Ten Things I am Grateful for

I am still standing

I fear no man, but God

Mom and Dad

Sons are developing into a much-needed mixture of book/street smarts

Love

An emotionally-connected relationship

The burning desire to make better decisions for myself

Real friends

The brain to talk the talk, the heart to walk the walk

Ability to forgive those who have used me, cause they themselves are being used by others

Autumn Likes and Dislikes

LIKES

• bowl of homemade soup
• holidays, birthdays
• football, in full effect
• basketball
• no humidity: smell of cool, crisp, fresh air
• gloriously, colorful leaves on trees
• love the love we are making
• soon as I get home
• sleep better

DISLIKES

• imminent struggle to leave bed in the morning 
• Black Friday
• Halloween
• gets darker earlier
• cold rain
• skyrocketed gas bills
• trees slowly losing weight
• winter season quietly awaits

Thinking

Have you ever noticed, right before a challenge, we begin to breath deep, sometimes inhaling and those butterflies form in your stomache? Maybe in a subconscious attempt to gather one's mind beforehand and exhale whatever antagonist anxiesties that may exist.  Perhaps, to just for a moment brace ourselves for the full anticipation of what is coming and what must be done.  Funny thing is have you also noticed once the task is completed, the same deep breath happens? This must be the signal of a much-needed sigh of relief that it is complete.  In this exhale, it shows the importance of the task....the expel.



The beginning and the end of a personal journey are filled with deep breaths, throughout so many experiences lately I have been breathing deeply.


To a fault, I am a habitual thinker. I process every movement, every thought, every possible outcome, I throughly process a variety of thought more than the average person. Yes, it bodes well in certain areas such as my writing, my education, and sometimes my spirtuality...it rarely translates substanially in my everyday life. Throughout life I have over-analyzed everything.  Once you add this truth to the fact that I am a Capricorn, intense, black and white, zealous, one might see how easily it is for me to dwell on things and hold myself back from some many things in life. Often to the point in which I am without realization.
I guess this is like breathing, I suppose. It should be a natural act, something that we cannot live without. It hardly takes responsibility for our well-being, maintaining faith as well as perspective. All the while protecting the heart, navigating my endlessly thoughtful mind and avoid placing too much emphasis on too many insignficant matters.  So, nowadays amid the tendency to become too stressed over the inconveniences of life, I am doing my best to reach deep within myself and hold steadfast to my protagonist anchor in this ever changing world.

My Favorites of 2012

In my opinion there is money and there is love, two of the things that make this world go around, but in my humble opinion, music just does it for me.  I don't believe a single day has gone by in my life that I haven't listened to a song that touched my soul. Music feeds my soul in every way. It speaks for me when I don't have the words. Want to know how I feel? Ask me what I'm listening too. It can speed me up or slow me down. Many times it just simply sets my mood. I wanted to post my absolute favorite songs of 2012.


Daughters- Nas
Great is your Mercy - Donnie McClurkin
Bye Bye Love - Nas
B*tch, don't kill my vibe - Kendrick Lamar
Another Round - Chris Brown
Wicked Games - The Weeknd
Fear - Drake
I Don't Like - Chief Keef
My Moment - Meek Mill
Mr Wrong - Mary J. Blige
Believe in Us - Mint Condition

I got some Pub! Hey Now!

My trainer put me in the mix! So excited that he thinks I'm coming along! The Fit Factory - Sacramento Show Wrap Up

Hey Nesha Ward!

The Boys are Home!

The boys are back in town! So proud of my BIGS. They are back home for Christmas and I see so much maturity in them. I will say the anticipation of them coming home has gotten me through quite a few busy days and also overwhelming days but I am just so overjoyed to have them home.
I have the biggest smile on my face each day I come home and see them sitting in the living room and my kitchen clean. They have even been preparing lunches for my littles at night. They look happy and healthy and mature.
Both have lost about 20 pounds but honestly, it's 18-20lbs of fast food garbage that neither needed anyway. Their Christmas lists are short and their needs are few. So proud of them. I wonder if I would feel the same if I was coming home each day to see them sitting in my living room if they were not home on college break...lol.
Crazy things I was worried one was putting to much effort into PS3 and not enough into books and he didn't even bring it home for break. The other, has been in no rush to hit the streets. Both boys have been spending a bit of time each night with the littles. A mother could not be more happy, or feeling more blessed!

Save my Soul

Writing is important for my soul. Four years ago I was lost. I picked up pencil and began to write again. I dug out my journals and notebooks and began to look through them. I wrote a poem that clearly describes why I write and what writing means to me. I have a profound love for the art of writing and I am thankful to God that He blessed me with the gift of words. It isn't as important as my prayer time in my closet but somehow it continues to sooth me.


Writing to Save my Soul
I am writing to save my soul
writing to hold on to control
to stay whole
I'm writing to remain
Sane
Writing to eliminate the mundane
events of life
I'm writing to acquire more happiness
I'm writing to endure the pains and strife
I'm writing to show the girl inside the limitless possibilities of an educated mind
I'm writing to remind her to share the gifts God has given her with all man kind
I want to encourage her to think and challenge status quo
I'm writing to show her how the mind can grow
I'm writing to remind myself of what I already know
but most of all
I am writing to save my soul