Theme Music

Feeling Stevie Today
A Man Before His Time
Cold Cold World.

You took me riding in your rocket gave me a star
But at a half a mile from heaven you dropped me back
down to this cold, cold world
Ooh you took me riding in your rocket gave me a star
But at a half a mile from heaven you dropped me back
down to this cold, cold world

How I Feel

Sometimes you think you have the answer.
Then you realize you don't.
Alone.

Just a small dose...or rant

(I'm going to attempt to make this sound not like a rant as much as possible.)

Because I've already cursed this week in one of my blogs I changed this. So you'll get my original blog if you change all the words "mess" to "**ck". Just sayin.

"To err is human..."

You've probably heard that quote quite a few times. Basically, it means that messing up is apart of being alive. Its what we humans do. We mess up from time to time. Some more than others. Many of us try our best not to do so but it's inevitable. The trick is to just contain the size of the mess up and then you can probably at least live with yourself.

Now I don't say this to be a cop out or anything like that. I believe we should all strive for perfection. I mean why not? Sure it doesn't exist and probably has never existed but if your not trying to better yourself then whats the point of living?

With all that in mind I get some what annoyed when I see people judge each other so harshly. During a lecture a friend of my once said, "There are geniuses all around you, be aware." That quote has stuck with me. Its true. There are special people, geniuses, everywhere. And most of them we'll never notice. Why? Because many of need some kind of sponsorship or special co-sign for people to see the light. And until that happens all we see is whatever we deem as imperfection. Why can't we have both? Why can't people mess up and be geniuses? That would be too much like REALITY. That's why when I hear stuff like MLK cheated on his wife, Ghandi was racist against blacks, blah blah blah I'm not phased (anymore). What do we expect from these people? I know we are constantly beat over the head by these companies (which are out to make a dollar) that these people were/are just these superb individuals that shat world peace. But that isn't the truth. They were just people. They woke up and breathed the same air that we do. They just shined in certain areas.

Don't sleep on the geniuses around you.

Some Stuff

An interesting quote that moved me:

It takes years to build up trust, but only seconds to destroy it.
You can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that you'd better know something.
Don't compare yourself to the best others can do,
But to the best you can do.
It's not what happens to people that's important.
It's what they do about it.
Always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
You control your attitude or it controls you.
It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
Your background and circumstances may have influenced who you are,
But you are responsible for who you become.
Even if you do the right thing for the wrong reason,
It's still the wrong thing to do.--Anonymous

What Girl?

i hated this girl, and because of that i berated this girl, degraded this girl, separated myself from this girl and betrayed this girl. i belittled this girl, compromised the principles of this girl, and in turn i depreciated the worth of this girl. i lied to and deceived this girl in part because i disapproved of this girl. i defamed and vilified and slandered this girl. i denounced this girl, criticized, and disparaged this girl all because i blamed this girl, so naturally i replaced this girl. i disgraced the name of this girl. i never once conceded the beauty and strength within this girl. I questioned this girl, never accepted this girl, confused this girl, i abused this girl. i challenged this girl, threatened the sanity of this girl, never celebrated this girl, never respected this girl, not once cared for this girl, instead i corrupted and failed this girl. i never encouraged this girl simply because i never believed the best of this girl. i offended this girl, condemned this girl, turned around and walked away from this girl. i championed against this girl, raised hell for this girl and when she cried out, i ignored this girl.


i fucked over, fucked with and fucked up this girl.

i never trusted this girl in part because i was never invested in this girl. i never acknowledged the internal strife within this girl, never offered anything but pain and false promises perpetuated by ill intentions to this girl, and by extension further diminished the spirit of this girl. i phazed this girl, i crossed the line and played this girl. i never dedicated the time to foster the promise that dwelled within this girl, i instead violated the thoughts of this girl, and proceeded to impregnate them with a kind of disillusioned thinking because i never once dared to explore the uncharted depths of the very essence of this girl. i tainted the image of this girl from the moment i knowingly misrepresented this girl. i controlled this girl, bought and sold this girl, i owned this girl. i could never fathom why god created this girl in a world that never embraced this girl, i wanted to erase this girl. i crippled this girl, intentionally harmed and eventually distorted the perceptions of this girl, this girl ..



written by this girl

What I Feel

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.--Janis Joplin

Diggin Myself

i'm obsessed with beauty products and cute socks, pumas and bracelets
i digg spoken word and i need to write in a journal again instead of blogging so much
i have to have my phone at all times, i'm a text fiend

i value true friendships and i like documentaries
i fancy jazz (hidden beach) and hip hop and soul, my ipod and i are really close
i appreciate wit and i admire strong character

i'm starting to really like my shoulders, i love yogurt and raisin bran and bananas
i smirk when i'm happy, hard to get me to laugh out loud. if you do your special.
i read voluntarily, i love book stores

i'm intrigued by history and all things racial or social in nature
i like a meaningful conversation, but i love feeling loved
i act silly and make jokes and i admit i'm slightly high maintenance
even if i do say so myself. you have to know my personality to understand what I mean
i've been told I think i'm better, not really just like what i like

i get sucked into things i want sometimes, like jeans, food, a perfume
i love to look at people, the eyes are the window to the soul
i talk alot to the people i think are special to me.
i am thinking about a tattoo down my side, i dont like loud noises

finally digging myself.

Phone Talk

For women talking on the phone is more than just an exchange of words. It is actually a declaration, in no uncertain terms, about their importance and value. Though unspoken, there are several questions that go through a woman’s mind when she calls you, or while she’s on the phone with you. Some of the key questions are these:

1. Will he get off the phone with someone else just to talk to me? (Note: This is a cut & dry issue. Either she’s important, or she isn’t. There is no in between.)

2. If he is busy, will he call me back in the time he told me? (Note: If you say you’ll call her back in 5 minutes, that means 5 minutes. This does not mean 10 minutes, or even 6 minutes. If you are late by more than hour?? DO NOT CALL. Show up with flowers, candy or any other peace offering.)

3. Will he rush me off the phone after 5 minutes of talking. (This is critical. You may not think much of it, but it is considered a major insult.)

4. Is he sincerely listening to me, or is it just a means to an end? (Believe me, they can tell the difference.)

5. Will he stay on the phone until the sun rises, simply because he enjoys talking to me so much and hearing the sound of my voice? (Oh, you’re tired?? So what! This simply means that you are willing to make sacrifices for her. She needs to know this.)

6. What do we talk about? Him? Me? or Us? (For her, there should be a balance of about 20% him, 40% me, 40% us. This can vary at different times, but you will not lose using this formula)

Phone calls can be critical to relationship stability. Do not take them lightly. If used correctly, they can become mutually beneficial for both of you. Remember, the purpose of the phone call is to connect with each other. Kindling the embers while you are apart, makes it easier to spark the inferno when you’re together.