I am not the one to give relationship advice. This is because, in my opinion I have a certain bit of immaturity when it comes to love and relationships, still at my age. I feel everyone is entitled to a certain level of cluelessness about life in general. I’m just figuring things out along the way. However, as a consumer of Black Female Media I am bombarded with our obsession with relationships. It’s constant. And I’m sorry to say, but it’s also rather annoying.
Like many of you, I have read the magazine articles, run out to get the dating books (I practically broke down the door to Borders to get my copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” and the Stevie Harvey Saga) and had the roundtable discussions with both my male and female friends about the current state of relationships. You know what I figured out? None of that mess works. At least not for me or many of my friends.
It took for my life to take some pretty drastic emotional turns (turns that didn’t have anything to do with my love life) for me to realize that the only way that I would gain any wisdom about life and love was to let myself go through it. Some may look at that decision and say “Okay, Nesh. You’re real reckless with your emotions.” But I do not agree. When you go through a difficult time in life, you learn where your true strength lies: your heart. Contrary to popular belief, your heart never breaks or leads you down the “wrong path.” Your heart is all knowing and all trusting, which means that it will not lead you into any situation that it’s not strong enough to see you through. When relationships don’t work out, the first thing we say is “My heart is broken.” Your heart is fine. It’s your ego that’s shattered and on the floor.
Your heart said “I love this person” and your mind said “I have to make this last.” When it ends, it’s your mind that cannot accept that it’s over. Your mind needs a reason, or better yet, it needs someone to blame. It has to be someone’s fault. Were you not pretty, smart, freaky, submissive, aggressive, honest, loving, strong enough? Was he “not worth anything?” Was it those trifling hoes of the world tempting him away from your goodness? Why didn’t it work out? Meanwhile, your heart says, “Who said it didn’t work out? We got what we needed from that experience. We will be fine.” You’re so preoccupied with your analysis that you cannot hear your heart saying “Hellloooo! Didn’t you hear me say I’m fine?”
Right now, I can honestly say that I am blissfully happy. And it got to be that way once I stopped obsessing over how to hold on and just let it flow. I stopped trying to label it or control it or predict it. I stopped dogging it out when things weren’t going my way. I stopped seeking advice. I instead put all of my energy into enjoying every single moment of life that I can.