Sometimes...

I wish my nose were a little bit smaller

I pretend to be talking on the cellphone to avoid people I don't want to talk to

It hurts my feelings when the twins don't say "bye mom" before going to school

I can sleep right through a lightning storm but will sit straight up if someone turns the TV off.

I forget how much I am loved by family and friends

I wish people would just sit still instead of saying something stupid.

I need the conversation to go a little deeper and I'm frustrated when it doesn't.

I wonder if I will ever have a true girlfriend who's okay with not competing and just listening

I get sad that my sisters don't respect my opinon or follow my advise.

I think we picked the wrong school for the boys

I love  how I look in the mirror

I hate how I look in the mirror

I literally eat garbage food all day long

I get bad feelings about something and the feelings become justified

I hate when a discussion gets ugly because we don't have the same opinion.

I have to remember that after I’ve handed my problems over to God, to not try to take them back

I wonder if Aaliyah would still be making good records today.

I hate that Mary J. Blige fell in love cause I liked her music much more when she was tragic

I wonder what I can do on the side to make extra money

I hate no one "forced" college

I still sit in my bed and cry even though I'm really happy

I wonder if everyone really reaps what they sow in this life or the next

I wonder if I will ever accomplish all that I have set in my mind.

A Teenage Love

Been thinking lately about the twins. Lots going on, school, sports, girls.  I often wonder will I ever have enough advice for them. If I'm telling them the right things, leading them in the right direction, showing them that I care and I'm concerned enough.  I find it very easy to relate to them and remember those things they are now going through and how I felt at the time that I was their age and going through the same things.  One of them has some emotional stuff going on right now and my heart was warmed when he opened up to me recently about it.  I wanted to hug him and assure him this too shall pass but I knew he needed more an ear than a hug from mommy.  In his telling of how he felt he did what we do in our family, turned on itunes, and said "listen to this song", this is how I feel.  (He's a music junkie like his mommy).  His emotions are often controlled by song just as mine are also.  This is why part of the advice I shared with him was to listen to more uplifting music than the kind that would continue to break his heart.  Of course I came home yesterday and entered the door to him in his room blasting the heck out of the song.  It's a nice tune, but definetly a downer.  I like it, but it makes me want to have a drink and grab some tissue.  My advice was, "not everyday is easy but everyday gets better and you won't feel good today but eventually this will be a memory"  I wanted to tell him to grow some balls and suck it up cause this little trick is a nutcase but I didn't think he would respond well to that one.  Instead, after he had said all he wanted to say I let him finish listening to his music and just sat with him quietly for a while.  After he left I let him sit in his room a while and then I went in sat on his bed and I simply said "As we grow up we learn that even the one person who wasn't suppose to let us down probably will, that includes our friends, loves, parents and children.  You'll have your heart broken, probably more than once and it's harder each time.  You are going to break hearts too so remember how this feels.  You'll blame a new love for what an old love did, but always be true to yourself, be truthful to each person even if it's hurts and do things that help you sleep and night and know that you are a good person.  In the end your path is already set and you and I don't know what that is but remember we are highly favored by God and everything will be work out fine." I kissed him and went to bed. 

Growing Up

“If your gonna screw up, do it while you're young. Older you get, the harder it is to bounce back.”

Winston Groom quotes


For days I’ve been slowing coming to the realization that my twins will be 17 years old in just few short days. I’ve literally found myself up the past month thinking about it. If 17 is doing this to me, what turmoil will I be in when they hit 18, or more, when I hit 40?


Quite honestly is seems, not very long okay that I was laying in a hospital bed with the ugliest dookie braids ever, and the ultrasound technician telling me she thinks she sees two heads. I remember that day so vividly. Up until that day I wasn’t even noticeable pregnant and in fact, I could I still throw on a hoodie and leave my top button open on the jeans and still be just as cute. Fast forward to the next morning after finding out the news; that twins would be arriving in just over three months. I blew up overnight. The next morning I could no longer fit anything. By 8 months, it was impossible to even get normal shoes on and I was wearing these stupid house shoes with green and red bell peppers on them everywhere. Something I wouldn’t be caught dead in, even in the house now days. I suddenly pictured myself carrying to car seats, pushing two strollers, two high chairs, two swings, two of everything. I wasn’t far from it. It was my reality. Funny thing is, I look back now and remember what a short time it was. We grew up so fast. The years have flown by. Too fast. For me, I’ll take digging in the couch for quarters for diapers, shopping in Kmart for matching outfits that looked like the GAP, the bobsled stroller and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at Cherry Park on a Saturday compared to now. Now, it’s checking grades, worried about them driving bad weather, girlfriend drama, GPA’s, college entry and watching them grow. I’m stomping my hands and kicking my feet. I’m not ready.

Friday Song in My Head

Words

The most selfish one-letter word - "I" Avoid it.
The most satisfying two-letter word - "We" Use it.
The most poisonous three-letter word - "Ego" Kill it.
The most used four-letter word - "Love" Value it.
The most pleasing five-letter word - "Smile" Keep it.
The fastest spreading six-letter word - "Rumour "Ignore it.
The hardest working seven-letter word - "Success" Achieve it.
The most enviable eight-letter word - "Jealousy" Distance it.
The most powerful nine-letter word - "Knowledge" Acquire it.
The most essential ten-letter word - "Confidence" Trust it.


I found this, while looking for something else. This was better than what I was looking for.

Football Season is over

Well, we did our job (yeah, I said we)...but Friday night our season came to an end after facing Grant High School, ranked #4 in the nation, #1 in California. The prediction was that we'd get blown out 70-7! yeah baby! If we had to go out- let it be by the best. We had them on the ROPES! We went up 8-0 quickly after a safety and a trick touchdown.  Our fans were so pumped and let me tell you we were DEEP in the hood!
Too much talk, message boards and news attention the upcoming week about shutting down #30 let them to smash on my little guy each time he came near the ball and let me tell you with a o-line and d-line averaging 260 lbs, I was holding my breath each time he TOUCHED the ball, but I was so proud of my 5'8, 170lb baby that managed to tangle up their 275 lb linebacker all night! YEAH BABY! In the end it came down to us shooting ourselves in the foot multiple times with off-sides penalties time and again and 2 face masks walking them into the endzone. We have the respect of our town and the section and that's all we wanted.  Final score 20-11.  Basketball season starts today for Twin B, Twin A says he will continue to concentrate on football. His rationale...do I want to be a great high school basketball player or play football at the next level. Hmmmm, I love you son. Great season.

Song In My Head

Happy Thanksgiving To All

Many blessings to all...

can't wait for my fried turkey