Blue Pill or Red Pill

The Blue Pill would make me feel good all day. The Red Pill would put me to sleep all day and I can try this again in the morning.
Sometimes no matter how much you try to suppress depression it uncovers it's ugly head. I think for me it's just part of my life's circle.I've been going through this since high school. I remember turning my 13inch tv sideways so I could lay down and watch tv for days without moving. Something I'm still struggling with and always dealing with and do my best to fight. I believe in the last few months I've worked on ways to minimize some of my "mood-swings" if you will, but often times it's in defeat.I plaster a smile on my face and say "I'm good". Don't ask me twice. I may breakdown. If I am able to hold it off last week then it festers until this week. If I don't just go ahead and hide under the covers this morning then I will tomorrow morning. It's this nasty little circle that continues to torment my life at times.I'm actually proud of how I've done lately...however...its always lingering...somewhere in the "backfield".

Medication...NOT. Prayers...daily. Come on God. Give me a hand here. I know you gotta be pulling for me cause you've taken care of me too many times in my life. Daily weekly monthly hourly. What's up with this "psycho-crazy-ish" you keep letting me go through. Until he answers I kill it with kindness and think positivity. So in honor of my latest little war of the moods I would love to post just a few things that always make me feel great. These are not the givens like kisses from my family, the way Cayden smells after a shower, the way I feel when my kid sinks a clutch 3 or makes a touchdown, or when loved ones say"I love you". These are the things that make me feel good. Others my take for granted:

1. finishing a to-do list
2. the smell of vanilla anything
3. driving with no shoes on
4. listening to a great playlist on my ipod
5. honest appreciation for a job well done
6. the ride and thoughts each morning on my way to the gym
7. a great article on something that moves me
8. learning something new
9. Being able to do something no one else can do (I know, I'm a wierdo)
10.The next day pain from really working out the muscles
11.laughing (it's so hard to make me have a genuine laugh that it almost feels good to release a real one.
13.A new product (currently it's Carol's Daughter Lip Butter...OMG...my lips are in heaven)
12. ****so I lied*** as I got to the end of this Cayden came in and said "I love you mommy, more than the stars and the moon and the sky and the rainbows...and the chips (He loves chips). How can I resist that not making me feel good.

Have a great day. Time to hit it!

No comments:

Post a Comment