Well, it’s my birthday again. Number 38. I owe you many thanks for keeping me alive on this earth for all these years. I've kept my head held high and taken the good with the bad. You’ve got to admit; you’ve thrown some majorly crummy stuff my way in the past few years and I know I'm suppose to be learning from it. I know, I know…you’re testing me. How about we just admit that I’ve failed so that I can go back to the less challenging Remedial Life class? That way I can keep practicing this life-thing until I get it right.
By the way, I’m extremely grateful for your hand in working things out on so many different fronts. No one rocks like you do, God, when it comes to making the impossible happen. Not even Obama. Instead of birthday presents this year, I hope you’ll agree to a few changes that I’d like to make in order to become an even better person (and a whole lot less neurotic.) Are you ready? You might want to grab a pen and paper to jot these down:
For starters, enough with the stray gray hairs. I mean really. Do you have any idea how depressing it is to pluck those bad boys out every other morning only to see that they’ve reappeared in a different place the next day?
Can I also please grow some bigger quads and delts while I'm still young enough to flaunt them and win a contest or two? No doubt that would be the true definition of Heaven.
I know I’ve been asking for quite a lot here, and I don’t want to be greedy. Is it OK if I ask for a few things for others? For example, can you please give the Banking Industry a conscience? Maybe even a time-out so they can think long and hard about their bad behavior? If you still have those Ten Commandment tablets handy, or can get them back from Moses, the banks could stand to re-learn the parts about not lying, stealing or being greedy. I think they missed them the first time around.
Lastly, can you please give the Republicans in Congress a collective lobotomy? The only thing coming out of their mouths these days is the word NO and it’s making for a difficult life here in the United States. Rather than a plague of locusts, perhaps you can smite them with decency and good sense. If that doesn’t work, please send them all back to kindergarten; they were obviously absent the day that learning how to play nicely with others was discussed.
In closing, I’d like to thank you for surrounding me with such wonderful people for showing your continued agape love and keeping my family healthy. For keeping me around for another year, I’m going to do my best to make it a good one.