Hi God,
How are you? I mean, I know that I don’t often talk about you on my blog. Not in any overt or effluent manner at least. That's certainly not me. Maybe because I worry too much about what other's think. But since you permeate my life, I’ve never felt the need to separate you from everything else I do in my life. Sorta funny… I can probably count on one hand the number of posts that have been exclusively about you. Well this is one of those posts…
See… you’ve helped me get through a lot in my relatively short life time. I’m still amazed when I think about it all. The physical and emotional abuse in trying to find love, ups and downs of life's pitfalls, verbal assaults,public humiliation and discouragement I’ve either witnessed or experienced firsthand… all those times I felt like there was absolutely no way I could ever succeed, you intervened on my behalf and pulled me through to victory. Miracles. Many of them. Certainly. There are no explanations for how I’m even still alive today other than because of you. But today… in spite of all the personal evidence that has accumulated over the years… I’m deeply trouble and my heart is breaking.
No, its not because of the economy, the war in Iraq, controversy over abortion, same sex marriage, or even the poverty that you said would be with us always. And no, it has nothing to do with my job,kids or my marriage. All of those things are okay. My heart is breaking because more and more I’m meeting people who have been genuinely searching for you, asking about you and wanting to understand you. But the common feeling among them all is that you’re either hiding away or simply don’t exist at all. And that breaks my heart.
I can’t help but think that all you’d need to do is show them. Or rather, reveal yourself to them. Yes, I read and fully understand
John 6:44, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him...“
. So my question is this:
Why won’t you simply manifest your power in a way that is both clear and irrefutably you and you alone?
I mean, I know you’re not a magician, and are by no means obligated to perform miracles on demand. But I just feel as if it would at least end much of the debate over your existence. It could provide a clear foundation upon which we could begin to dialog about a life lived for you. At least for those who may be confused or full of doubt over what’s real. I know many people who find it difficult to believe in you when the only evidence they are presented with are the thoughts and lives of imperfect people.
I’ve combed the Bible many times and I can cite several scriptures that would confirm that we shouldn’t be waiting on signs and miracles. Scriptures such as Matthew 16:4 that says,
“A wicked and adulterous generation looks for a miraculous sign, but none will be given it except the sign of Jonah.“ But I also know of several instances in your word where you did just that… In Exodus 7:8-12, you told Moses that if Pharoah asked for a miracle to throw down his staff and it would become a snake. You said in
I Chronicles 16:11-12
, “Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,”.
Is it an issue of faith? In Matthew 13:58 it states that you, “did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.“ Is that why there has been an absence of recorded bonafide miraculous activity in our society?
Through all the trials Lord you continue to put in me the compassion that yearns for the wounded to be healed and the hurting to be comforted. To my own detriment I still have empathy for those who even try to hurt me. You told me to demonstrate your love to the world so that others might come to know you as I have.
And still, my heart breaks.
I’m looking to see a tangible manifestation of your power. I wish I wasn't...but it's in me. Probably because I need that more than anyone right now, because I want to be able to hold the hands of those who are wandering in search of you, point to you and say, “Here he is! Right here! See?? He’s just like I described him to you!“ I want to introduce you to them, like a father who finally makes it to the final school play of the year.
Until then, I know that you are here because I've always been provided for. Even when I forget to say thank you.
Love always,
Nesha
Its funny Nesha. I have searched like you for so many years, but at the same time and very often in the same thought process, whilst trying to prove to myself God was there, I would look back on the past, even a day, a week or even a year and then realised that something greater than me, not just chance or coincidence, had occurred. I had a burden from my youngest memories as a child, where I would get what I call "camera flash" images of events or people that would come into my life. I still have them now. As if something or someone intervenes in my consciousness at the right time. I studied psychology and philosophy and have tried to rationalise it all..but you know what? Its like trying not to think of 'pink elephants'. Its overwhelming and unavoidable. Let alone the biblical view of God, there is so much around us every day. I saw a film ...City of Angels? ...with Nicholas Cage I think... its like that I think..we are surrounded by the presence of angels, demons and last but not least ...God! Weird for some, but patently obvious for others. Comes down to personal faith I guess..that's what makes it so very hard to accept the uncertainty and the human limitations we have had thrust upon us. Anyway. I like your blog. Keep writing your thoughts. You are definitely not alone. Bye for now.
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