong with the Black men and why aren’t they available for Black women?” but we can’t entirely blame Black men and we shouldn’t let Black women off the hook either. It's our EXTERIOR that gets a man’s attention (smile, look, personality, confidence and overall attractiveness) and our INTERIOR (our love for God, family, friends, values, support, emotional stability) that keeps a man coming back for more.