Winding Down the holidays

So very glad Christmas/ My Birthday is over. Things are beginning to wind down around here just a bit. I feel so badly for the twins. They had off Thanksgiving and Christmas and that's about it. Every other day has been filled with a game or a two-a-day practice. They were even playing basketball on their birthday, December 23rd. They asked that I not embarrass them with silly blogs about how much I love them so I honored their request and instead went broke for them on their 15th birthday and then two days later on Christmas. Twin A has been texting non-stop on his new EnV2 while Twin B still shows no real interest in his Samsung Propel (thanks Grandmas). Its so funny to me to see him hate to answer the phone. As a kid I remember my daddy sitting in the living room as the phone rang and pretending as if he didn't hear anything. I guess that's were he gets it from. They also both collected an ipod shuffle. If you've noticed I haven't blogged in days - it's a fight to get on the computer lately what with them downloading music onto their new toys. CJ got his two requested items from Santa. An Xbox game (Crash Bandikut?) and a fish. I actually kind of like the fish. We also named him "Crash". We are a non-pet family but this thing is okay I guess. Cayden wanted nothing more than a "football toy". His daddy of course provided him with a DENVER BRONCOS uniform. I have no idea how they got pants on over the cast but it's been a fight to get it off of him each night. He has also been sleeping in the helmet. I even got some very nice gifts. My birthday present was a pair of the clearest, most beautiful diamond earrings I've ever seen.

Cayden Update - We are counting down to December 30th!!!! In the meantime, he can now stand up by himself and he just giggles himself silly. I have NEVER seen anyone get around on their arms as quickly as he does. He is there one second, gone the next. I'm sure he is as sick of the "laying" position as we all are. His cast his a disgusting mess with duct tape patches, magic marker, food stains etc. all over it. I can't wait to give him a good scrub down!

Finals are finally over -

So we made it through the first semester by the skin of our teeth. I think I've sweated these first high school finals as much as the boys did. I'm actually quite proud of them too. I witnessed as they both buckled down this week and last and studied for their tests. I quizzed and tested and quizzed and tested some more. Twin A managed to pull out a respectable grade in all classes. The math grade killed his GPA though. He bombed on the Math final and he bombed on the Science final but he had an A already in his science class so he ended with a B for the semester. Twin B, my more studious kid who has never missed a day of honor roll had a much tougher time. Spanish has been his adversary this year. His fought all year just to keep his head above water. He brings a final grade of C home for that class. He also took a dive in Alegebra and bombed the final. Luckily the teacher likes him and decided to give him a mediocre grade but he won't see the honor roll this time around either. I know my Twin B though. He'll be back fighting. A fellow public school honor roll student, who happens to be a Junior at their current school saw his disappointment and shared with him "you'll be happy for the 2.8 at this school". I'm hoping the academics and quest for the students to do better will spark a competitive nature in them. Not only in sports but in the classroom as well. I have a feeling next semester will be better. I actually feel badly for them because they both seem so glum about their grades this time around. My take is that if I don't see you trying to do your best that is another story. Since I wasn't an A student I can't be upset if they don't bring home perfect grades all the time. I do expect more though. I was thinking about a punishment for them but it just doesn't seem fair at this point to discipline a kid simply because they "didn't get it". I reviewed their powerschool information and no assignments were missed. Every option for extra credit was used. I don't know. I'll have to think this one over a little bit more.

And So It Continues...even in a cast -

So here is the deal with Cayden. This little boy has managed to get into EVERYTHING possible in the last 3 years than ANY of my other children in 14 years! In the matter of 2 years walking, he has destroyed the carpet in each room (I'm not replacing it until he's "DONE" with this phase of his life). He has colored on walls which none of my children ever did, he has broken most of his toys, spilled just about every ingredient in the spice cabinet, broken several function buttons in the car, ripped zippers, buttons, backpacks and so many other things I cannot even begin to get into now. Now at three years old, in a body cast I might add - he continues to get into anything and everything he can reach.

In order to insure that he did not have a "double accident" I put his mattresses on the floor. For the first couple of weeks I've been "all good". If I put him in his bed he is essential in a time out mode. He could only scream "I want some jjjjjuuuicccceee"..."I'm hunnnnnnngggggrrrrrryyyyyyy" and whatever else he yells but he couldn't really do anything about it until I got there. As of yesterday he learned how to use his new found arm strength to get on and off that bed lightning fast! It's almost amazing to see this kid with his legs locked in place throw them over the edge and crawl down onto the floor and army crawl from room to room and then just as quickly climb back up when he's ready to take a rest. This is all to build up to my story of this morning. Last night I put him in bed about 9:30 and I promptly fell asleep too. Little did I know - CJ's school supplies where in arm's reach. I woke up to the above to pictures...one is taken in the actually position I found him in... the second is once I moved him to my bed! I was going to clean him up but decided to let him get his sleep in before I start cleaning him up. Now how long is it going to take me to clean up a kid covered in glue (YES - HE USED THE GLUE AS LOTION WHILE WE SLEPT) who can't get in the bathtub. Should be interesting no doubt!


Just to continue with the theme of my real life Dennis the Menace I added a pic that I took a week before his accident in the grocery store. Now how many three year olds do you know with a missing front tooth!

Book Brain Food

Often a good book can be a woman's best friend. I have been called on by Ms. Bar B to search my brain and reveal my favorite reads. I love books so this one was pretty easy for me. I love books almost as much as I love music. A good book can keep me wrapped up for days. So - here's to my book circle...I did find it somewhat hard once I started to pick favorites.
The Task:
(a) Fiction book
(b) Autobiography
(c) Non-fiction book
(d) A fourth book of your choice from any genre
Explain why the books are essential reads in no more than 30 words per book.



Salt In His Shoes is my Fiction Book Choice - My boys and I read this book over and over. It is so good for the soul and good for the spirit. Michael Jordan's story does wonders for the child who wants to be "more". After reading it Twin B put salt in his shoes every night for months!


As a high schooler my dad insisted I read Malcolm X before the movie came out. I am so happy that I did. Although the movie was amazing the book told the story of Michael Little. Malcolm X changed my thinking in so many ways. People should only dream of having his zest for life and justice.


It's been quite sometime since a book touched me as Miracle at St. Anthony's. There were just so many lessons. Every page was a lesson! It is invaluable for parents of athletes and for student atheletes to read. If you want it, it is a must that you work for it! I find it so beautiful that my son has his nose stuck in this book right now!

The Coldest Winter Ever is my book of choice. Still my favorite book! Simply an amazing read! I'm smiling thinking about how fulfilling it was. In fact, I think I'll read it again. I hated when this book ended. The story of Winter will leave you wanting more.

The Formal Is Coming

Oh My Goodness, Cayden has been up all night. I'm trying to break him of his new habit which is to lay in bed and simply screaming for what he wants "I want someone to cover my feet"..."I want some Juuuuuiccceeee", "I need mustard and ketchup"....EXCUSE ME! What happened to can someone please help me??? This went on all last night until 4:30am. He's sleeping beauty now. I'm so tired I can't sleep!

Anyway, onto my post - Monday the boys started discussing the formal dance in January. Twin B played cool and said he didn't care to go and wasn't really interested in going but a couple girls had either asked him or hinted that they wanted him to ask them. Twin A...Mr. Ladies Man of course (with a girlfriend) says that he is taking his best girl-friend. I said "your taking or you are asking me can you take". After that whole "mom can I go discussion". We go to the store and he asks if he can get her a bear and a rose in order to present to her and ask her formally. I'm like, "I thought you guys already discussed this"...and wow, surprise of surprises he says "yes mom, we already discussed it but all of her other friends are getting stuff from their dates and I don't want her to feel left out so I gotta get her something". I asked why he wasn't taking his actual "girlfriend" and he explains that she doesn't go to his school and I'll be stuck with her all night. If I take my friend then I won't feel obligated to be stuck with her all night. LMAO! Okay...well I love that there is always a method to his madness. Funny thing- I wish I had the inside scoop on what boys thought when I was growing up.
Twin B then comes in and asks can he get a small bear and a rose to for the girl he wants to ask. I'm even more surprised at this. He says "yeah, i guess I should check out this dance thing and see what it's about". He asks the girl yesterday and she said she would like to go but she has a C and a D right now and her parents said she can't go unless she passes all her finals. I love this school. I love the parents there too. I asked if he gave her the gifts and my comical son says "heck no, you get it if you say yes, if you said I don't know, you get NOTHING". Then he goes on to share some stories of several of the boys this week who have purchased expensive bears and flower bouquets and given them to the girl only to be told no....I LOVE THAT BOY! He thinks just like his Mama.
Anyway - writing makes me sleeping. I'm hitting the sheets before Cayden wakes up.

Spica Casts, Errands and a little crazy me

So I've stepped out of the blog world a minute as I got my little guy situated the past weeks but I wanted to check back in and let you all know how it's going. I'm still spinning many days but things seem to have calmed down a bit and I am starting to realize that Cayden is still Cayden. I am starting to see him smile a lot more again and I just keep telling him of all the great things he'll get to do when his cast comes off. We have our good days and bad. He now realizes that he is TRULY the King of the house though. "Mommy and Daddy I need you" can be heard all day long...and all night long too! He is doing nothing to exert energy so of course at 4am he is wide awake. He refuses to use the bathroom in his diaper so he has learned how to completely remove the diaper and yell "I HAVE TO POOOOOOP" before he goes. He pees in a small plastic urinal and each time he wants you to hold up the container so he can see how much he did (shaking my head- such a boy). He has finally learned to reach the bar between his legs and he says he is getting exercise by pulling up on it several times a day. I've also discovered in the last week that the best way to make him tired is to put him on the floor face down and let him crawl "army man style" room to room. He has learned to crawl and roll quite fast. I believe his favorite song has become "I WANT SOME JUUUUUUUUICE".(yes it sings just like "I have to poooop") He sings this over and over until he gets his juice...it's done in the most annoying way. Especially when one is exhausted from the previous night. Right when I get ready to strangle him he smiles at me and says "Mommy, I want you...come lay with me".

Last week was particularly bad. I had a million errands to do and didn't want to bother all my wonderful friends who have said they would help me (blush). I went to the pay some bills and pick up some groceries. I had to go to Costco for 3 three things. Imagine me pulling Cayden in the red wagon trying to purchase things at Costco. I made him carry what he could in the wagon and I had two items in my hand. This will definetly keep you from overspending. He had a freak out moment when he saw toys and wanted to get out of the wagon. I started to have a many breakdown and rushed out of the store. On my next stop, I decided to ditch the wagon and carry him to the store to pay a bill I had waited to the last minute to pay and had a shut off notice on. I'm standing in line holding him (my hip is so bruised from trying to rest that bar on it) and trying to dig in my purse and get the check and keep his hands from touching this and that. I was near tears. Finally when I got to the front of the line the lady asked what happened to him and when I told her she said "what a lucky little boy, my nephew dropped the tv on himself and he died". Of course this put everything in perspective. I put Cayden in the car and loved him up and we sang "If you like it then you should put a Ring on it" (lol) all the way home. Once we got home he was happy to play with his legos and his etch-a-sketch.
Thank you for all of your continued thoughts and prayers. Of course we aren't out of the house much for the holiday parties and such, especially with the amount of basketball games and such going on but we think of what wonderful friends and family we have and know we are truly blessed.

Spica Casts, Chores and a little crazy

So I've stepped out of the blog world a minute as I got my little guy re

MIA - My little guy

I may be MIA in the new fews weeks. My 3 year old knocked the television down on himself yesterday and broke his femur bone. For those who don't know this is the thigh bone and the biggest bone in the body. He is in lots of pain and will be in a SPICA cast the next few weeks. Lots of work ahead. He is so strong and handling this all so good..so far. I'm a wreck though. ttyl

Proposition 8 - No Opinions Just Thoughts

It's Monday and I have so many things on my mind this morning. I've been going since about 5:30am and I pondered what I'd write about today on my blog. I went back and forth between ideas of household pet peeves, the Santa Barbara fires, the terrible threes that I continue to live through, prop. 8, holiday shoppers, the fact that my neighbor has Christmas lights and a tree up already...I could rant on and on...but I'll save some material for another day.

I think what is most on my mind today is thinking about yesterday and the many protests for Proposition 8 that I've seen going on both in my town and across California.

I am not entirely comfortable with sharing how I feel about Prop. 8 with the entire world at this time but I do have my beliefs on the subject and I know which way I voted. However, I do think that fighting for what you want and "punking" people into how they should vote and contribute are two totally different things. As an African American woman my ancestors and those freedom fighters before us fought for basic human rights and protests and marchs were very important. I do draw the line in 2008 when companys, individuals, and organizations are targeted because "someone" chose to publish how they voted or contributed funds.

Over the last few weeks on the news I've watched these people forced out of business or had their businesses become the site of protests because of this. Is this the "American Way". Had I been a single, poor, black McCainic who voted and donated $20,000 to his campaign I feel it would be my right to choose to share that information. Why else are the ballots secret?

This morning on the news I saw that Leverby's Ice Cream was a protest site this weekend because it was published that they donated thousands of dollars to the Proposition 8 campaign? And What??? If you are going to protest Leverby's ICE CREAM then you might as well find out how contributions were made from every restaurant you eat in, every stitch of clothing you buy, any business you patronize and how each neighbor on all sides of you voted. If gay activists leaders are not in agreeance with this.

So you say, I can read into this and tell how you voted...no not really. I just believe that once the vote is done it's done. I would hope that McCain supporters would not now boycott the nation because Obama won. Just rumors alone would stop me over the years from buying many "anti-black" labels...Tommy Hilfiger, Sweet Tea, Troop, Timberland.

To each his own and I guess the protestors are doing what they feel is right but had my six year old wanted some Leatherby's Ice Cream yesterday there is no way I would have told him no as I explained to him what they were fighting for. I'm not ready for that talk yet.

My Friday Favorites

Just a collection of some of my favorite sayings, people, words, things, bumper stickers, etc - token Nesha











'It is unwise to have your heart in two places at once, because you can't breathe without it in the place that you are, and it can't beat without you in the place that you are suppose to be.'

Under Control

I’ve gotten to know myself a little better. I’m so on top of my game right now. I’m so organized. Dinner is made every night by 5, my house is sparkling, my children are all smiling, my marriage is perfect, every bill is paid, and the world is at my feet. I could not be more perfect. It’s so hard having this S on my chest from day to day. (I’m wiping a bead of sweat off my forehead as we speak. At the end of this day I will have completed every task on my to-do list. I AM Martha Stewart, I AM B. Smith, I am Kimora, Jada, Michelle Obama, Oprah, Vanessa Del Rio and June Cleaver all wrapped into one. I am in CONTROL!

I am... A FAKE!!!

I am absolutely none of these things…in fact as the days roll on I seem to continue to move from that perfect human being I have been trying to be. I am so far from that mark that I wrote about in the first paragraph you might as well start laughing now. I now realize
I’ll never be able to live up to any of those perfect things. There may have been a moment or two in my life where I did feel as though I could conquer the world and still make it home to prepare a gourmet dinner. I know there was definitely a point in time where I believed that I had the power to conquer it all, but now I’m not so sure...in fact, it is not so.

By pretending all these years that I had everything planned in a neat little bow and it was perfect I’ve wasted precious time figuring out how to do it right the first time so I wouldn’t have to wonder if I had actually done it correctly (does that make sense?)I AM the ultimate control freak.

Instead of asking for help, I’ve been secretly going mad…in fact to the point where I AM “mad” and actually have gone on some kind of protest that I truly can’t live up to. Example – I’ve been washing clothes for my boys their entire lives. I don’t agree with kids washing clothes too early. They have their entire lives to wash clothes. Besides, they are simply wasting your money as they attempt to learn. In fact if you notice, the kids who wash their own clothes you can always spot. Their clothes are washed out, too tight, too short and often wrinkled. I’d prefer my boys to actually look like they have a mother at home who is worth a damn (sorry if you don’t agree but it's my blog remember). Last week I decided to “not wash clothes and see what would happen”. Only I couldn’t stomach the results. I saw Jalen washing his white button down mass shirt, along with his green vest, black dress pants and he was actually going to throw his muddy cleats in there too! I took the time to show him how to sort clothes (although I’ve taught him this 4 times) but his theory was, all his other clothes were all washed (thanks mom) and these were the only dirty items left. I threw my hands in the air and walked out of the laundry room only to peek in about 11:00pm, long after he had gone to sleep. I saw that his load hadn’t made it to the dryer even though he needed to be at school at 7:15am. I opened the washer to find, mud and grass all over everything, a dingy white shirt. What’s superwoman to do? Now, had I been MY MOTHER, I would have woken him up with a loud spoon banging on a pot like she did when we fell asleep with a dirty kitchen. I'm a different kind of mother though. Superwoman. I re-washed everything, ironed it, hung it up, put the cleats in his football bag. I finally went to sleep around 3am. When I woke up around 6am Jalen was standing over me in full uniform looking quite handsome and saying “thanks mom”.
Awww, I could have continued my strike but then again I’m too concerned with what the world thinks “his mother let him come out of the house like that” bugs me more than I life lesson that he may or may NOT have learned.
For now, I wonder, will I always need to be in control? Am I really in control? Or do I just fight to control the small things in my life that I can?
Until next time,

disclaimer - this is not a feel bad for me post. please don't email me on tips for how to get my children to wash their own clothes. It's my decision, because I'm quite sure they would be capable of doing it on their own if I pushed the issue. Love you all for your positive thoughts. Nesh

Be Patient

Taking a note from Bishop Noel Jones sermon this Sunday "Be patient if your life feels like it is in shambles. Remember God flipped America UPSIDE DOWN so we could see that we needed CHANGE..."

Reminisce - With a Drink in my hand

I'm just feeling in the zone right now.
Maybe it's the Midori sore I had a minute ago
or the shot of patron I had after that
possibly this double shot in my hand about to go straight down my throat
but TI telling me I can have whatever I like is making me smile...that's a FACT
I'm looking around feeling like I'm
on Cloud 9 or maybe it's just the smoke in the air
and the fact that I still got it cause I see 'em lookin
but I'm so damn picky I don't even know which one I want to look at
man I'm going back o the bar...I better find my girls
That "GREEN LIGHT" Andre3000 verse comes in so hard!!
I'm on my way to the dance floor moving through the crowd
move the hell out my way cause I'm excited and singing LOUD
and after that they play another HIT
that new song by "T'Wayne" is my SHIT!
"Heeeeyyyy!", Whas Hapnin? all you haters get at me!"
I know all the words if you look at my lips utter the words you'll see
for a second I know I thought you all came to the club to see me
perform all these songs like I do in my bedroom except I'm in the club
in these two hundred something dollar shoes, I know I can't go wrong
...not tonight baby so I know after this dance you ain't putting your number
in my hand, I'm only dancing halfway t hrough then moving back to my girl crew.
I'm just smiling at you, no harm in flirting - so you go to yours and I'll home too
but first I'm headed to the closest place servin breakfast food...Nations in Jack London Square...3am pancakes just ain't fair
and as they let me out at my door, I'm saying damn that's what "Ladies Nights" are for.

Disclaimer - Mommies have fun!

So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen - Matt 20:16

I woke up feeling a little different today. I thought I'd feel different than yesterday but I'm still smiling. A little stronger, a little more powerful. I told my son last night "Do you realize what has happened? Do you realize you can now be ANYTHING you want in this world". A received a text that said "Rosa sat so Martin could walk, Martin walked so Barack could run and now Barack ran so we could fly". Our vote does in deed count. Nothing has ever felt more powerful than watching that man stand on a stage in front of the entire world and say "YES WE CAN"...Yes we did. I feel the tears of happiness again approaching. I looked back and Michelle and her face said "hhumpf, I knew it all the time, ya'll just didn't know it...now ya know". I will be forever grateful to Barack Obama for knocking down that door. It even felt good to watch The View yesterday and see Elizabeth Hasselback the "McCainiac" say, "he is our President and I will support him", with all sincerity in her eyes. I feel so damn good right now. I can't stop smiling. Look at what people can do in numbers...not colors....but numbers. O-bama! (la, la, la, la, la....we can change the world) -if you can't catch the tune is my previous post "We are the Ones

Anticipation - O-bama

Sadly Barack Obama's grandmother passed today. I wish she had lived to see the greatness of tomorrow but I myself am comforted in knowing that he left his political trail if only for a day or two to see her and say his goodbyes. I'm sure she is telling the angels all about her wonderful grandson.
I'm so antsy today. I don't know if it's from all the candy corn or the anticipation of what tomorrow brings. I'm smiling as I think about what could possibly happen tomorrow. Mr. King, Mr. X, Mr. Garvey, Mr. Marshall, Mrs. Parks, Ms. Tubman...the list goes on and on...what must you all be thinking. I smile as I write this...the majority of this goal has already been accomplished. I visusal Barack and Michelle embracing tomorrow after a long tired fight. Whoever may be who wins this great race tomorrow has a long tiresome road ahead. I pray it is Barack. I listened this morning as The View had SNL hosts on. How they talked about what characters McCain and Palin where and how they were so fun to make fun of. They said they simply hadn't done much on Barack because quite simply...he just wasn't that funny. Please people don't you know. My man is on a mission. He isn't funny because this man has made sure to make his life textbook so continue sifting through his kindergarten papers, his friendlist, tapping his telephone and waiting for his mistake. Barack you are my hero. I am so proud of all that you stand for. I pray that they Flavor Flavs, Tpains, I love New Yorks etc. will take a break tomorrow and show their true selves. O-bama...you are to be honored.

Love Anyone?

Reggie Love is the personal aide, aka “body man” in political circles to presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama. The morning after the last presidential debate, Senator Barack Obama was fundraising spoke on Reggie Love in front of a group of supporters.

"As some of you know, I have a body guy named Reggie Love, who is very famous because he's young and good looking. You know, cooler than the candidate," he began. "But the reason I'm raising his name is that the other day, somebody said to him, 'Hey Reggie, how are you?' He said: '20 days!' And so, from here on out, any time someone asks Reggie what's going on, it's '17 days!' After two years of campaigning, that is basically our entire perspective."

The shared perspective between Barack and Reggie is the result of an intense two-year campaign which they have experienced like buddies on a long road trip.

Senator Obama likes to say that he lives vicariously through Love. It was Love who introduced Obama to Jay-Z, loading the New York rapper's music on to an iPod which he bought as a birthday present for his boss. And it was Love who introduced Obama and his wife Michelle to dap (fist-bump) that Fox News suggested was a greeting between terrorists. In truth, it was a greeting between Love and the staffers and reporters who were pretending to be as cool as him.

Reggie Love is more than a body man. His official duties are to look after the candidate's personal needs. He carries the candidate's pens, his favorite snacks and drinks, an endless supply of chewing gum, as well as numerous bottles of water. He lines up the podium before the candidate steps out, and adjusts the autocue machines to the correct height, a few inches lower than his own. In reality, there is no official job description for a body man. The personal aide shadows the senator and anticipates everything he needs — and everything he does not need. He is not a bodyguard (security is provided by the Secret Service), but rather the ultimate assistant, rarely more than a body length away from the candidate.

But the official duties don't come close to capturing Reggie's close bond with Obama, who plays a role that is part boss and part big brother. At the start of Obama's day, Reggie is with him in the hotel gym or local YMCA, where they work out together. As the day rolls along, he travels with the nominee in his armored SUV, managing the phone call list and dialing the numbers. At events, he is his personal photographer and stopwatch, alerting the candidate to the need to wrap up his comments and stick to his schedule.

At 6ft 4ins, the 26-year-old Love is a standout presence on the campaign - and not just because of his bald head or his proximity to the candidate. He was a forward for the Duke Blue Devils basketball team, and played on the 2001 team that won the NCAA national championship. Love was suspended from the team in 2004 due to alcohol-related incidents, but returned and was a captain of the 2005 team. “You make mistakes and you learn from them, and you try to use them to make you a better person,” Love said. He also played wide receiver for the Duke football team, and tried out unsuccessfully with the Green Bay Packers and Dallas Cowboys football teams.

He graduated in political science and public policy. A year later, he applied for an internship in Congress and landed an interview in Senator Obama's office, rising to the position of deputy political director.

Love remains the best basketball player on Team Obama, and one of a handful of the candidate's regular teammates who can dunk the ball. Back in his hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina, Love is something of a college legend. At a rally there earlier this year, Senator Obama called him on stage and led the crowd in a chant of his name.

With his prominence has come an unusual degree of public attention. People magazine named Love one of America's most eligible bachelors. Vanity Fair listed him as one of its In items. Love was featured in the ESPN documentary show "E-60" for his role on Senator Obama's campaign.

Reggie Love has his sights set on something other than being a body guy. As the campaign winds down, Love is cramming for law school exams. His goal: to return to Duke and emerge with a law degree.

Funny How that Works

So I had to snap yesterday on the twins and act like a sensitive girl. I got to the football before kickoff and since the Freshman played on Wednesday this week Jalen (moved up to JV) was running around with some little chicken head. The same one I told him means no good and that he should stay away from. She may as well have been glued to his butthole because as he walked she walked a step behind him. He saw me and looked over, threw his hand up in the air (I guess that was suppose to be "Hi Mom") and kept moving. During halftime a friend stopped me at the snackbar to talk and while we were engaged in conversation I saw out of the side of my eye, Jalen walk by again with the little mini-group in tow. What dumb ass girl in 2008 walks behind any boy??? He saw me and we made eye contact and I stopped looking, causing my girlfriend to stop talking to see what I was looking at. "aaawwww, he has a little follower huh girl", I shook my head and went back to my seat. After the game was over I made my way to the gate to wait for Jordan as it WAS a Wednesday night and I was anxious to get home. Jordan walked over grumbling under his breath about something. I never did get that hi mom. Jalen finally decided to join us as his friend went out of the gate. So I walked silently and didn't say much and when I got in the car...I snapped. Yes snapped "Oh, so I bust my ass to get to this game and see you guys and I can't even get a hi mom? I think I deserve better than that. Okay, that's the way you want to treat me, don't walk over and say hello, nothing. Jalen you want to run around with this little scrub bucket, why aren't you down on the field supporting your friends. Jordan, I sat through this game and you can't even come out of the locker

Powerful Beyond Measure Followers

It's funny how many people tell me that they actually follow my blog yet I don't even know that you exist. If you are a follower please please free to subscribe or click on the sidebar of followers to be added. Thanks to all who come and visit. I adore you!
Nesha

The American Way

The US is on fire! WATCH IT BURN! WATCH IT BURN!
The common man is taking a beating! TAKE YOUR TURN! TAKE YOUR TURN!!
This SUCKA ain't gettin up fa sho!
Let's kick him again and let his simple ass KNOW!
How DARE you grow!
How DARE you show initiative!
Start a small business chump! Let's see how much money THAT GET!
TAX IT!
TAX IT!
TAX IT!
Give back ALL that money the government "stimulus" mailed OUT!
WE need that shit BACK for the NEXT big MULTI-BILLION dollar company we HAVE to BAIL OUT!!
Raise the gas prices HIGHER! Then a little more HIGH!
And don't you DARE look at me funny and ask WHY!
Now GO out and be a good citizen and work to pay back them high interest loans for the rest of your DAYS!
THEN die and pass the debt to your children...cause THAT'S the AMERICAN WAY!



I hope times change...
Tired of the same old Nonsense. Let's get out and Vote people! There is still HOPE for this nation to be everything we used to think it was.

We Can Change

I absoluetly feel like crying tears of joy everytime I see this video. I believe we can change. We are changing and Obama is the man to begin to start the process. Can you imagine...Barack Obama has a chance to be the leader of the free world...simply AMAZING! Thanks for sharing daddy...I stole. Oba Ma!

Hey Mommy!

I woke up this morning with some things on my mind but most heavily was my mommy and how much I truly love and miss her every day. I've taken for granted that my mommy would ALWAYS be within reach and now that she has been in Texas over a year I understand that she is no longer there for me to hug, love and show my appreciation for each day. I think back to my childhood and how as a teenager my mother made the decision to have me and give up her life so that I could have each and everything that she didn't have and to give me the absolute best childhood a child could have. Funny for year I said that my mom was unable to see me compete in my basketball games and track meets and I would go out of my way to make sure to be there for my children. When you know better you do better and what I didn't know or rather didn't appreciate when I was making these statements is that my mom was WORKING. Busting her ass so that I could have all those extra things we wanted in life. There wasn't a day that I went without...funny, I remember working as teenager but I would have to be an idiot to believe my chump change paid for those Guess Jeans, Troop Jackets, Reebok Boots, Graduation Invitations, Caps and Gowns, daily lunches, gas in the car, beepers etc. etc etc. My middle name should have been IJUANA as a baby,child,teen,young adult cause "I WANTED IT" it all. While my dad was stationed in Hawaii I can remember my mom getting me a plane ticket to fly me back to California to pick out my prom dress so that no girl on that island would have one the same as mine. Interesting point about this is, I don't remember saying thank you and I damn sure don't remember her cursing me out when I returned to find out my boyfriend had cheated on me with some hooch and I changed my mind and decided not to go at all. She didn't blink and eye but instead told me that I would be wearing it to the next prom. During my unplanned teenage pregnancy, I rarely saw my mother as she busted her ass to make sure that those twins came into this world with nothing short of a Michael Jackson heir. They had double cribs, double strollers, double high chairs, double swings, double EVERYTHING!!! and mom and dad did double duty for sure. I could go on but somethings are better left unsaid, just know that she was truly a lifesaver in so many ways. As an adult my mother just like everyone has her ups and downs, good days and bad but she continues to be an amazing woman of God, the best grandmother (ya-ya) that a child can ask for and truly a blessing to me each and every day. This post could have gone on for days on end with talks of how much I truly love and appreciate her. PS. I miss coming to sleep in your bed in between you and my daddy. Hey Mama! I love you -
click below for my current song dedicated to my mommy!

Colin Powell Endorses Barack Obama

If you still have questions, I feel bad for you son, Barack has 99 problems but Colin Powell ain't 1.

Catching up on the boys

and so the first quarter of high school ends for the twins. I smile as I type because both did much better than I expected. I've been on them like white on rice each day "do you have homework?, what's homework? let me see it? what did the teacher say? Did you have all your books?" Sometimes I don't know how they deal with me. Sometimes I don't know how I deal with them. Jordan had his cast removed and is anxiously awaiting getting back out to football practice. He started with some light jogging this week and he swears he is playing next week. Honestly, I doubt it but I'll continue to give him a smile as he talks about his first high school game. Jalen has blossomed in high school. He has a 3.2 gpa, really likes his teachers and even managed to get moved up to the JV team where he is currently starting on both sides of the ball. He has yet to ask for a goof off day yet although who would want a goof off day when you could possibly come back to 6 hours of homework. I'm please with them both, I pray it continues and I anoint their heads with prayer oil after they go to sleep each night :-). PS Jalen still has the same girlfriend...I have no idea how, they go to different schools and haven't seen each other since 8th grade graduation...it's a text relationship..lol

Sometimes Lyrics Express Better Than Written Words

The Weight of the World On His Shoulders....

Dear Family and Friends,

We are at the crossroad of our future. Let us understand the trick of the enemy. We know that lies, slander and deception are part of the political scenario. Let us pray for presidential candidate, Barack Obama to maintain his integrity and character…
What must it feel like?
To carry the hopes and dreams of an entire nation on your shoulders?
As much as I hate to say it, I know beyond a doubt that the next three weeks are going to be nasty. He is leading, and there are people who simply cannot stomach the idea of his beautiful black family living in the White House. There will be smears, all sorts of slander and lies, the likes of which you have probably rarely seen. Therefore, we have to pray for this man, and Please! Make sure you VOTE! Vote early if you can!
Do Not Forget to Pray!
If it is God's Will, we will finally, have the change the world has been waiting for.

Barack Obama.

Blowout a little over the top....

So I'm cruising the rivals.com when I come across an article on Estero High School in Florida. Last week they played Naples High week and lost by 13...not 13 points...13 touchdowns. The final score you ask? 91-0.
The schools aren't far off in size: Estero has about 1,400 high schoolers, Naples roughly 1,700. But the pedigree of the football programs couldn't be more different.

Estero is rebuilding from the lowest level and their coach is in his firt year with teh school. He has inherited a program that had simply crumbled. Naples High is the reigning state Class 3A champion, and a contender to win the title again. Naples has several players committed to Division I schools like Ohio State already and a roster filled with talent at every position. Estero has no college prospects and only about 25 healthy or so players remaining on its roster. Estero's starting free safety is listed as 150 lbs. After viewing the youtube film I beg to differ.

Naples led 70-0 at the half. It was David versus Goliath and David didn't have a stone to throw. The national record books are somewhat incomplete, but a score like 91-0 won't register on the list of all-time defeats. It wasn't even the most lopsided score in the country this weekend, in Ohio, Beechcroft beat Centennial 96-0,taking several knees on plays in the fourth quarter to avoid triple figures.

Is there really a definition of White Priviledge?

So I was contemplating this a few weeks ago and I received this email this morning. I figured I'd post and share and add some thoughts of my own although I found myself struggling with the topic. For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

Here is the email:

What is White Privilege????

For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege,
or who are constantly looking for an easy-to-understand example of it,
perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like
Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of
your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge
you, or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even as
black and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly
typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin'
redneck," like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, who likes to "kick ass"
if people mess with you, and who likes to "shoot shit," for fun, and
still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great
son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges
in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out
of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community
college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to
achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as
unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first
place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town
smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state
with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of
Manhattan makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don't
all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator
and constitutional law scholar means you're "untested."

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words
"under God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough
or the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be
immediately disqualified from holding office, since, after all, the
pledge was written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn't
added until the 1950s; while believing that reading accused criminals
and terrorists their rights is a dangerous and silly idea only supported
by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not
make people immediately scared of you.

White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member
of an extremist political party that wanted your state to secede from
the union, and whose motto was "Alaska first," and no one questions your
patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse
merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids
on the first day of school, people immediately think she's being
disrespectful.

White priv ilege is being able to make fun of community
organizers and the work they do (like among other things, fight for the
right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or
an end to child labor) and people think you're being pithy and tough,
but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and
18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she
took in college, you're somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't
even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your
running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket
has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give
your party a "second look."

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support
your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or
being a typical politician who engages in favoritism , while being black
and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in
Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years
whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry, or who merely
criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an
explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring
Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in
speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on
Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a
good church-going Christian. But if you're black and friends with a
black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department
of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign
policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effects on
black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when
asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for
asking you such a "trick question," while being black and merely
refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means
you're dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and
nuanced.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW
has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being
black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it, a
"light" burden.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could
possible allow someone to become president when they have voted with
George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is
skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and
the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white
voters aren't sure about that whole "change " thing. Ya' know, it's just
too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same,
which is very concrete and certain...

_____________________________________________________
I'm not a racist of anything of the sort...more of a realist and there are definetly concerns that cross my mind...White privilege is a set of advantages and/or immunities that white people benefit from on a daily basis beyond those common to all others. White privilege can exist without white people's conscious knowledge of its presence and it helps to maintain the racial hierarchy in this country.The biggest problem with white privilege is the invisibility it maintains to those who benefit from it most. The inability to recognize that many of the advantages whites hold are a direct result of the disadvantages of other people, contributes to the unwillingness of white people, even those who are not overtly racist, to recognize their part in maintaining and benefiting from its supremacy. It's about thinking that your clothes, manner of speech, and behavior in general, are racially neutral, when, in fact, they are not. It's seeing your image on television daily and knowing that you're being represented. It's people assuming that you lead a constructive life free from crime and off welfare. It's about not having to assume your daily interactions with people may have racial overtones. White privilege is having the freedom and luxury to fight racism one day and ignore it the next. White privilege exists on an individual, cultural, and institutional level.

"Being white means never having to think about it."
-James Baldwin


This post are just some of my thoughts. They are not meant purposely or to cause hurt but ignorance is not knowing...now you know.

So here is my thing. I messed up. My heart has been mine. I was doing just fine. I liked being cold and having my feelings untold. Like a sucka I fell for the okie doke. I let the wall down. I blew it. Humpty dumpty has fallen off the wall, or maybe just humpty's heart and I'm looking down like damn, it's smashed, laying there beating on the ground and I'm just watching it as it beats slower and slower and I'm thinking damn, there ain't enough crunches, sit ups and miles to run to block this shit out.

Damn I hate this feeling, the felling of being somebody's fool, I've saying I let someone in who probably shoulda never been there in the first place and now I'm like yesterday's trash.

My fault and I'm pounding my brain cause I'm saying, damn girl you let it go there. You coulda stopped it at any times but you took 4 steps forward 1 step back, 2 steps forward, 1 step back, coulda turned around but you crossed the line and now it's gone and it's what you thought it was all along...a game...sucka ass girl you ain't no woman...no you just a smile, a distant memory.

you played yourself!


lol@ folks trying to figure out what the hell I'm talking about. I'm just writing don't take it personally.

I Feel like Writing

i feel like writing.........
something prolific, but not too deep
nothing like that depressing nonsence that puts people to sleep
nothing like that pause and stop poetry that people are used to
i want to write something that will use you
that'll use your sences and emotions as weapons on your heart
and make you think about things you've done and loves that have feel apart
make you cry and fill you up with enthusiasm to write yourself
then the rest of the day you can't think of anything else
I want to write something that touches the soul and inner being of the average man
Nothing too over the top so the everyone young and old can understand
stuff that will start revolutions in minds like Brother Malcolm, Obama and Dr. King
Words that fill you up with hope that you can do anything
gotta think of something that is like artistic and exciting
damn...thas too much work for all that...i don't feel like writing

Feeling Creative

My thoughts ramble so I truly need to get back to my writing, it releases me and lets folks not ask me so much, "whatcha thinking about"...damn, I'm just sitting here minding my business in my thoughts...can I just sit without there being something wrong? Just some thoughts I woke up with on this morning.

Have you registered to vote?

time to make our dreams and hopes elope
the government has had us hostages for years and
how it's time for them to LET MY PEOPLE GO!!
let my people GROW
I want to let my people know we don't have to be
broke no more
opened up the schools and they are givin out
grants and loans
low interest rates and after you graduate
guaranteed jobs for you to go
don't matter if you got corn rows or a fro
image is nothing but your THIRST is
everything...just so you know
put your best foot foreword and take a step after
that...don't quit
and another and another and start running like
you want a gold medal for it
I tip my hat to your future success
I set it up...now you finish the rest...

I PUT ON!

To be young, a mother, lots on my mind...I'm growing older tryin to get my shit together and "still" trying to be fine.
Got the kids in the back of the 'burb and but I'm singing loud, rolling through the parchochial school parking lot beatin out to "I PUT ONNNNNNNN"....the one they hate worst is the new John Legend cause when Andre's lyrics hit I say "OH HE CAN GET IT, ADMIT IT" they cover their faces...damn them...I'm young too fool. Don't be a hater cause your mamma still got it. Dont be mad cause your mama can still drop it.

When approach the entrance to the school and I turn the beat down....whispering the lyrics cause TI made it just for me - "I can have whatever I likeeeee", all stiff in my seat, handing out money and kisses as my car unloads...."Bye Mrs. Ward"....Mrs. Ward...I'm Nesha Dammit! Mrs. Ward is his mama.

I watch them walk in up the sidewalk to the school like they own that b**** and I think, damn I wish I had that swag at 14, had to wait until I grew a little butt and filled up a bra to actually get some courage.

And as I roll down the block bend the corner out of sight of the prissy, missy, noses in the air, I turn my beat right back up as I hit the road, lean in my seat and ride out....yeah yeah yeah "no one on the corner has swagger like me"...that's right dammit!

ps - if you know me...you laugh at this cause you don't see me, just lettin me hair down for a second now back to our scheduled program.

You are always near me no doubt, you comfort me with your touch, my fingers love to roll against you and everything about you is place just right. You've never left me out in the cold, keep me on time, remind me when I'm lost. Each morning when I rise you are the first sign of life and even at 4am you keep me o' so in touch. I love your features in everyway, your design is so sleek, your storage is so ample. Your hour glass makes me absolutely CRAZY! Your small package has quite a punch.

Chris Rock On Larry King Live

Chris Rock is so smart. I don't really laugh when listening to see jokes. I simply nod by head up and down viciously. He is a beast on the mic. Plays no games, doesn't care who he offends and tells it like it is.

Some Stuff - Purpose, Me, Dreams and Rambling

Do you ever ponder if you are were you are suppose to be in life. Is this my purpose? Was I put here for this? Was I made for this? I catch myself doing it often. It drives me to insomnia sometimes to wonder if I have my purpose in life. Questions that swirl through ones mind. Am I good enough, do i have enough, have I done enough and I being enough. I know there are some things that will never be accomplished but am I working hard enough towards those things that I can. Do the boys have the best grades, do I work towards my potential, am I a good enough parent, am I going to spend my life allowing feet to often step on me in silence. I know things that will never be; picture perfect Beyonce, a laid back individual who doesn't overthink everything or a high strung person that can curse you out and then resume business. I'll never be any of those but then again, they aren't my goals anyway. Will I ever not care what other's say, or even think, or have the confidence of Ja. Ward. It took me too long to get the common sense and the ability to not settle for things like Jo. Ward. So glad they got it at 14. I know I'm rambling but it's my blog and I can decide to not make sense if I want to. Will I ever stop wondering what the text said that my son just sent out, what they do when I'm not around, is he saying please and thank you. Does he unloosen his belt and let his pants sag when I walk away. Okay, so I've done it again, I've made this blog about them instead of about me, but in all honesty, TRUE HONESTY, I need a journal and not a public blog because somethings are better left unspoken.

Not really much more to say than this

I decided to share this video that a friend emailed me. It starts off a bit slow but about the 3 minute mark I found myself shaking my head
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Al_y3g77ZsA

Life

I hate talking on the phone, but it's amazing how some of your favorite people don't even call sometimes. I guess I could care less...I'm not a phone person. People think I could careless and sometimes I don't but damn...oh well...I don't feel like talking anyway, I'd rather let the day pass away, pollute my mind with my ipod lyrics. When do I stop? I mean...really...when do I start to believe the doubt...outloud? When do I throw my hands up and beg to get out? When is enough ENOUGH? Why did everyone think that I could just give up? am I fed up? well...before you let go...ask yourself how important is this to you? If this went away what would you do? How much inside of yourself did you search to find out if giving up on this would hurt?

Talking Dirty

As I watch the boys grow and change I see so many of the things I did as a teen in them. Their mannerisms, their clothing style, their culture it's basically just a circle of what I've already done in my youth but they seem to always up the scale just a little more. The one thing I did not do often was curse as much as the youth of today does. I was always so afraid my mother or father would be lurking around a corner somewhere to say "I'm gonna whoop your butt". It was many years away from my parents before I was able to freely curse without looking around and even longer before I dared to even say a curse word in front of them. It's a work in progress as I find myself struggling sometimes to suppress words I should not say. In fact I have money jar on my desk and if I say a curse word I have to put a quarter in it if CJ hears me say a curse word.

At an early age I've already heard my sons' and their friends curse a number of times. In fact if they think I'm out of earshot they are going to curse. We've had many sit downs and I've discussed open their vocabulary and the fact that if you curse so much it's just a way of saying I'm too dumb to think of a more intelligent word. Not the case with them. They say it's a different form of expression....BULL! Wherever you look someone is cursing though. Do you know how many words you could get away with on tv and radio now? I remember watching "Dynasty" as a kid. When Alexis slapped Krystal for the first time and said "You Bitch"...the whole room went silent and my hand immediately went up to my mouth. Now, I have to turn the radio down in the car and many points in the song to avoid all the stripper songs, weed songs, get butt naked songs, I'm gonna murder your mother songs....etc etc etc.
All I can do is continue to teach my children to expand their vocabulary and be better...while feeling up my quarter jar and making CJ rich.

Everything I Am

I've been in contemplation-mode the last few weeks. It seems there are so many things just swimming around in my brain. I'm getting older and still trying to get to that place. That place of comfort where I know that everything will be okay and somedays it feels like the mark is moving farther away.

Ocho Cinco's Gone Loco

Chad Johnson has always been viewed as an odd ball for his on the field antics, but his past shenanigans don’t compare to what he just did off the field.
He has legally changed his last name to “Ocho Cinco.” Ocho Cinco, Formerly known as Chad Johnson, has always wanted to wear his nickname on the back of his Jersey, but the NFL wouldn’t allow it without fining him.
Johnson started a buzz in Cincinnati during the off season by requesting a trade because he didn’t feel enough love from Carson Palmer & The Bengals organization. Ocho Cinco, loves the lime light and will do anything he can to make sure he’s makes the highlight reel on Sportcenter. I can’t help, but to ask myself if he’s a genius who will be able to make millions marketing his own brand identity or has he gone completely mad like Mike Tyson did when he tattooed a tribal scribe on his face to look more intimidating in the ring? (a whole other topic). Word around town is that the NFL is charging Chad approximately $4million dollars for the cost to buy the Chad Johnson jerseys already created in order for him to wear Ocho Cinco on his back. Because Johnson changed his name so close to the start of the season, Reebok was left in a bind since they'd have to produce new jerseys and eat the old ones. That's why the NFL has told Johnson he'd have to reimburse the company for the price of the jerseys. I don't think we'll be seeing "Ocho" anything on his back any time soon unless he feels like throwing away Quatro-Million! I think he can find otherwise to spend his money. (Read the fine print next time Mr. Johnson). It's tough to defend Johnson, as he's so narcissistic at times it almost makes you want to cheer against him. Whatever it is, Ocho Cinco has sent shockwaves around the football world with his unpredictable behavior once again & I’m even happier with myself that I drafted him on my fantasy football team this 2008 season!

Just Some Ramblings - Freeing my mind

School has started and lots going on so I'm just freeing my brain of some of the latest happenings, misgivings, irritations, upcoming events, set backs, opportunities, accomplishments and so on.

1 - Football season has begun, after a whirlwind summer of vertimax training, early mornings, late nights, Jordan was injured Saturday morning during a scrimmage. He fractured his fibula and tibula. He was casted on Monday and probably won't return until closer to the end of the season. Although he is very disappointed his spirits were up going to school this morning.

2 - Coach Ward lost his first football game in over two years this Saturday in the season opener of the Jr. Rams. I don't need to say that he isn't very happy but looking forward to the next game.

3 - Jalen did very well in his first two high school scrimmages and he is excelling. Their first game is this week against Jesuit High School.

4 - I managed to watch a total of about 3 minutes of the GOP convention last week before becoming annoyed with how truly idiotic they think we are and couldn't stomache any more than that.

5 - Gas is finally beginning to go down and I actually got a half a tank of gas for $50.00! Can you believe it!

6 - Britany Spears won 3 awards at the VMAs and I had no idea she even had an album out!

7 - Religion class has been so beneficial to my children. It has truly opened their minds up to questions they've had and may have in the future. Over the past weeks while helping with homework it was so exciting to help them look through the bible to find answers and explain what God's word meant.

8 - Finally, God continues to bless the Ward Family daily. We are a work in progress.

I wasn't, I really wasn't...but I decided to...Palin and my thoughts

So here is my thing. Do the republicans TRULY think that we are THAT STUPID. Hilary didn't win so let's just through another "qualified" woman and them and they'll bite. Was I not the only one who noticed that John McCain was so fearful that Mommy Palin would make a mistake that he stood next to her the entire time she was speaking and looked at her out of the side of his eye as if to say 'lady, don't say anything stupid". Now, I for one should know. I'm a mother of five, have a million things to do, like to take on a million more and a self proclaimed basketball mom etc., etc. etc. Do they HONESTLY expect us to believe that she was properly "vetted" and still chosen? When did her name actually appear on the short list.
There IS a time to say, enough is enough though. You have a 4 months old (for goodness sake, are you still bleeding), with downs syndrome, your still nursing and a 17 year old unmarried, pregnant daughter. Essentially, you will soon have 6 children. Are you serious? Palin has spoken against sex education or the teaching of contraception. When her water broke with her Down Syndrome baby she got on a plane and flew eight hours back to Alaska, making it only hours before the birth, a risky decision for a pregnant woman of any age. After delivering one child she went back to work the next day. After the birth of her fifth child, she was back in the office after a few days. What is her first priority. Is it as a mother or as a governor? Will her first priority be as a mother or as a Vice President or a President? One in three Vice Presidents become President. John McCain is a 72-year-old cancer survivor. Every woman, and particularly every woman who works, including me, understands that the conflicts and the guilt are always there in a way that they are not for men. There comes a time when a mother must honestly say, thanks but no thanks.

Homeschooling my Little One

So far the process of homeschooling has been quite exciting. Each morning he has gotten up, brushed his teeth eaten breakfast and gotten right to work. Probably the only thing we haven't done some days is to get fully dressed in school clothes. I figure it's one small token of getting to work from home and he enjoys doing his school work in a warm pair or pajamas. Saves me some laundry time too. The academy we are linked to has made it so much easier through the study guide and lesson plans but I still think it's a little watered down and during most evenings I am busy printing out more advanced work for him to complete once he does the "governments" daily lesson plan. I have noticed such growth in him already, and his little brother too! Whatever CJ does Cayden wants to do also so I must also make a 3 year old version. I think our favorite part thus far has been the language arts and science projects which sometimes include getting out in the neighborhood. I'm not sure how long I will be able to continue (meaning grade levels) but I'm confident at least up through the next few years and CJ is making huge leaps!

Some psuedo intellectuals "hating" on Obama

I always thought this was the stupidest saying until I saw true "haterism" at it's worst while flipping through some youtube clips. After watching this clip I was disgusted. There was a "crabs in a bucket" meeting recently hosted by Tavis Smiley interviewing Cornel West and Julianne Malveaux. These pseudo intellectuals took time to blast Barack Obama’s DNC nomination speech. Jesse “I want to cut off his nuts” Jackson is not the only negro who knows his time is up, Tavis Smiley and Cornel West know their time is up too, and are desperately trying to hold onto their last 15 minutes of fame. That old school ‘Afro-negro’ intellectualism is not going to cut it anymore and these hardcore chitlin eatin' negroes are fighting back. They don’t understand that Barack wants to win. That is the prize. They would rather have Obama speaking at a Jena 6 rally than continue to be on a mission to becomnig the Leader of the Free World. Cornel West is the same guy that made whether he was going to teach at Harvard or Princeton a national racial issue. West also criticized Obama for not marching or speaking for Jena 6. Tavis criticized Obama for not coming to his State of the Black Union meeting. Next thing you know these folks will want Barack to throw on a bow tie and give a speech on the corner while holding up a bean pie. Envy breeds some of the stupid folks ever.

Late add - In a discussion I just received in an email I found this point interesting "Isn't it funny when some of the people and commentators on tv say that John McCain is catching up to Barrack Obama in the polls because the people don't know him --He has no experience and has only been a senator for four years, and just a few years of experience in Illinois before that--
and KaBoom!!!, within hours of being introduced as the Republican candidate for Vice President-- never having been seen before--Sarah Palin and guess what? She's immediately and completely accepted... Makes you say hmmmm"

Is McCain Out of his mind?

I snagged this article from CNN.com. I couldn't have said it better myself. It lead me to another article as well about exactly how many times that Palin and McCain have met. My only thoughts are that in picking a nobody he has tried to dismiss the positive energy and outcome of the DNC by picking a nobody who would make front page. This only escalates the thinking that he is an idiot. I won't prolong my thoughts any longer on this. Basically, it's Obama's to lose.

Twin Love

So, the twins...they are adjusting well to high school but I feel "the change" coming on. The change as in "I no longer am interested in adults because we are clearly more superior" attitude beginning to form. Particularily in Twin A. He is "smelling" himself to no end. His whole attitude is "I have no time for you unless you can do something for me". I'm doing my very best to keep him grounded, to make him aware of this new found attitude and to remind him that he need not bite the hand that feeds him. He isn't rude, disrespectful or obnoxious by any means. It's simply...something we've noticed. No more kisses goodnight unless I go in and prop myself on his bed and then I sort of feel as if I've entered "his space" (which leads me to my next topic). He is still helpful around the house, he simply does what is asks then goes back to texting, myspace, ipod...anything to be out of touch or distant. I know he's growing up but it still hurts my feelings that I have to have a dollar in hand, the possibility of an interesting place to go and something in it for him, or some good gossip to even get his attention lately. Go figure.

On another note - "The Change" has trickled down to the twins wanting their own room. I walked around sullen for about 2 days and refused to respond to the requests for the last 3 months but I finally gave in last week and allowed Twin B to move into his own room. He was so excited he was up until 2 am moving his things out and setting up, his spot. He didn't even care that Twin A had the tv and cable. I walked in "his room" to find him staring up at the ceiling, eating a bag of Sour Cream and Onion Ruffles and listening to the radio with the best smile on his face and the cleanest room in the house. He says it's his twin's fault the room was always messy and I agreed readily that he was the neater one until I went back upstairs to find that Twin A has spent a week with an immaculate room as well, complete with vaccuum lines on the floor. So now I have no idea who the "real" culprit of the dirty room was or if it was simply too much stuff in one cozy room. I smiled yesterday when I came home and found them downstairs in the same room. One on the floor, one on the bed cracking jokes. I'm hoping that will never change.

Barack's Rock

So, obviously, the key question coming in to the first night of the Democratic Convention was how Michelle Obama would do in her big speech. Michelle gave a beautifully crafted well delivered speech that hit all of the themes that will set the stage for Barack on Thursday night. She dispelled any thoughts that she is somehow radical or and "elitist". She came across exactly how she came across on "The View" and on the stump for Obama. She is intelligent and charasmatic and loves her family and her country.That came through loud and clear tonight. A home run for the Democrats.She said exactly what she needed to say, and that she delivered it extremely well. Some people would sound rehearsed giving a speech like this one, but Obama sounded authentic and utterly sincere. And, importantly, she seemed warm and likable. That's important for her, because -- like the wife of a certain previous Democratic candidate who was as strong a woman as the political spouse -- she's been the target of a lot of the venom directed at her husband, and could potentially have been a detriment to his campaign if she did not show the country that she is not the caricature that's been drawn of her. And, of course, by giving her family's story the way she did, she made herself and her husband seem more familiar, more like your next-door neighbor and less like the Other that some people believe Barack Obama to be.
I know some people who were skeptical of the idea of having the candidate's wife deliver such a high-profile speech, but I think it's now clear why the Obama campaign made this decision, and it certainly seems like history will judge it to be the right one. Now, will it have a real effect on the electorate? That I'm not ready to predict, and a lot will depend on whether she was preaching to the choir or whether people who could be swayed were watching. Forget about this worry about Hillary, forget about Hillary supporters drifting away. Because no woman who saw this speech could not, not vote for Barack Obama, unless they are simply lame, or selfish, or mean, or mired in greed. Such grace, dignity, energy and optimism! I will be so proud to have her as a First Lady.

...just some morning politics

So on John McCain. The more I see him, the more I see George W.
I'm not even going to mention the fact tht he is 72! 72, more than 10 years past retirement age. Let's just concentrate on basic facts. Russia invades Georgia and President Bush goes on vacation. Our president has spent one-third of his entire two terms in office either at Camp David, Maryland, or at Crawford, Texas, on vacation.
His time away from the Oval Office included the month leading up to 9/11, when there were signs Osama bin Laden was planning to attack America, and the time Hurricane Katrina destroyed the city of New Orleans.
Sen. John McCain takes weekends off and limits his campaign events to one a day. He made an exception for the religious forum on Saturday at Saddleback Church in Southern California.
I think he made a big mistake. When he was invited last spring to attend a discussion of the role of faith in his life with Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, at Messiah College in Pennsylvania, John McCain didn't bother to show up. Now I know why.
John McCain is as intellectually shallow as our current president. When asked what his Christian faith means to him, he gives a one-liner. "It means I'm saved and forgiven." Great scholars have wrestled with the meaning of faith for centuries. He then retold a story we've all heard a hundred times about a guard in Vietnam drawing a cross in the sand. So old, so tired, find a new one already. Asked about his greatest moral failure, he said his first marriage, because it ended in divorce. He said it was his greatest moral failing but he offered nothing of explanation. Why not?
Instead he chose to recite portions of his speech as answers to the questions he was being asked. Come on! He has lived 71 years. He's got to have some thoughts on what it all means beyond rehearsed answers from the same speech he delivers every day.
He was asked "if evil exists." His response was to repeat for the millionth time that Osama bin Laden is a bad man and he will chase him to "the gates of hell." That was it.
He was asked to define rich. After trying to dodge the question -- his wife is worth a reported $100 million -- he finally said he thought an income of $5 million was rich. Are you an idiot? Or maybe you just think we are. One after another, McCain's answers were shallow, simple, and without though. He showed the same intellectual knowledge that George Bush has -- almost none.
Where are John McCain's writings exploring the moral issues of our time? Surely anybody with thoughts of being President or who even takes leadership positions in this lifetime has some writings, at least some scribblings. As a mother of many and plenty to do each day, I even find time to still scrawl out my thoughts. Where are his papers on positions setting his consideration of foreign policy, the welfare state, education, America's moral responsibility in the world, etc.?
John McCain graduated 894th in a class of 899 at the Naval Academy at Annapolis. His father and grandfather were four star admirals in the Navy. Some have suggested that might have played a role in McCain being admitted. His academic record is just awful. And it shows over and over again whenever McCain is called upon to think quickly on his feet.
He no longer allows reporters access to him without monitoring their questions. He simply makes too many mistakes. Unless he's reciting talking points or reading from notes or a TelePrompter, John McCain is lost. He can have a beer with the good old boys at the bowling alley or diner, short glib responses that get a chuckle, but beyond that McCain gets in over his head very quickly.
I am sick and tired of the president of the United States embarrassing me. The world we live in is too complex to entrust it to someone else whose idea of intellectual curiosity is to tell us another story about being a political prisoner. George Bush's record as a student, military man, businessman and leader of the free world is one of constant failure. And the part that troubles me most is he seems so happy with himself.
He will leave office with the country $10 trillion in debt, fighting two wars, our reputation in shambles, our government covered in secrecy and suspicion that his entire presidency has been a history of broken laws and promises, our citizens' faith in our own country ripped to shreds. Yet Bush goes bumbling along, smiling and continueing to spew moronic one-liners, as though nobody understands what a colossal failure he has been.
I fear to that should John McCain manage to win out of Barack, he will turn out to be exactly like Bush.

Life Continues

Funny thing about going through life's changes is how we as mothers seem to work through disappointment, sadness, frustration etc.
We, simply put, busy overselves. I've been so busy lately that I think I'm honestly making myself sick at times. Yesterday, well this week, I've been a lunatic. At times, I think I've been moving faster than the speed of light. The more my brain is going the less time to think. Well, kind of. At night, usually 2 am, I'm up and walking the floor or laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Lately I've even retreated to my closet for a talk with God. Yesterday being the first day of school, gave me a bit of an outlet with the amount of homework that the boys brought home. I was shocked at a 2 hour homework night on the first day of school. I also discovered just how much I've forgotten about Alegebra and Hypothesis Theories. I'm taking a big sigh right now.

Rambling

So here is the thing. Sometimes I can't blog. The thoughts are in my head and I can easily put them on paper but I don't because quite frankly...it would be too much for your eyes. Too much information and so I have to put it on paper in my journal. Hope that makes sense but somethings have to remain secret especially since this is my BLOG, and the people who read may often actually KNOW ME.

I've got few things going on some I'll bounce aroun a little in my latest post.

First things first. The twins started high school today. I've got a mixture of sadness because they are growing up, happiness because they looked so mature going off this morning, worry because I hate the fact that 14's go to school with 18's, excitement because of what the next few years have in store, terror because of what the next few years have in store.

Yesterday one of the twins left his wallet on the dresser. I picked it up to put a few dollars in it for him and found a condom in there. Lord Jesus Help Me! Funny, to be quite honest I already knew what it was about. I didn't panic for more than 2 minutes because I know my kids and I knew there was no reason from it. Especially from THAT particular kid. All of them for that matter are not out of my site much. I still wanted to here the explanation. "Mom, all of my friends have a condom in their wallet, it's just there. You know me" was the statement I heard. "You go everywhere with me, if I'm not on the court at school or on the field I'm next to you. I don't have a girlfriend and you said we should be abstinent until we get married" (at the last comment he starts laughing). I smirked at him sideways and walked out of the room. Funny, deep down I knew it, I just wanted to hear him say it.

Next thing - I'll be short and sweet. It hurts when you realize that the world, friends, marriage, people, love, etc. isn't what you thought it was and that just because you give does not mean you'll always receive in return. Life is funny like that and I'm dealing with it. It's a subject I'll have to come back to at another time.

The Olympics are here. I've been watching mostly basketball and swimming but my favorite begins today! Bring on the track and field. Tyson Gaye is truly a athlete's kind of athlete. He is humble and passionate. I truly hope that he wins his gold.

Finally, I'm working on getting back to my happy place. My head is twisted right now. Life is not always honey and happy quotes.