Words

The most selfish one-letter word - "I" Avoid it.
The most satisfying two-letter word - "We" Use it.
The most poisonous three-letter word - "Ego" Kill it.
The most used four-letter word - "Love" Value it.
The most pleasing five-letter word - "Smile" Keep it.
The fastest spreading six-letter word - "Rumour "Ignore it.
The hardest working seven-letter word - "Success" Achieve it.
The most enviable eight-letter word - "Jealousy" Distance it.
The most powerful nine-letter word - "Knowledge" Acquire it.
The most essential ten-letter word - "Confidence" Trust it.


I found this, while looking for something else. This was better than what I was looking for.

My Pen is flowing ...

And so it continues..."Stick with me kid and you'll go straight to the top". I heard this recently and I smiled because it was something I needed at the time. Funny how words stick so deeply in my mind. I wonder if blissful and painful words stick with other people the way they do me. I once heard someone tell me "I can do better than you". I made myself a promise. No you can't and I can show you better than I can tell you. Strange how words can be used like weapons to the emotionally weak. They can ultimately change a relationship for the better or worse. Words can make you feel full of love...or saturated of hate.

I once heard someone say that the death of a relationship is like enduring open heart surgery without anesthesia.

(Here is were my writing goes slightly strange). I've been beat up about my blog lately. Simply because I write, what I feel. The personal stuff, as I've said time after time I sometimes have to leave in draft mode. Some other stuff I post. I don't set out to hurt people and more than anything I try to be true to myself. I need to be true to myself more than anything right now or I may just simply die from sadness. Currently all my theories and convictions about love are undergoing great scrutiny, and sometimes I can't tell my heart from my head. On a brighter note, they are finally starting to come to an agreement: Love is a gorgeous mess.

Ultimately, my desire was to keep this out of the blogworld until time created a healthy amount of distance for my heart to heal. However, my words provide me healing. Hopefully, it will give my readers the same benefit.

Love is hard and it requires that trust be there no matter what to insure the most perfect love. That is hard for me. At the same time I believe that love should be transparent to your significant other. A man should make his woman feel like she never has to worry or doubt him. If she is insecure, which happens sometimes he should be willing to make her feel comfortable and lift her up as his Queen.

I am allergic to dysfunction, but I will not run from it. I'll choose, instead, to war with it. I'm not making a lot of sense right now but it my mind it makes perfect sense.

Life Goes On...

Funny thing about going through life's changes is how we, as mothers seem to work through disappointment, sadness, frustration and the perils of life.
We, ummmmm, simply put, busy overselves. I've been so busy lately that I think I'm honestly making myself sick at times. I feel my body wearing down just a bit. I realize my iron is low but my workload is high and it seems that the list never ends. Yesterday, well this week, I've been a lunatic. Preparing this and taking care of that. Running here, running there. I feel this overwhelming sadness in my spirit that I can't shake though. I mean, I hate to have to fight to be happy. Nothing in my outward would detect, there is just something that says that something is not quite right. I don't feel all the way whole. At times, I think I've been moving faster than the speed of light. The more my brain is going the less time to think. Well, kind of. At night, usually 2 am, I'm up and walking the floor or laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Lately I've even retreated to my closet for a talk with God. I guess him what his plans are for me and what my mission is here. Am I doing what he wants me to do? Am I where I'm suppose to be and when will my heart be full. No answer...maybe he's not listening...maybe I'm not listening. Maybe I can't hear him. Maybe he can't hear me. (Shrugging my shoulders). I'm taking a big sigh right now. I ummmm. I gotta figure this all out. SOON!

Re-Introduction (Short Version)

Nesha W.
Age 30ish
In pursuit of a more intimate walk with my Lord.
Desperately in need for this to be my year.
Gym Rat.
Graciously Woman.
I write. everything.
Presently on a mission, yet not ready to release all details.
Heart of gold for those who climb the wall.
Lives for my family but much me time is needed.
Secretly building "future castle"...


Hello.