Friday Fill - In's

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1. I'd really like to travel right now.

2. Crap is the word you'd most often hear me say if I stubbed my toe.

3. Possession is an ugly word.

4. Screw Captain Jack Sparrow.

5. Marshmallows and fire go together like chips and salsa.

6. I could go on and on.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to the game, tomorrow my plans include laundry and Sunday, I want to eat great wings and watch the Superbowl!

Jesus Take the Wheel

A couple of things have been on my mind the last few days with news and such. I waited patiently for details on the economic stimulus package before speaking on it and I'm annoyed about much of what is included.

I'm just trying to figure out how millions going towards teen STDS creates jobs? I definetly support tax cuts for small businesses and working Americans. I also believe there should be another one time stimulus check for Americans. I realize this didn't work with President Bush but now people are definetly hurting and will surely spend the money. I support federal money to build infastruture. That puts people to work as well as making the nation better. On the other hand some of this other crap is simply put, ridiculous. $400 Million for Global Warming? Are you insane? $2.4billion on Carbon Capture projects? What the hell is that???? That does not stimulate the economy. NO! There is entirely too much environmental humbug in this "stimulus package". Those things are definetly worthy but they should be considered in a separate bill! $650 Billion for digital tv conversion coupons? NUTS! $150 million for the Smithsonian and $1 Million for Amtrak???? INSANE!!!If it's costing money SELL IT. It's been losing money for 40 years! Let the private industry run it. There are billions for increasing foodstamps, childcare, medicare. All that having absolutely nothing to do with increasing the economy! Okay, done with this subject. NEXT!


Ervin Lupoe needs to come back to life so we can put him in front of a firing squad and shoot him again. If you have no idea who Mr. Lupoe is. He and allegedly, his wife are the two idiots who lost their jobs last week following an investigation at Kaiser Permanente. They decided (Mr. Lupoe left a suicide note), that they no longer have anything to live for and did not want to leave their children behind so they killed their children and themselves!

A man fatally shot his wife, five young children and himself Tuesday after he faxed a note to a TV station claiming the couple had just been fired from their hospital jobs and together planned the killings as an escape for the whole family. “Why leave our children in someone else’s hands,” Ervin Lupoe wrote in a letter posted late Tuesday on the KABC-TV Web site. Officers rushed to the home in Wilmington, a small community between the ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach, about 8:30 a.m., apparently within minutes of the killings.

Officers could still smell the gunshot residue in the air. A revolver was found next to his body. Ana Lupoe’s body was found in an upstairs bedroom with the bodies of the couple’s twin 2-year-old boys. The bodies of an 8-year-old girl and twin 5-year-old girls were found alongside Ervin Lupoe’s in another bedroom. All were shot in the head, coroner’s Assistant Chief Ed Winter said. Kaiser Permanente Medical Center West Los Angeles released a statement confirming both Lupoe and his wife had worked there; both were medical technicians. The letter indicated that Lupoe and his wife had been under investigation for misrepresenting their employment to an outside agency in order to obtain childcare.

If grown people wanna off themselves because life gets a little tough, that’s their decision, but taking the children is where the line needs to be drawn. The whole thing is terrible, but the mother participating in it makes it all that much worse. Here's a thought idiot. Go buy yourself a life insurance plan and then drive your car off a cliff and kill yourself since you are an obvious coward. At least your KIDS can have a good life. We've all gone through hard times. Keep it moving or move out of the way so your kids can grow up and be productive citizens. Do you honestly think you'll be with them doing the angel dance in heaven after you commit murder and suicide? There has got to be something in the water lately...gggrrrrr

On a side note - I'm not completely frustrated with life. My insomnia seems to be subsiding. With the new year I've realized that life is too short to be unhappy and unsatisfied. In the word of Andy Dufresne "Get busy living, or get busy dying". I've realized that I have so much more to offer and I am "needed". God had to turn the world upside down in order for us to realize that we needed CHANGE. I'm very excited in what the future has in store.

I Like / I Disklike

I'll have to read this next January 2010 and see if it still fits. For the most part it's been lifelong.

I LIKE

-rainy days inside the house...

-summer days with nothing to do

-carnivals and festivals in the summertime

-gettin up early

-Beyonce, Kanye, Keyshia Cole and Ray Allen(did I say Beyonce; she my wife in my next life)

-Lifetime movies

-Court tv

-mashed potatoes...garlic potatoes...fried potatoes..baked potatoes..hashbrowns...

-crustacians (shrimp, crab, clams, oysters, calamari)

-takin baths, just because

-perfect lyrics that fit what I feel

-Theme songs - This is a song that makes you feel good no matter what. As of January 2009 it's "Ego" by Beyonce

-lotion after a bath (I call it my lotion ritual)

-being right but only if it doesn't start a fight (I'll be right in my head if i need to be in order to keep the confusion)

-reading

-listening to my boys talk about their day and all their friends

-eating...

-great conversation

-the little twinge of soreness the next day after you work out really hard

-puttin my headphones in my ears and tuning everybody out...

-grits, bacon, on buttered toast

-muscle beach lemonade from Hot Dog On a Stick

-reminiscing bout back then (wherever back then may be at the moment)..

-green

-fast cars

-my blackberry

-me treats (Reeces, Banana Splits and pedicures now and then)

-privacy (I don't know why, I just do - it makes me feel like I still have "my own"

-fireplaces

-smoothies

-haagen daz chocolate ice cream

-cherries and strawberries

-thermal shirts and jeans in the winter and halter tops and short shorts in the summer

-lip gloss

-fitted sweatsuits

-long drives

-sneakers for girls

-daydreamin

-lazy days

-salt tortilla chips and dip

-buffalo wings (not the frozen party wings either)

-finding new music for my ipod

-large headphones

-perfume

-frozen yogurt

-scented candles (vanilla)

-CNN

-collecting change and then seeing how much I have at Coinstar

-road trips

-shots of patron

-people watching in crowds

-great lines from movies
"I'll shut up, but when he leave, I be talking again" (Friday)
"You want my arm to fall off" Louis McKay (Lady Sings the Blues)
"It's your dime Bufford, but stand up so the coach can get a good look at you". "I am standing" -- Harry and Set Shot(The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh)
"Get busy living, or get busy dying" Andy Dufresne (Shawshank Redemption)
"You're no Messiah, you're a movie of the week; a t-shirt... at best" Brad Pitt (Seven)



-singin.....outloud..or when no one is around

-great hugs

-poetry

-music...I'm in love with music...like it's my honey..music holds me down..sometimes I feel its the only one that understands.

-making song playlists for my ipod

-texting over talking

-smirking over laughing out loud

- the individuality of my boys

I DISLIKE

-bad drivers

-hard candy (lemonheads, jawbreakers etc)

-pushy people

-bad waiters

-people who don't know they are annoying

-unclean emails (clean out all the people who have received the email before you send it to me please, why do I have to scroll 5 pages to get to the subject?)

-email forwards from people who never say hello

-nuts (I hate nuts of any kind in any of my food this includes pie, ice cream and candy bars)

-veggie anything (veggie hoagies, veggie lasagna, veggie ice cream)

-people who talk extra loud on their cellphones in public places

-cigarette smoke

-food crumbs in my bed

-sharing my food or my drink ( I know, petty but I hate it)

-sharing my products (I'm selfish like that)

-generic ice cream, cookies or crackers

-Burger King french fries

-Pets (yes I realize I have children but I still don't like pets)

-Unattended cups(this means if you are done with your cup don't leave it where you finished it

There are quite a bit of other things I don't like but I had more fun thinking of the things I enjoy. Just a peek into the mind of Nesh! Can you tell I'm still in my writers block mode. I haven't written about a darn thing worth reading for about a month now. Sorry guys.

I Like / I Dislike

I'll have to read this next January 2010 and see if it still fits. For the most part it's been lifelong.

I LIKE

-rainy days inside the house...

-summer days with nothing to do

-festivals in the summertime

-gettin up early

-Beyonce, Kanye, Keyshia Cole (did I say Beyonce; she my wife in my next life)

-Lifetime movies

-Court tv

-mashed potatoes...garlic potatoes...fried potatoes..baked potatoes..hashbrowns...

-crustacians (shrimp, crab, clams, oysters, calamari)

-takin baths, just because

-perfect lyrics that fit what I feel

-Theme songs - This is a song that makes you feel good no matter what. As of January 2009 it's "Ego" by Beyonce

-lotion after a bath (I call it my lotion ritual)

-being right but only if it doesn't start a fight (I'll be right in my head if i need to be in order to keep the confusion)

-reading

-listening to my boys talk about their day and all their friends

-eating...

-great conversation

-the little twinge of soreness the next day after you work out really hard

-puttin my headphones in my ears and tuning everybody out...

-grits, bacon, on buttered toast

-muscle beach lemonade from Hot Dog On a Stick

-reminiscing bout back then (wherever back then may be at the moment)..

-green

-fast cars

-my blackberry

-me treats (Reeces, Banana Splits and pedicures now and then)

-privacy (I don't know why, I just do - it makes me feel like I still have "my own"

-fireplaces

-smoothies

-haagen daz chocolate ice cream

-cherries and strawberries

-thermal shirts and jeans in the summer and halter tops and short shorts in the summer

-lip gloss

-fitted sweatsuits

-long drives

-sneakers for girls

-daydreamin

-lazy days

-salt tortilla chips and dip

-buffalo wings (not the frozen party wings either)

-finding new music for my ipod

-large headphones

-perfume

-frozen yogurt

-scented candles (vanilla)

-CNN

-collecting change and then seeing how much I have at Coinstar

-road trips

-shots of patron

-people watching in crowds

-great lines from movies
"I'll shut up, but when he leave, I be talking again" (Friday)
"You want my arm to fall off" Louis McKay (Lady Sings the Blues)
"It's your dime Bufford, but stand up so the coach can get a good look at you". "I am standing" -- Harry and Set Shot(The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh)
"Get busy living, or get busy dying" Andy Dufresne (Shawshank Redemption)
"You're no Messiah, you're a movie of the week; a t-shirt... at best" Brad Pitt (Seven)



-singin.....outloud..or when no one is around

-great hugs

-poetry

-music...I'm in love with music...like it's my honey..music holds me down..sometimes I feel its the only one that understands.

-making song playlists for my ipod

-texting over talking

-smirking over laughing out loud

- the individuality of my boys

I DISLIKE

-bad drivers

-hard candy (lemonheads, jawbreakers etc)

-pushy people

-bad waiters

-people who don't know they are annoying

-unclean emails (clean out all the people who have received the email before you send it to me please, why do I have to scroll 5 pages to get to the subject?)

-email forwards from people who never say hello

-nuts (I hate nuts of any kind in any of my food this includes pie, ice cream and candy bars)

-veggie anything (veggie hoagies, veggie lasagna, veggie ice cream)

-people who talk extra loud on their cellphones in public places

-cigarette smoke

-food crumbs in my bed

-sharing my food or my drink ( I know, petty but I hate it)

-sharing my products (I'm selfish like that)

-generic ice cream, cookies or crackers

-Burger King french fries

-Pets (yes I realize I have children but I still don't like pets)

-Unattended cups(this means if you are done with your cup don't leave it where you finished it

There are quite a bit of other things I don't like but I had more fun thinking of the things I enjoy. Just a peek into the mind of Nesh! Can you tell I'm still in my writers block mode. I haven't written about a darn thing worth reading for about a month now. Sorry guys.

News, Blues and Screws

I had a hard time trying to figure out today's blog. I had to decided between the many different subjects going through my mind right now. I was up early listening to the idiots of Citigroup actually try and talk their way out of shopping for a $50 dollar airplane, meanwhile my home value has completely crashed and burned. Skip forward to the exciting talk of that poor woman in Southern California who just gave birth to a puppy litter (oh don't be so sensitive). Damn 8 babies!?!?!? I have one 3 year old that feels like 8 babies. One piece of advice I'd love to offer her is to uummm Run Away Now! When all the newness of those cute little babies wears off and all the help goes away....OH I NEED TO STOP. God Bless her little heart.
So I've decided I'll go ahead and tell you all about how I got away from the MAN! Now that it's the end of January, I've finally figured out all the speed traps near the school. Some other unlucky parents have not so while I was was going 15 mph because I had the feeling "Roscoe" was near, the Benz, BMW and Town and Country peeled out of the school and into the residential area going about 40. Now that I've finally replaced my glasses I could see him hiding in the corner as they rounded the corner. I didn't let out my relief just yet, not until he waved each of them to the curb to line up for their tickets. As I drove by I thought "awww, too bad for them, yeeeaahhh for me". Last thing I need right now is a ticket!
Today has been a little screwy. I'm avoiding work this morning but I guess I should get to it. Sorry I have nothing profound and prolific for you. No juicy gossip or "no she didn't" tales today. Just a day in life.

PS - working on fixing my pic - I heard word back that I need a change (smile)

In All Sincerity

In all sincerity I'm spinning right now. The year has only begun and I've already changed so much. Meaningless Scribe cannot begin to explain me right now. Have you ever pondered how life just completely throws you a curve ball sometimes? In the baseball analogy of someone else...this one is a slider! My mind is so scattered lately. I continue to struggle through some of life changes that have me completely baffled. In the meantime I wonder if I'm making the right decisions for myself and my family. 2009 has been a whirlwind of up and downs already between Obama becoming President, Cayden's accident, high school, the economy and just life in general. Wow!

Now back to your regualar scheduled programming - I continue with my quest to conquer "The Secret".

Dear Diary

Dear Diary -

I've decided to name this entry: Sometimes I Feel Like a Meaningless Scribe. Damn, I love that title! It’s loosely based upon the song “Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child.” It’s a Jazz classic. Awww, you didn't know I had jazz in my repertoire too huh.

Focus! Focus! Focus, damn it!

It’s been another one of THOSE days. You know, the usual crap: a bunch of nothing, turning into a full day with so many unexplainable things in between. Sometimes I feel as if the days simply run into each other.

Yes. I have lingering questions inside my soul about whether I was built for this life and what card I'm being dealt right now. So I write, simply to clear my head and keep the demons away. It’s one of the few things on this planet that I KNOW for sure. Often I question how far to go though. Should I save it inside my brain. But my lingering question so often becomes: have I chosen the right words without revealing too much of my soul?

I am a private person, by nature. You think not huh? That's how private I am. I tried talking it outloud be it never seems to work because I usually regret and wish I hadn't told you that. I wish that I was that quintessential Still Waters Run Deep kinda cat but no. Feelings come sweeping in like tides, swelling and rolling in massive waves inside me sometimes, and I tend to express them in a universal way. That’s my style, my thing, I guess.

The other day my close friend told me that I “don’t write with honesty." She can tell when I'm going through but refuse to convey, and so I come across as jumbled.

To that, I said: "DAMN LIE!". I write what I want you to know and the rest I write, get it out and burn in the sink. If I come off as jumbled to you, then you are not suppose to understand.

Maybe I don’t give a detailed accounting of all my emotional bowel movements, but everything I write is about WHO I am, or what I feel, or what I question. That's REAL! Everything I write is about what makes my heart beat faster, or gives me a chill, or breaks my face, or hurts my spirit, or fundamentally fulfills me. And truthfully, I don’t know any other way to be. I may not put it on a blog for the world to see...but I do write it at some point.


Still, Sometimes I Feel Like a Meaningless Scribe, because the world will never know. I refuse to go go deeper.

Nakedness from me makes some people uncomfortable. It puts me out there as well. Can't go there.

Honesty from me makes some people uneasy. It puts me out there as well. Can't go deeper.


Sometimes I feel Like a Meaningless Scribe.

I’ve prayed. I’ve purged. I’ve vented. It’s out of me!

Diary, you KNOW, I’ll never be FELT in a blog that takes 30 seconds to read. The Creator made me this way: all strange and odd and some what -talented and a little cute and a little ugly and deep and joyous and sad and real, confused ... and human.

Diary, it saddens me that I cannot express with words what I feel often feel and share.
What is it about these words I write?
Diary - Oh how you understand what I cannot convey.
Feel me? Of course, YOU do. That’s never been the prob.
Oh, Diary. Sometimes I feel like a Meaningless Scribe.

Disclaimer - don't be all sensitive - It's not about you - it's my blog - I write what I want -

That’s sad to me. I still feel the need to explain that it's about me and no one else.

There are No Words - President Barack Obama

President Obama. There are no words to describe the way I feel today. Thank you