So, when I blogged this last year I had no idea how much my life would be forever changed in the next few months. I re-read it. Still sounds like me somewhat but now I've truly made those changes and day to day I'm actually becoming quite proud of myself and my relationship with my Lord and Savior. I've asked him for some things to change in my life, some of my thinking, judgments etc. I see myself coming full circle. I feel the happiness that I've been lacking and as I said...it was here all along.
It isn't a new prayer but it's a more meaningful prayer and something that I've thought I could deal with on my own and that's just so. There isn't ANYTHING that can't be dealt with alone, without him. Thank God for understanding. I was riding late last night in the car with my husband and I told him, "it's such a trip that I can't think of anyone in this world at the moment that I don't like, have animosity towards, would want to see anything bad happen to, I've never felt like I had total peace in my life".
Maybe to you that's not such a big deal but you have to know me. Until just a few months ago, I wouldn't even consider going to dinner with certain people from my childhood because I still remember a joke they said about me in 8th grade. An acquaintance that I had a falling out with a few years ago was still on my most hated list until 2 months ago. I smiled when I saw her because she had apologized but secretly in my head I thought "If you were laying on the street bleeding I wouldn't help you".
I asked God to remove anything from my life that was not like him. This was a hard request, simply because, that means so many things. I knew asking him to do this could even possible mean I could be alienating myself from alot of things I love. I was actually terrified to say it but I said it and meant it. He's working on me. I feel it. It's a beautiful thing. One of the first scriptures he showed me again leaped off the page at me during bible study. I had seen it for years but it became abunduntly clear if I was to live my life for him. 1 John 4:20 "If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"