You are always near me no doubt, you comfort me with your touch, my fingers love to roll against you and everything about you is place just right. You've never left me out in the cold, keep me on time, remind me when I'm lost. Each morning when I rise you are the first sign of life and even at 4am you keep me o' so in touch. I love your features in everyway, your design is so sleek, your storage is so ample. Your hour glass makes me absolutely CRAZY! Your small package has quite a punch.

Chris Rock On Larry King Live

Chris Rock is so smart. I don't really laugh when listening to see jokes. I simply nod by head up and down viciously. He is a beast on the mic. Plays no games, doesn't care who he offends and tells it like it is.

Some Stuff - Purpose, Me, Dreams and Rambling

Do you ever ponder if you are were you are suppose to be in life. Is this my purpose? Was I put here for this? Was I made for this? I catch myself doing it often. It drives me to insomnia sometimes to wonder if I have my purpose in life. Questions that swirl through ones mind. Am I good enough, do i have enough, have I done enough and I being enough. I know there are some things that will never be accomplished but am I working hard enough towards those things that I can. Do the boys have the best grades, do I work towards my potential, am I a good enough parent, am I going to spend my life allowing feet to often step on me in silence. I know things that will never be; picture perfect Beyonce, a laid back individual who doesn't overthink everything or a high strung person that can curse you out and then resume business. I'll never be any of those but then again, they aren't my goals anyway. Will I ever not care what other's say, or even think, or have the confidence of Ja. Ward. It took me too long to get the common sense and the ability to not settle for things like Jo. Ward. So glad they got it at 14. I know I'm rambling but it's my blog and I can decide to not make sense if I want to. Will I ever stop wondering what the text said that my son just sent out, what they do when I'm not around, is he saying please and thank you. Does he unloosen his belt and let his pants sag when I walk away. Okay, so I've done it again, I've made this blog about them instead of about me, but in all honesty, TRUE HONESTY, I need a journal and not a public blog because somethings are better left unspoken.

Not really much more to say than this

I decided to share this video that a friend emailed me. It starts off a bit slow but about the 3 minute mark I found myself shaking my head
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Al_y3g77ZsA

Life

I hate talking on the phone, but it's amazing how some of your favorite people don't even call sometimes. I guess I could care less...I'm not a phone person. People think I could careless and sometimes I don't but damn...oh well...I don't feel like talking anyway, I'd rather let the day pass away, pollute my mind with my ipod lyrics. When do I stop? I mean...really...when do I start to believe the doubt...outloud? When do I throw my hands up and beg to get out? When is enough ENOUGH? Why did everyone think that I could just give up? am I fed up? well...before you let go...ask yourself how important is this to you? If this went away what would you do? How much inside of yourself did you search to find out if giving up on this would hurt?

Talking Dirty

As I watch the boys grow and change I see so many of the things I did as a teen in them. Their mannerisms, their clothing style, their culture it's basically just a circle of what I've already done in my youth but they seem to always up the scale just a little more. The one thing I did not do often was curse as much as the youth of today does. I was always so afraid my mother or father would be lurking around a corner somewhere to say "I'm gonna whoop your butt". It was many years away from my parents before I was able to freely curse without looking around and even longer before I dared to even say a curse word in front of them. It's a work in progress as I find myself struggling sometimes to suppress words I should not say. In fact I have money jar on my desk and if I say a curse word I have to put a quarter in it if CJ hears me say a curse word.

At an early age I've already heard my sons' and their friends curse a number of times. In fact if they think I'm out of earshot they are going to curse. We've had many sit downs and I've discussed open their vocabulary and the fact that if you curse so much it's just a way of saying I'm too dumb to think of a more intelligent word. Not the case with them. They say it's a different form of expression....BULL! Wherever you look someone is cursing though. Do you know how many words you could get away with on tv and radio now? I remember watching "Dynasty" as a kid. When Alexis slapped Krystal for the first time and said "You Bitch"...the whole room went silent and my hand immediately went up to my mouth. Now, I have to turn the radio down in the car and many points in the song to avoid all the stripper songs, weed songs, get butt naked songs, I'm gonna murder your mother songs....etc etc etc.
All I can do is continue to teach my children to expand their vocabulary and be better...while feeling up my quarter jar and making CJ rich.

Everything I Am

I've been in contemplation-mode the last few weeks. It seems there are so many things just swimming around in my brain. I'm getting older and still trying to get to that place. That place of comfort where I know that everything will be okay and somedays it feels like the mark is moving farther away.

Ocho Cinco's Gone Loco

Chad Johnson has always been viewed as an odd ball for his on the field antics, but his past shenanigans don’t compare to what he just did off the field.
He has legally changed his last name to “Ocho Cinco.” Ocho Cinco, Formerly known as Chad Johnson, has always wanted to wear his nickname on the back of his Jersey, but the NFL wouldn’t allow it without fining him.
Johnson started a buzz in Cincinnati during the off season by requesting a trade because he didn’t feel enough love from Carson Palmer & The Bengals organization. Ocho Cinco, loves the lime light and will do anything he can to make sure he’s makes the highlight reel on Sportcenter. I can’t help, but to ask myself if he’s a genius who will be able to make millions marketing his own brand identity or has he gone completely mad like Mike Tyson did when he tattooed a tribal scribe on his face to look more intimidating in the ring? (a whole other topic). Word around town is that the NFL is charging Chad approximately $4million dollars for the cost to buy the Chad Johnson jerseys already created in order for him to wear Ocho Cinco on his back. Because Johnson changed his name so close to the start of the season, Reebok was left in a bind since they'd have to produce new jerseys and eat the old ones. That's why the NFL has told Johnson he'd have to reimburse the company for the price of the jerseys. I don't think we'll be seeing "Ocho" anything on his back any time soon unless he feels like throwing away Quatro-Million! I think he can find otherwise to spend his money. (Read the fine print next time Mr. Johnson). It's tough to defend Johnson, as he's so narcissistic at times it almost makes you want to cheer against him. Whatever it is, Ocho Cinco has sent shockwaves around the football world with his unpredictable behavior once again & I’m even happier with myself that I drafted him on my fantasy football team this 2008 season!

Just Some Ramblings - Freeing my mind

School has started and lots going on so I'm just freeing my brain of some of the latest happenings, misgivings, irritations, upcoming events, set backs, opportunities, accomplishments and so on.

1 - Football season has begun, after a whirlwind summer of vertimax training, early mornings, late nights, Jordan was injured Saturday morning during a scrimmage. He fractured his fibula and tibula. He was casted on Monday and probably won't return until closer to the end of the season. Although he is very disappointed his spirits were up going to school this morning.

2 - Coach Ward lost his first football game in over two years this Saturday in the season opener of the Jr. Rams. I don't need to say that he isn't very happy but looking forward to the next game.

3 - Jalen did very well in his first two high school scrimmages and he is excelling. Their first game is this week against Jesuit High School.

4 - I managed to watch a total of about 3 minutes of the GOP convention last week before becoming annoyed with how truly idiotic they think we are and couldn't stomache any more than that.

5 - Gas is finally beginning to go down and I actually got a half a tank of gas for $50.00! Can you believe it!

6 - Britany Spears won 3 awards at the VMAs and I had no idea she even had an album out!

7 - Religion class has been so beneficial to my children. It has truly opened their minds up to questions they've had and may have in the future. Over the past weeks while helping with homework it was so exciting to help them look through the bible to find answers and explain what God's word meant.

8 - Finally, God continues to bless the Ward Family daily. We are a work in progress.

I wasn't, I really wasn't...but I decided to...Palin and my thoughts

So here is my thing. Do the republicans TRULY think that we are THAT STUPID. Hilary didn't win so let's just through another "qualified" woman and them and they'll bite. Was I not the only one who noticed that John McCain was so fearful that Mommy Palin would make a mistake that he stood next to her the entire time she was speaking and looked at her out of the side of his eye as if to say 'lady, don't say anything stupid". Now, I for one should know. I'm a mother of five, have a million things to do, like to take on a million more and a self proclaimed basketball mom etc., etc. etc. Do they HONESTLY expect us to believe that she was properly "vetted" and still chosen? When did her name actually appear on the short list.
There IS a time to say, enough is enough though. You have a 4 months old (for goodness sake, are you still bleeding), with downs syndrome, your still nursing and a 17 year old unmarried, pregnant daughter. Essentially, you will soon have 6 children. Are you serious? Palin has spoken against sex education or the teaching of contraception. When her water broke with her Down Syndrome baby she got on a plane and flew eight hours back to Alaska, making it only hours before the birth, a risky decision for a pregnant woman of any age. After delivering one child she went back to work the next day. After the birth of her fifth child, she was back in the office after a few days. What is her first priority. Is it as a mother or as a governor? Will her first priority be as a mother or as a Vice President or a President? One in three Vice Presidents become President. John McCain is a 72-year-old cancer survivor. Every woman, and particularly every woman who works, including me, understands that the conflicts and the guilt are always there in a way that they are not for men. There comes a time when a mother must honestly say, thanks but no thanks.

Homeschooling my Little One

So far the process of homeschooling has been quite exciting. Each morning he has gotten up, brushed his teeth eaten breakfast and gotten right to work. Probably the only thing we haven't done some days is to get fully dressed in school clothes. I figure it's one small token of getting to work from home and he enjoys doing his school work in a warm pair or pajamas. Saves me some laundry time too. The academy we are linked to has made it so much easier through the study guide and lesson plans but I still think it's a little watered down and during most evenings I am busy printing out more advanced work for him to complete once he does the "governments" daily lesson plan. I have noticed such growth in him already, and his little brother too! Whatever CJ does Cayden wants to do also so I must also make a 3 year old version. I think our favorite part thus far has been the language arts and science projects which sometimes include getting out in the neighborhood. I'm not sure how long I will be able to continue (meaning grade levels) but I'm confident at least up through the next few years and CJ is making huge leaps!

Some psuedo intellectuals "hating" on Obama

I always thought this was the stupidest saying until I saw true "haterism" at it's worst while flipping through some youtube clips. After watching this clip I was disgusted. There was a "crabs in a bucket" meeting recently hosted by Tavis Smiley interviewing Cornel West and Julianne Malveaux. These pseudo intellectuals took time to blast Barack Obama’s DNC nomination speech. Jesse “I want to cut off his nuts” Jackson is not the only negro who knows his time is up, Tavis Smiley and Cornel West know their time is up too, and are desperately trying to hold onto their last 15 minutes of fame. That old school ‘Afro-negro’ intellectualism is not going to cut it anymore and these hardcore chitlin eatin' negroes are fighting back. They don’t understand that Barack wants to win. That is the prize. They would rather have Obama speaking at a Jena 6 rally than continue to be on a mission to becomnig the Leader of the Free World. Cornel West is the same guy that made whether he was going to teach at Harvard or Princeton a national racial issue. West also criticized Obama for not marching or speaking for Jena 6. Tavis criticized Obama for not coming to his State of the Black Union meeting. Next thing you know these folks will want Barack to throw on a bow tie and give a speech on the corner while holding up a bean pie. Envy breeds some of the stupid folks ever.

Late add - In a discussion I just received in an email I found this point interesting "Isn't it funny when some of the people and commentators on tv say that John McCain is catching up to Barrack Obama in the polls because the people don't know him --He has no experience and has only been a senator for four years, and just a few years of experience in Illinois before that--
and KaBoom!!!, within hours of being introduced as the Republican candidate for Vice President-- never having been seen before--Sarah Palin and guess what? She's immediately and completely accepted... Makes you say hmmmm"