"You may think you are the only person persuing this. You are wrong. I'm persuing this too, I want this just as much as you do".
After much self-inspection, I am still not sure exactly how I survived the past month. While I am grateful that a Being more sovereign than I saw fit to accompany me every step of the way, acting as a guide/protector, I am still taking inventory of all that my heart has endured. Weeks ago, I would have submerged myself into a mode of self-pity labeled "Victim-mentality", but with 40 less than 5 years away...I'm working on finding a different perspective. On what it means to live. Truly live. But foremost, on how to truly love, honestly and with all my heart. Even when it's tough.
One cannot be sure how strong the bond is between two people unless it has been tested. Taken through a variety of turmoil and even betrayal. However, I feel that it isn't just the strength of the love that is stressed, but the power of the Will of each person and putting God entirely first. At any moment after a crisis, only one person is needed to decide not to continue. To be committed to another person is the weightiest vow a human being can give, because he/she knows that love alone just isn't enough. To give ourselves completely to it is what most just cannot do.
Currently, I am in awe of how much strong my heart is now. Because it has been broken, subtly and repeatedly but ultimately, my love for him has been returned ten fold. It is returned everday. You can see the look in his eyes. My Love for my Beloved is so much stronger than it has ever been. I think that is a wonderful blessing from God. My choice to love him is as fiery and passionate as a summer fling, but it's girded with the stuff that allows Love to see its golden years.